What turns you on in a partner? Is it their hair, their voice, or perhaps their naughty bits? For some people, so-called sapiophiles, it's their brain – they're attracted to intelligence. Our very own smartypants dirtybird answers the question: ‘what is a sapiosexual?’

 

If you’re a sapiophile (pronounced sap-ee-o-file), then the chances are you knew you were one already. Why? Because sapiosexuality is all about intelligence, so you were probably already familiar with the term (unlike the majority of the population). 


Sapiosexuals are attracted by intelligence and stimulated – both emotionally and sexually – by intellectual conversation. Furthermore, most of the time, sapiosexuals are usually pretty smart themselves – after all, it takes one to know one.
 

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But even if  you’ve never heard of the terms sapiophile or sapiosexual – or don’t even consider yourself particularly brainy – there’s every possibility you could still be a sapiophile. And the type of intelligence you’re attracted to can, of course, vary. 


Maybe you get turned on by people that possess an impressive general knowledge – the kind of person that knows the answer to everything. Or perhaps someone who’s always up to date with news and current affairs stirs your loins, as it shows they’re worldly-wise and care about being informed.

 

Sapiosexual meaning and origin

The origins of the phrase sapiosexual date back to the late 90s. According to The New York Times, a blogger and engineer called Darren Stalder came up with the expression in 1998. Stalder, who lived in Seattle, was searching for a term to describe his sexual attraction to intelligence and so coined the term sapiosexual (“sapio” means “to think” in Latin). 

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Bearded and book-loving? Basement flooded! shutterstock/Ivan Kruk


Later, in November 2014, OKCupid expanded their list of sexual orientations and genders, including sapiosexual on the list, helping to bring the term further into the mainstream. More recently, the meaning of sapiosexual has become more commonplace as use of the term has spread. Here on fetish.com, sapiosexuality is one of our most popular kinks within our list of unusual fetishes

 

So, what is a sapiophile exactly? 

OK, so there is actually a slight difference between the terms sapiosexual and sapiophile. The meaning of sapiophile is that you’re attracted to intelligence or intelligent people. The attraction can be romantic or sexual, ie, smart people really do get you wet, not just mentally stimulated. However, the word sapiophile is used less frequently than sapiosexual. Furthermore, 'sapiosexuality' can be used as a type of sexual orientation.

 

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What you need to know is that a sapiophile values someone’s intelligence, mind and thoughts over their physical appearance. I, for one, find intelligence a total turn-on. As someone that usually starts their day playing Wordle, geeky-looking guys with glasses send me ga-ga. Member of MENSA? I’m in; I wanna know more! If you can combine beauty and brains, even better. 
 

“A sapiophile values someone's intelligence, mind and thoughts over their physical appearance. Sapiosexuals are attracted by intelligence and stimulated by intellectual conversation.”


And, although I do love a meaty member, the size of your brain rather than the size of your dick is more likely to be important to me – if I'm looking for a relationship. But, saying that, I'm even though I’m attracted to intelligence, I wouldn’t say no to anonymous sex or reject some facesitting with a meathead – they just probably wouldn’t stimulate me enough to want to develop a relationship with them. 

 

How common is sapiosexuality? 

To date, there’s not a great deal of scientific research around sapiosexuality. But a 2018 study published in the Intelligence journal found that between 1 to 8% of people identified as sapiosexual. However, the only criteria for study participants to claim they were sapiosexual was self-identifying as sapiosexual, ie, there were no independent study threshold criteria to  adhere to.


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Furthermore, the same study found that around 90% of people want their partner to be smart, which suggests that the real percentage of people attracted to intelligence could be even higher than between 1 and 8%. But let’s be clear: as these slightly conflicting study results show, caring if a partner is smart is not the same as being explicitly aroused by intelligence.


 So, how do you know if you're really a sapiosexual or just somewhat attracted to intelligence?
 

5 signs you could be a sapiophile

Here are five personality traits which may suggest you can be on the sapiosexual scale. Do you possess any of them?

 

1. You're smart yourself 

Well, you don’t need to be Einstein to realize this! Sapiosexuals find intelligence attractive because they understand what it means to have it. If you’re attracted to someone for their witty conversation and intelligence, chances are you’re going to be on par with that person.

 

Sapiophiles tend to attract other sapiophiles. People who prefer less complex or intelligent discussion will probably not  be able to stimulate a sapiosexual or keep them on their toes - which is what a sapiophile needs. 

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Sapiophiles are attracted to intelligence

 

2. You're don’t enjoy gossip or small talk

If small talk and gossiping about others is a turn-off for you, it could also be a sign you are a sapiosexual. As lovers of intellectual conversation, sapiophiles love exploring deep, thought-provoking conversations about art, politics, humanity, etc, rather than what Kevin from Accounts got up to at the weekend.  


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For example, chatting about the terrible weather isn’t likely to garner you favor with a sapiophile, but if you use it as a starting point to launch into a discussion on climate change, then you’re much more likely to get their interest. 

