Domination

Discover more about Domination and Dominance

Domination for kinksters who love control

Control is sexy, and if you're into domination it can be the sexiest kink of all. For some kinksters, D/s is a lifestyle - but for many people it's simply something fun to play around with in the bedroom, and we're fully supportive of both of those fetish preferences.

If dominance is your thing and you consider yourself a dom or a domme, it's vital that you develop an understanding of safewords, negotiations and enthusiastic consent. Once you and your partners are both on the same page, though, the sky's the limit. Fetish.com's magazine prides itself on its wide range of articles on the subject, so if you're looking for some inspiration you might want to head over there and do some reading up.

What are the limits of Domination?

In BDSM, the ‘D’ stands for Dominance. This is the act of being on top meaning physically or psychologically in charge of the submissive or bottom.

It’s extremely important to have a safeword in order to stop a scene when it becomes too intense for either partner. No BDSM play should be conducted without some kind of negotiations before hand, this can be conducted verbally or some people chose to write up a contract, especially if in a Master/slave relationship.

Not all D/s relationships have the same limits. Some aren’t sexual at all, some are all physical or all mental (online) and some relationships develop into 24/7 - which means the dominant partner is control of the submissive 100% of the time.

Limits can be defined in terms of hard, soft, requirement (must) and time and should always be clarified before play. A hard limit is an absolute no-go for either partner. A soft limit is something one person prefers not to have happen, but under certain pre-agreed circumstances are happy to try. A must limit is when an action requires another action. For example ‘If you flog me and pull my hair, I will want cuddles and chocolate as part of my aftercare.’ And lastly time limits. These determine how long an action should go on. So it might be that someone is happy to be caned but only for a couple of minutes.

What is SSC and RACK and how does it affect me as a Dominant?

SSC stands for Safe, Sane and Consensual. It’s a way to measure your BDSM play. Dominants and submissives alike should question their scene before, during and after play. Is the action safe, is it sane and is it consensual?

However, this isn’t the only measure you can use. When your play can never be considered safe, then you use the RACK rules. Risk Aware Consensual Kink. This means everyone involved knows the risks involved and has consented to be part of the scene. It’s especially used in anything extreme such as breath play and blood play.

It’s incredibly important to keep these measures in mind during every BDSM scene so that you can be as safe as is possible. For a Dominant, it is one of the important ways you take responsibility for the sub in your care. It’s essential for good communication and enthusiastic consent.

I'm into Domination, but how do I find a submissive when I’m new?

First things first, do your research. Look into what a Dominant does, check out the different kinds of kinks you’d be into and prepare as much as possible. If you want to do impact play, practise on a cushion first to get your aim in. Attend workshops at your local dungeons and BDSM clubs and learn all you can.

When you feel you’ve done enough research start looking for a Sub. You can check profiles of people close to you on fetish.com or post a personal ad to find someone into the same thing as you. Be totally honest with anyone you chat to, let them know you’re new. After all honest communication is the key to a good BDSM relationship, well, any relationship in fact!

When does Domination become abuse?

This is a good question that all Dominants should ask themselves from time to time. You need to make sure everything you do is consensual. This means checking every time you play, and throughout the scene. Just because a sub enjoys something one time doesn’t mean they will another time.

Remember there are 2 sides to the coin, that it is a relationship and that you and the submissive have an equal input into everything you do. Dominance has your submissive’s enjoyment and pleasure at heart, if you’re forgetting that at any time then it becomes abuse.

Everyone makes mistakes. Another way to tell a dominant from an abuser is in their ability to accept they made a mistake and to atone for it. If you make a mistake, apologise and make sure that it never happens again. Don’t pretend it didn’t happen or worst still, make the submissive feel like it was their fault. That is abuse.

Domination is far more than 50 Shades of Gray...

First things first: ’50 Shades of Grey’ is a complete and utter misrepresentation of the kink and BDSM community. It masks an abusive and dangerous relationship behind a kinky curtain, which is why so many kinksters remain in the closet. Our magazine has a series of critiques on the films and books. Fetish.com is dedicated to exploring kink and BDSM in a safe way. Education is key to that, please dive into our site, read, discuss, learn all you can about proper BDSM ethics and healthy relationships.

