The usual story goes that 'foreplay' is all the stuff you get up to during sex that isn't, you know, mechanical thrusting. You've probably heard a lot of stuff about how women need it more than men do, too - as though generalisations like that are either helpful or accurate!
Here at Fetish.com, we're huge fans of all the activities involved in what people call foreplay - but not necessarily of the concept itself. Sex isn't always between one person with a penis and another with a vagina, it doesn't always start and end with perfectly defined boundaries and the literal fucking doesn't always have to be the most important part! Rather than looking at your sexual encounters as a three course meal where the PIV is the main event, think of them as a buffet: you can try a little bit of everything, go back as often as you like, and have things in any order you fancy.
The classic definition says it’s activity that leads up to sexual intercourse but sometimes intercourse is not the climax of a scene. So it is everything that gets you in the mood for more.
How much foreplay is normal?
How long is a piece of string? It’s hard to define what is just foreplay and everyone has different needs. Some people might need a lot of warming up to enjoy a scene, others might like to go into it with very little prep. The right amount is the amount that all parties involve need. And that will change all the time. So go with the flow.
Is foreplay just for women?
No, no and more no. There is a myth that women need it more than guys. It’s a very heteronormative concept and assumes that guys are all just about intercourse. That is not the case. Everyone needs foreplay sometimes. It isn’t something to be divided by gender.
Do you need foreplay in BDSM?
Yes, and you probably do it without thinking. Before impact play you warm a person up, when using a new implement of any kind you use it gently first, maybe rub it over the person’s body to let them get used to it. When tying a person with rope, you discuss what’s going on and make sure they’re comfortable in the position they are in. Using restraints you check they aren’t too tight. Maybe pull and yank on them to show the sub who is boss. All these acts are foreplay.
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