About me
Interested in:
I’m looking for:
- Friends
- LTR (relationship)
- BDSM Lovers
Description
Assertive yet submissive and no, that’s not a contradiction. It’s balance.
.
It’s fire and softness coexisting in one body.
I will absolutely dominate you if you give me nothing to follow. Confident-ish. Intelligent. Independent. I know how to take care of myself, so am never going to blindly hand over trust or energy to a man who doesn’t deserve it.
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But if you are truthful, respectful and grounded in the way that creates safety not insecurity I will submit in the most powerful way. Not out of weakness, but out of trust. Because submission is a choice, not a default.
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I need a man who knows where he’s going. A man with purpose, with presence, with consistency. I don’t respond to control, I respond to clarity. I’m not impressed by power plays or ego. I want connection. Emotional leadership. Mutual respect.
.
I will not follow a man who doesn’t value my mind, my heart, my soul. I will not shrink just to make you feel big. But I will soften, let my guard down, and become the most nurturing, loyal, and gentle woman you’ve ever known... when you make me feel safe enough to show that side.
.
I don’t need a man to control me. I need a man who knows how to lead, without losing my myself in the process.
Limits
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Pseudo Dom's
Fuckboi's
People who lack awareness or respect re consent
People who lack respect re boundaries/limits
People who are rigid in their thoughts about D/s
Fetish.com gives you…
Many possibilities! There are plenty of ways to meet new kinksters. Check out our free BDSM dating. Still not convinced to meet in person? Take a look at some kinky discussions taking place, right now...
Frenzy Activated. ADHD Overcompensating
Chatting with an attractive man when you're ND is less “casual conversation” and more “someone just shook a can of fizzy labeled DOPAMINE and pointed it directly at your face.”
At first you’re fine. You’re normal. You’re chill. You’re saying things like "sounds good" and "okie cokie". Meanwhile Read more…your brain has already built a Pinterest board titled "Our Dynamic" and your nervous system is doing parkour.
.
Dopamine rush? Absolutely. It arrives early, uninvited, and immediately starts rearranging the furniture.
ADHD doesn’t experience attraction in moderation. It experiences it like:
“Oh? A hot man? Paying attention to me? Fantastic, I shall now abandon all object permanence and make this my entire personality for the next..." however long he keeps your focus.
.
Sometimes, it feels a lot like eating fish finger sandwiches every day for tea. By day six, you start to question yourself: Do I really love fish fingers or, do I just like the idea of loving them? (I do just love fishfinger sandwiches) hyperfixation works the same way, you can be obsessively interested in someone, but there’s this lingering, faint doubt that maybe your brain is just enjoying this particular flavour of dopamine, not necessarily the actual person.
.
Self awareness isn't always helpful.
.
And if you have even a whisper of submissive energy, this is where the alarms should sound. Instead, they’re drowned out by whimisical music and the sound of your impulse control packing it's suitcase. Sub frenzy doesn’t announce itself by kicking the door down. It tiptoes in like, "hey hun, what if we just lean in a little?" Suddenly you’re re-reading messages, feeling floaty and attempting to interpret tone. But, because you're aware of how frenzy behaves, you're also congratulating yourself for not bounding over to his with all your "kit" wearing lace under your TB dress before kneeling in the kitchen or proposing marriage.
.
You tell yourself: Slow down, be cool, DO NOT cannonball yourself onto this man’s lap. You implement rules for yourself. You wait before replying. You don't double message. You type something flirty, delete it, type something neutral, delete that too, before finally settling on something inane like a coward. You attempt to act like a grounded sane person, but ADHD has no middle setting, so instead you come off like an emotionally unavailable ice queen.
.
You’re distant, reserved, polite. You’re withholding enthusiasm like it’s a controlled substance. Meanwhile, inside, you’re vibrating with thoughts, curiosity and desire. On the outside though you’re giving customer service energy. The attractive man is like, “fair enough,” and you’re like, "NO WAIT, I CARE A NORMAL AMOUNT, I SWEAR".
.