Threads and discussions that include: Domination

  • hey everyone :} so... im very new to the world of kink fetish bdsm... but my partner of 1+ year is very much a sub, and has placed me in the dom role. Its a role im happy to play, and have investe ...
  • My daddy and I joined looking for a dominant female to Dom me along side him. (So far no luck) But! What should I realistically expect during the session? Granted if she wanted to dom ...
  • Tricks to vet a Dom

    I’ve seen so many posts from subs and experienced myself the number of kinky, horny bullies who believe they are Doms. I’ve been trying some tricks while vetting, but wondering what others have found ...
  • Members looking for: Domination

    More D/s than BDSM.
    Years of sensual creativity and exploration, a desire to share my experiences while learning about yours.
    Communication and interaction get us to that perfect place, where it all begins.
    I have a wicked sense of humour, a vivid, kinky imagination, and love to travel.
    Just looking for that one special submissive, or more, who relates.

    Read between the lines, there is always more.
    Introduce yourself, if you see common ground and interests.

    I'll be back in London, for April.

    The Equalitarian Dominant is one who controls by teaching, mentoring and leading. This Dominant feels and knows that when they find a comparable submissive that things will happen as a progression of the interaction. Usually, just a mention or short learning situation is necessary to obtain a certain interaction. Both the Dominant and the submissive "get it,” need very little, so called "training" and naturally know what the other needs after interaction. This Dominant does not like the situation of constantly repeating and forcing a particular behavior (submission) to occur. It is not the activities but the surrender as the result of the Domination that is the objective and enjoyment. Creativity is an important part of this situation. These are the more intellectual, into the philosophy/psychology mechanism of this lifestyle. They understand the concepts and resultant interactions and can put it into real life. They do not need many "rules" like the Democratic type, nor do they like the heavy S&M activities; preferring submission to occur as a result of an instilled desire in the submissive to surrender. She "wants" to as a result of the Dominant's knowledge and skill at Dominating. Sensuousness is the rule and is given and received as a form of sensuous stimulation. Light as opposed to severe. Sensuous *** is a popular activity in this area. Both the Dominant and the submissive must be naturally this way. These are the ones who claim to be born this way, have always been this way. They fully understand the concept of D/s - it comes to them naturally and easily. They attract a submissive who truly and naturally wants to please, and who will observe and sense what the Dominant is communicating; and be able to translate that into the right thing to do. The doing or saying without having to be told type. The submissive begs easily and surrenders sweetly. They understand the concept of respect and surrender and can make it happen after initial learning with little or no additional instructions. They embrace the surrender gratefully and lovingly. These individuals usually form the most intimate of relationships, the closest. There is not much downside to these relationships, because they not only grasp the concepts, but can make it happen too; and their attraction is based on strong mutual respect. Their strong relationship is not readily apparent to the unobservant, but they are always subtly in the 24-7 mode. The fact that these things come forth naturally and without the need for orders or rules are a great affirmation and source of pride, satisfaction and loving. Just as the strictness and forbearance without the need for orders or rules of the Authoritarian/Totalitarian situation affirms pride, satisfaction and loving.

    Kinky Date28 to 65 years USA, Denver 03.04.2024 - 26.04.2024

    Keywords related to Domination

    Keywords: domme, dom,

    Similar to Domination

    There's more than one 'official' definition of what the letters in BDSM stand for, and plenty of people don't agree on their exact usage! However you use the term, though, it's a catch-all way of describing a whole bunch of kinks and fetishes that are more common than many people imagine: bondage and impact play, sadism and masochism, domination and submission. Safety, consent and respect for boundaries are all key in the practice of BDSM, and it's vital to negotiate properly with your partners before getting into anything heavy-handed. Thankfully it's not so hard to learn - most places around the world have their own BDSM communities that are only too happy to take in newbies and help them learn the ropes.
    There are as many ways of describing domination as there are dominants, and some people who take the dominating role in a D/s relationship like to describe themselves as a 'femdom'. Female domination during BDSM play means people who identify as women is the dominant, or the Domme. It often involves humiliation for example with a strapon, and the mistress demanding her submissive to please her in different ways.
    A sadist is someone who derives sexual pleasure from causing pain to their partners - and assuming that everything is consensual and has been negotiated in advance - they can be in high demand amongst the people who love to be on the receiving end (masochists). There are plenty of different kinds of sadism, but they all thrive on one thing: the giving of consensual and well-desired pain. While many sexual sadists are also D/s dominants, this isn't a universal truth; some people are in it for the physical sensations alone without all the mind games, while others are submissives but find that they have a bit of a sadist streak on top.