 

3. You foster curiosity

Are you always curious to learn more about life, new cultures and travel? Do you love trying new things, or hypothesizing on life’s big questions and mysteries? Sapiophiles are naturally curious people. Your pull towards knowledge comes with a desire to always want to learn more, figure stuff out, and contemplate logic. You love exploring your curiosity. 

 

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4. You possess an open mind

Sapiophiles are often open-minded – they try to remain objective. As they are naturally intelligent, they’re aware that every story or opinion has multiple sides. Because of that, sapiosexuals tend not to try and force their beliefs and opinions on others, as they understand that we all have our own thoughts and opinions and there is never one ‘right’ answer.

 

“Sapiophiles tend to attract other sapiophiles. People who prefer less complex or intelligent discussion will probably not be able to stimulate a sapiosexual or keep them on their toes.”


This, in fact, works in favor of sapiophiles. Why? Because multiple differing opinions means space for debate and discussion – even more mental (and physical!) stimulation. 

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Turned on by brain-power? You could be a sapiophile

 

5. You’re open to constructive criticism

Contrary to what you may think, while sapiophiles are naturally gifted with intelligence, they are not total know-it-alls. Furthermore, they are open to constructive criticism and actually appreciate being corrected or being presented with new facts/opinions which can help inform them further.
 

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Sapiophiles are keen on good education and learning. When a sapiophile is challenged by someone, that person often gains the sapiophile’s respect, as they are giving them an opportunity to learn.  

 

Never play down your intelligence

If you believe yourself to be  higher on the scale of intelligence, please don’t make the mistake that many have done in the past. Never dumb yourself down for anyone. Being astute, clever and having wisdom are traits that many of us crave and find so damn sexy. You should never hide your intelligence for fear of coming across like a smart-ass. You don’t need to be big-headed about it, but don’t hide it either: wave your sapiosexual flag but just don’t shove it down people's throats. 

 

Sapiosexual flags

Talking of flags, just like gay and queer peeps have the rainbow flag, trans people have a flag, sapiophiles can show their love of intellectual conversation and all-round smart folk with the sapiosexual flag. In fact, for some reason they have three flags.
 
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One of the three flags for sapiosexuality

 

The original sapiosexuality flag features three horizontal bars from top to bottom: its colors are dark green, brown, and blue. The second alternate sapiosexuality flag also has three bars, but with the colors grey, pink and sky blue. The final alternate flag to show you’re a sapiophile has two horizontal bars (blue and green) plus an image of the human brain. The origins of the flags and the significance of the colors is not known.

 

The final FET: sapiophiles and intelligence

The fact is that there are a lot of people in this world that find intelligent conversation sexy and a total turn on. Not everything in the dating and BDSM world has to be about body parts and sex. So use your skills and break lesser brains if you must. Because where one dull conversation ends, there are masses of wonderful, powerful, and hot conversations waiting to happen.

 

Remember, intelligence is the ability to acquire, understand, and use knowledge. Knowing that there are vast amounts of people turned on by this ability means we should use it. So, wave your sapiosexual flag high, add it to your Fetish.com profile, so that other sapiosexuals may find you! •

dirtybird is a queer Fetish.com content king. He loves making art and making out. Oh, and Wordle.  

 

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Are you attracted to intelligence? What types of conversations turn you on? Reveal all in the Fetish.com forum.
 

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St****

Posted

💯😍

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Wy****

Posted

Yes. I’m actually somewhat repulsed by people who are still asleep to the narrative being pushed and the agenda that’s being played out on the world stage.

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Posted

The concept of sapiosexuality is highly toxic for me. Intelligence is attractive, absolutely; people who are curious, enjoy expanding knowledge, aren't afraid of questions and even being wrong.

But sapiosexuality as an identity is, for me, deeply flawed. Who defines intelligence, and what kinds? What contributes the perception of intelligence? Some of it is questionable at best, and at worst, rooted in privilege or class-based biases.

Not only that but "don't enjoy gossip" as a sign? Please. I know a few people with PhDs who love that shit. Not everything has to be that deep.

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co****

Posted

A well written article: it's expanded my view on the topic; however, it really is an evolutionary signal for potentiality of resource acquisition, imo.

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Ne****

Posted

Rather irresponsible proposal IMO, and not unlike people thinking ‘everyone is a little ADHD because we all forget things sometimes.’ 🙄 I know of many people who very much enjoy “small tasks” as well as those who do not wish to engage in deeper thought/conversation. 🤷🏻‍♀️ The sexuality itself is another matter.

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me****

Posted

Nope, people just give me brain boners.

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Posted

I've always been attracted to intelligence or those that can teach me more than I know.

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GeneGrey

Posted

Aren’t we all sapoisexuals in a way? I’m pretty sure we all don’t like small talks and want to have meaningful discussions too!

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Fe****

Posted

I love someone up to date on basic common sense with a quick wit to go with it. Sarcasm helps the world go around.

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Je****

Posted

And here I thought me liking anyone who can stump me just meant I had a nerd kink. Learn something new every day!

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ev****

Posted

Yes!

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Posted

And puns- super geeky

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Posted

Your voice & intelligence

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Robhynne

Posted

I love this. Ticked all 5 💖💖💖💖💖

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Posted

I’m attracted to wit and banter.

