What has happened to the S&M in BDSM?

[Deleted Member]

Hello there, curious to know if the sadist/maso dynamic has died a slow death. I only seem to get messaged by guys who want things poked up their bums! What do you guys think? 

[Deleted Member]

Maybe us subs have gone a bit soft ?

[Ar****]

I don't think it has; my reflex is to say that the accessibility of the community (through mediums such as this one) which is in so many ways a positive thing also brings with it an inevitable influx of the wrong types of people - the guys you mention, vanilla guys who seem to think open BDSM women must automatically be easy and just want want to find a quick way to get their end away, bullies who don't understand the dynamics and will disrespect and *** women from the first message then slag them off for not responding to them again because they just want someone to treat like crap 24/7... All of these types and more "dilute the pool", making it harder to find the authentic deal. But I suspect (call me optimistic) that there are just as many of us real peeps as there ever were. There is just a lot more chaff to filter through before you find them.

Edited July 21, 2019 by Aranhis
Spelling error, "things" instead of "thing"

[ey****]

I've certainly found through events and the likes that there are plenty around.   I half wonder if some online don't need to ask so much because, well, it's not that difficult to get what you want if you turn up to events and ask people to beat you... never a shortage of filming work for masochists either (sorry, I'm sounding bitter there... I don't mean to seem as bitter as I sound)

[Deleted Member]

@eyeblacksheep you don't sound bitter at all

[Deleted Member]

@Aranhis, thank you for your insight. I am a collarspace survivor so I certainly know about the "chaff" that these sites can collect ;-p

[Deleted Member]

@cuckoldDaddy I guess people like what they like, just thought I might find something a little harder

[Chap-Sticky]

I think the whole pegging vibe has become more mainstream which is good on the one hand....but your right on sites like this it’s more common than those who like a good old spanking or some quality CBT!

[BiSlaveBoySub]

7 hours ago, Cinnamon-flame said:

Hello there, curious to know if the sadist/maso dynamic has died a slow death. I only seem to get messaged by guys who want things poked up their bums! What do you guys think? 

Sure I like things poked up my ass, but basically I am a masochist.  so thrive on anyone who will beat the crap out of me and crush my balls before.....or at they same time as they fuck my ass with flesh or a prosthetic! As a submissive masochist I take the converse view that there is dearth of sadistic bastards out there who are prepared to bruise and tolerate the screams of a sub with a high *** threshold and a desire for agony on the path to being a better slave! Maybe I am just old school!

[DominatrixSheba]

I treasure my *** slurs x

[DominatrixSheba]

Sluts - ***y auto-correct

[BiSlaveBoySub]

19 hours ago, DominatrixSheba said:

I treasure my *** sluts (sub auto-correct...I would not dare let this go out without correction)

It's so reassuring to learn there are Dommes out there who have a truly sadistic streak! Dommes who will keep the punishment coming even if you are sobbing, whimpering and the tears are running down your cheeks.... a Domme who even in those circumstances will respond to your begging for more and rachet up the intensity still further.....until she hears the safe word!

[Deleted Member]

No i love a sadistic woman to use her lit cigarette end on my tender bits until it hurts a lot I'm a masochist but if that spot happens to be up my bum who am i to complain the more *** the better forget spanking cigarettes all the way for me but each to their own

[ey****]

I think there are plenty of Dominants like there out there - but also there's a responsibility.

If your sub is crying, whimpering, struggling...
do you stop?

now obviously if it's someone you know well you might know this is OK, that this is fine and so long as there's no safeword used it can continue (and some play without safeword when there's really good connection and knowing what the other wants)

but if it's someone new then it's best not to overstep a mark.

I know from experience that there are guys who can take a hell of a beating and love it
and also those that say they can, but can't
and those who maybe don't like to but are "submitting" to it - which can be reckless in itself - because these are the guys who don't stop when it's too much for them and risk serious damage.

I can take more than I often say I can, but, I've had bad experiences and came across idiots - so I prefer not to with people I don't know.

I can also dishout quite a lot - and love to, but I would never risk overdoing it.

Whoever I'm with, whatever I'm doing - I want us to be able to turn around at the end and say we want to do it again.

[Mi****]

There are plenty of sadists and masochists out there but maybe because of the risks involved they tend to play with people they know or know are safe players

[Deleted Member]

On 7/21/2019 at 8:55 AM, Aranhis said:

I don't think it has; my reflex is to say that the accessibility of the community (through mediums such as this one) which is in so many ways a positive thing also brings with it an inevitable influx of the wrong types of people - the guys you mention, vanilla guys who seem to think open BDSM women must automatically be easy and just want want to find a quick way to get their end away, bullies who don't understand the dynamics and will disrespect and *** women from the first message then slag them off for not responding to them again because they just want someone to treat like crap 24/7... All of these types and more "dilute the pool", making it harder to find the authentic deal. But I suspect (call me optimistic) that there are just as many of us real peeps as there ever were. There is just a lot more chaff to filter through before you find them.

 

This  I agree with totally. Well said. 

Something people seem to need to understand is the huge chasm between someone that is actually sadistic and some that like to spank , paddling, cane work, 

And someone that actually gets a real high from the infliction/ reaction to what you are doing the sense of freedom incited the accomplishment the list goes on.

There's way too much focus on sex and when you look at fetlife and the difference in context and content the people that frequent that becomes clear.

The right people are around but generally don't go out shouting from the rooftops we have no need.

Look deeper we are there ..  you just have to work harder to find them.  

The s&m scene is alive and kicking but both sides are very careful who they play with simply because a lot think they want this but in reality well ... it's not what they thought. And then they run away bleating.

 

 

 

Edited July 25, 2019 by Deleted Member

[ey****]

On 7/25/2019 at 8:52 AM, Mrchristopher70 said:

but both sides are very careful who they play with simply because a lot think they want this but in reality well ... it's not what they thought.

this is very true

there's nothing wrong with anyone's desired level of play - but if you say you are (or say you are) a sadist or masochist and end up in play with someone who is (or says they are) a sadist or masochist - and one of you *isn't* then it's going to be at best a bad experience and at worst high risk (and not in a good way).

So yeah, I think both sets do have to be (and are) cautious on who they'll play with

[Deleted Member]

like any play with men or women, there should be an honest chat beforehand to determine what is safe and what is not then get down to specifics as to how far the DOM can go with the sub and how and when the sub wants a break, pause or an end to the session.

In any budding relationship, TRUST is and must always be an absolute - hard won but easily lost - both sides should feel comfortable enough with each other to discuss and admit if they have limits and then work within those limits - u can have a great time with someone when u know how far u can go, just be more imaginative in attaining that goal

*** can be delivered in so many different ways - inside and outside the body but if u meet someone that wants u to go much further than u have gone before, take that as a compliment and give him/her what they want - they will tell u if that is too much or not enough

Each time you meet, if there is to be regular meets, u can always work on extending their *** limits but if u feel at any time uncomfortable with what u are doing and inflicting on the other person then stop and admit to him/her that is as far as u are prepared to go.

The sub should respect your feelings and stop the session - discuss what the problem might be - see if u can find a way around it or just accept that not everyone can or wants to deliver what the sub wants in that session - there is always a next time maybe not with that DOM but with somebody else

 

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