This is the (annoying) paradox: to prevent sub frenzy, you must apply the brakes, but ADHD brakes are either nonexistent or act like an emergency stop. There is no gentle deceleration. You either overshare your inner world or respond hours later with something that looks like a fully drafted legal document. And all the while, dopamine is pacing about in the background, tapping its foot, asking when you're going to stop being responsible and yelling, "PLEASE, JUST LET ME HAVE THIS ONE".
At first you’re fine. You’re normal. You’re chill. You’re saying things like "sounds good" and "okie cokie". Meanwhile Read more…your brain has already built a Pinterest board titled "Our Dynamic" and your nervous system is doing parkour.
.
Dopamine rush? Absolutely. It arrives early, uninvited, and immediately starts rearranging the furniture.
ADHD doesn’t experience attraction in moderation. It experiences it like:
“Oh? A hot man? Paying attention to me? Fantastic, I shall now abandon all object permanence and make this my entire personality for the next..." however long he keeps your focus.
.
Sometimes, it feels a lot like eating fish finger sandwiches every day for tea. By day six, you start to question yourself: Do I really love fish fingers or, do I just like the idea of loving them? (I do just love fishfinger sandwiches) hyperfixation works the same way, you can be obsessively interested in someone, but there’s this lingering, faint doubt that maybe your brain is just enjoying this particular flavour of dopamine, not necessarily the actual person.
.
Self awareness isn't always helpful.
.
And if you have even a whisper of submissive energy, this is where the alarms should sound. Instead, they’re drowned out by whimisical music and the sound of your impulse control packing it's suitcase. Sub frenzy doesn’t announce itself by kicking the door down. It tiptoes in like, "hey hun, what if we just lean in a little?" Suddenly you’re re-reading messages, feeling floaty and attempting to interpret tone. But, because you're aware of how frenzy behaves, you're also congratulating yourself for not bounding over to his with all your "kit" wearing lace under your TB dress before kneeling in the kitchen or proposing marriage.
.
You tell yourself: Slow down, be cool, DO NOT cannonball yourself onto this man’s lap. You implement rules for yourself. You wait before replying. You don't double message. You type something flirty, delete it, type something neutral, delete that too, before finally settling on something inane like a coward. You attempt to act like a grounded sane person, but ADHD has no middle setting, so instead you come off like an emotionally unavailable ice queen.
.
You’re distant, reserved, polite. You’re withholding enthusiasm like it’s a controlled substance. Meanwhile, inside, you’re vibrating with thoughts, curiosity and desire. On the outside though you’re giving customer service energy. The attractive man is like, “fair enough,” and you’re like, "NO WAIT, I CARE A NORMAL AMOUNT, I SWEAR".
.
This is the (annoying) paradox: to prevent sub frenzy, you must apply the brakes, but ADHD brakes are either nonexistent or act like an emergency stop. There is no gentle deceleration. You either overshare your inner world or respond hours later with something that looks like a fully drafted legal document. And all the while, dopamine is pacing about in the background, tapping its foot, asking when you're going to stop being responsible and yelling, "PLEASE, JUST LET ME HAVE THIS ONE".
LikeBmoreRaven, dale46805, karanfien777and 59 more… · 19 Replies
The Thumbs Up Emoji 👍👍
And on the flip side, I shut down when I see it
The Thumbs Up Emoji 👍👍
Right after they've been to Bonnie Doon?
LikePixieDust ·
Jump to discussion
The Thumbs Up Emoji 👍👍
The thumbs-up emoji is the conversational equivalent of that nod you give someone from across the street. You know the one. The “I recognise you but I absolutely will not stop walking” nod.
Actually, it’s worse.
It’s the awkward supermarket nod, the one you do when you’ve already seen the same Read more…person in every aisle, and now you’re both pretending the cereal section is neutral territory.
.
You send a message.
Maybe you’re continuing a conversation from the day prior.
Maybe you answered a question.
Maybe you exposed a tiny piece of your soul.
You hit send.
And then:👍
That’s it.
No words.
No punctuation.
Just a floating digital thumb staring directly into your psyche.
Judging you.
.
Now you’re frozen, staring at your phone like it just blinked first in a psychological standoff.
What does that mean?
“I agree.”