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me****

Posted

No, I just like people that give me brain boners.
  • Like 1

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Posted

If cockiness didn't so frequently come alongside intelligence I would totally identify as a sapiophile 😢

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Posted

What if im attracted to stupid?
Certainly not attracted to those that just think they are so smart.

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Go****

Posted

I am sooo much a Sapiophile. However, I do need a welldressed, pretty sub on my arm. 😈
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Ne****

Posted

😊
I don’t fully identify as Demisexual, and Noeti better encompasses things for me; though, I also don’t feel I fully fit the definitions for noetisexuality. Terms can be overwhelming but also bring feels of belonging and explanation for ourselves, which I support.
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Lowvan

Posted

On 8/1/2019 at 11:43 PM, Buttloaf69 said:

Anal rectal sex while pooping. Any damages can’t happen inside the rectum like cuts, scratches, blood or pain while in pooping mode emptying out where the rectum is enlarged or stretched containing a very huge load usually when shitting. That’s where guys have more fun and erotic enjoyment stimulation fetish brown love.

...w...wait what? I...eh...I don't know enough about anatomy to say anything but how is this relevant to this topic??

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Lowvan

Posted

3 hours ago, NexumSange said:

I’m not so much for fetishising attraction to intelligence; the updated terminology and philosophy is Noetisexuality, and the school of thought proposed is that the fetish-side of this isn’t a genuine sexuality (getting off on the sexy librarian look for example.)
Whereas, those whose minds sincerely spark by others’ mental landscapes and machinations, and often whose bodies won’t ignite sexual modes unless that (mental) spark occurs, are considered Noetisexual; demisexual-adjacent?; perhaps also sapiophilic..and are sapiophiles..
I am Noeti.
And occasionally sapiophilic 😉

Interesting, never knew about noetisexual. Bloody hell there are some new terms every day it seems! I looked up what it meant and I think I understand it (paraphrasing: having a mental connection to someone, no?) made me think about why I identify as demisexual. To me that always meant "I need to like someone a lot without needing to be in love with that someone" to be attracted to them, but that's mostly on an emotional level. I suppose I'm sapiosexual since I find intelligent people attractive, but that attraction can be non-sexual. Gosh it's all complicated. Sorry for the rant, thanks for coming to my TED talk and I was just typing and thinking out loud!

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Al****

Posted

Great article! I just wish there were more of us within the same vicinity to be able to bounce some ideas off of. Ppl in my area are so superficial & narrow minded. It can be very disheartening & really make humans seem overall,
dull.
Le sigh…
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Posted

It's my number one requirement. 💁🏾‍♀️

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pu****

Posted

It's all just labels leading to our full primal selves.

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Gi****

Posted

It's a superfluous term imo, as intelligence is objectively a desirable trait.
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Ch****

Posted

Intelligence is a must for me

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Mi****

Posted

Yep… known this was a natural kink most my life;)

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Do****

Posted

Yup.

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Ne****

Posted

I’m not so much for fetishising attraction to intelligence; the updated terminology and philosophy is Noetisexuality, and the school of thought proposed is that the fetish-side of this isn’t a genuine sexuality (getting off on the sexy librarian look for example.)
Whereas, those whose minds sincerely spark by others’ mental landscapes and machinations, and often whose bodies won’t ignite sexual modes unless that (mental) spark occurs, are considered Noetisexual; demisexual-adjacent?; perhaps also sapiophilic..and are sapiophiles..
I am Noeti.
And occasionally sapiophilic 😉
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wh****

Posted

My favourite flavour is purple!
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Posted

Yes

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Wy****

Posted

The brain is a sexual organ, it’s incredibly stimulating to have in depth conversations about a wide variety of things. I think of it like exploring the contours of the mind in the way people explore a partner’s body. Experiencing a quick, informed, curious, devious mind is like seeing a very attractive body. It makes the mouth water.
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Ni****

Posted

I would probably more interested in someone who is telling me how they learned a particular skill then calling me slurs as a sexual thing
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mistresslayladakota

Posted

Sounds kinda good to me
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Fu****

Posted

Yes. Can we run a quick spell check and repost? Sorry... Had to do it.

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Se****

Posted

Pulls out calculator and sez just kidding I can do calculus in my head (she remembers that and gets wet)

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Du****

Posted

Whilst I’m certainly attracted to an interesting and enquiring mind (‘educated’ is, of course, not the same thing), most people who actually describe themselves using the term ‘sapiosexual’ are insufferable. It’s like “alpha” and “cool” - if you have to tell anyone you are, you’re just not.
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Ki****

Posted

Yup
This is me.
I was playing that "if you could time travel" game and my answer was, "seduce Nikolai Tesla and have his love child.".
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Hy****

Posted

Anyone who has been to a MENSA convention would know it’s a hotel full of maladjusted insufferables who think their farts don’t stink.
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Buttloaf69

Posted

Anal rectal sex while pooping. Any damages can’t happen inside the rectum like cuts, scratches, blood or pain while in pooping mode emptying out where the rectum is enlarged or stretched containing a very huge load usually when shitting. That’s where guys have more fun and erotic enjoyment stimulation fetish brown love.
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