“I’m busy, I’ll get back to you later.”
“I’m bored of you.”
“I hate you, but in a chill, ‘I’m not starting an argument’ way.”
Did they even read the message?
Or did their phone auto-send the emoji while it was sliding into the couch cushions like, “Eh. Close enough.”
.
We’ll never know, because that damn thumb always takes the Fifth.
That thumb has opinions it refuses to share.
It’s the emoji version of “noted,” which everyone knows actually means,
“I will now do absolutely nothing and forget this forever.
.
The thumbs up emoji is aggressively neutral.
It’s the text equivalent of someone slowly backing away while maintaining eye contact.
And worse, it’s completely context-free.
The 👍 has no tone.
It’s just a tiny hand saying,
“Interpret me however you want. That’s your problem now.”
It's not longer an emoji, it's now a threat.
.
Let's not forget about it's smug little posture.
That thumb is not casual, nor relaxed.
It’s upright.
Confident.
Assertive.
Dominant just, not in the way I prefer.
.
The real insult though is its efficiency.
The thumbs up takes zero effort. Zilch.
One tap.
No thinking.
No vulnerability.
Just a clean, sterile acknowledgment that says,
“I could type words…but you are not worth the calories.”
You typed with both hands.
You cared.
You felt things.
They extended one digital finger like a Roman Emperor deciding your fate.
And let’s be honest—at that point, it may as well have been this one: 🖕
.
Receiving a 👍 instantly ends the conversation because there is no socially acceptable reply.
You can’t send another message,that’s how you get blocked.
You can’t thumbs up the thumbs up, that creates an infinite loop and opens a portal of floating thumbs that none of us are emotionally prepared to enter.
.
The thumbs-up emoji isn’t rude.
It’s worse.
It’s emotionally minimalist.
It’s a social shutdown button.
It’s closure without explanation.
It’s what someone sends when they want to say, “I have received your words and chosen silence.”
.
In ancient times, a raised thumb decided your fate in the Colosseum.
In modern times, it decides whether you’ll replay the conversation in your head for the next seven business days trying to figure out what happened 👍
Actually, it’s worse.
It’s the awkward supermarket nod, the one you do when you’ve already seen the same Read more…person in every aisle, and now you’re both pretending the cereal section is neutral territory.
.
You send a message.
Maybe you’re continuing a conversation from the day prior.
Maybe you answered a question.
Maybe you exposed a tiny piece of your soul.
You hit send.
And then:👍
That’s it.
No words.
No punctuation.
Just a floating digital thumb staring directly into your psyche.
Judging you.
.
Now you’re frozen, staring at your phone like it just blinked first in a psychological standoff.
What does that mean?
“I agree.”
“I’m busy, I’ll get back to you later.”
“I’m bored of you.”
“I hate you, but in a chill, ‘I’m not starting an argument’ way.”
Did they even read the message?
Or did their phone auto-send the emoji while it was sliding into the couch cushions like, “Eh. Close enough.”
.
We’ll never know, because that damn thumb always takes the Fifth.
That thumb has opinions it refuses to share.
It’s the emoji version of “noted,” which everyone knows actually means,
“I will now do absolutely nothing and forget this forever.
.
The thumbs up emoji is aggressively neutral.
It’s the text equivalent of someone slowly backing away while maintaining eye contact.
And worse, it’s completely context-free.
The 👍 has no tone.
It’s just a tiny hand saying,
“Interpret me however you want. That’s your problem now.”
It's not longer an emoji, it's now a threat.
.
Let's not forget about it's smug little posture.
That thumb is not casual, nor relaxed.
It’s upright.
Confident.
Assertive.
Dominant just, not in the way I prefer.
.
The real insult though is its efficiency.
The thumbs up takes zero effort. Zilch.
One tap.
No thinking.
No vulnerability.
Just a clean, sterile acknowledgment that says,
“I could type words…but you are not worth the calories.”
You typed with both hands.
You cared.
You felt things.
They extended one digital finger like a Roman Emperor deciding your fate.
And let’s be honest—at that point, it may as well have been this one: 🖕
.
Receiving a 👍 instantly ends the conversation because there is no socially acceptable reply.
You can’t send another message,that’s how you get blocked.
You can’t thumbs up the thumbs up, that creates an infinite loop and opens a portal of floating thumbs that none of us are emotionally prepared to enter.
.
The thumbs-up emoji isn’t rude.
It’s worse.
It’s emotionally minimalist.
It’s a social shutdown button.
It’s closure without explanation.
It’s what someone sends when they want to say, “I have received your words and chosen silence.”
.
In ancient times, a raised thumb decided your fate in the Colosseum.
In modern times, it decides whether you’ll replay the conversation in your head for the next seven business days trying to figure out what happened 👍
Likekittyinwonderland420, jam1225, Oldsub4uand 35 more… · 20 Replies
sexydemon420 🤘 🤘
Like
· 09.01.2026 21:50:02
aligurl80 My Master uses it a lot. It drives me batty. When I mention it he tells me to “Relax.” Glad others understand the annoyance of this emoji My Master uses it a lot. It drives me batty. When I mention it he tells me to “Relax.” Glad others understand the annoyance of this emoji
Like
· 09.01.2026 20:15:36
Jsquared24 I try to never use it cause I look at it as an insult like goooood job d bag looong slow lingering 👍 *blech*. I knew there had to be others. I try to never use it cause I look at it as an insult like goooood job d bag looong slow lingering 👍 *blech*. I knew there had to be others.
LikeAKA_Copper, aligurl80
· 09.01.2026 20:02:54
Show more
3 of 20
Rejection…
Or, someone may have RSD or an unregulated CNS.
I'm not saying it's an appropriate response, what i'm saying is, everything is contextual and it's not for us to make judgement unless it involves us.
LikeSensuousDom ·
Jump to discussion
Rejection…
As someone who is currently feeling rejected this is all well and good advice and, fortunately I'm not behaving as some may which you initially describe but 'taking it on the chin.'
However, it's often rather challenging to not feel disheartened by it having put yourself out there and taken a Read more… risk, particularly if it's not something you do often. The urge is certainly there to seek clarity/reassurance, whatever you want to call it but, you're right and I'm a big advocate of not being entitled to someone else's time or energy if its not explicitly being given.
.
As an aside though, the whole idea of 'this' being a 'community' is one I don't agree with. Community, for mean means a group with shared values and ethics, a common interest that brings about cohesion, I dont believe that that description is relevant to kink/BDSM or any related app. Just my view.
LikeChromeStarz, SensuousDom, sardonicus87 ·
Jump to discussion
Fitness freaks - how does someone gain fitness (athleticism) without loosing weight?
I basically need to be able to sprint, as fast as possible, in various directions, whilst also talking the whole time for up to 60secs. I've a time frame of 4months to be as best as possible.
I basically need to be able to sprint, as fast as possible, in various directions, whilst also talking the whole time for up to 60secs. I've a time frame of 4months to be as best as possible.
I'm not Topping from the bottom
I would argue that they aren't brats
Like4RCH, UncleG69, Chaeyand 1 more… ·
Jump to discussion
I'm not Topping from the bottom
Noooo, I'm liking your less diplomatic comments elsewhere 🤣😂
LikeAranhis ·
Jump to discussion
I'm not Topping from the bottom
This week's learning from the forums... brats are still misunderstood (and in writing that/this, I'm not saying I am one)
.
To start - We. Do. Not. Need. Taming
It's a word thats thrown about like nobodies business by people who've no idea. It creates images of wild horses being broken in. The Read more…moment you treat us like feral ***s, you'll loose us. We arent wild because there's something wrong, we're testing the fence to see if it moves when we push. We're seeing how far we can go before you react. If your reaction changes every time, you’re not dominant enough for us, you’re a slot machine. And, given the link between brats and ADHD/ADD/ODD, we will chase the dopamine rush and pull on that lever forever because creating chaos is the whole damn point.
Real Dominance isn’t about the frequency or creativity of punishment. It’s predictability.
When the fence remains solid, we'll stop throwing ourselves at it just to test its strength. Instead, we'll start leaning on it, because we finally believe it will hold.
.
We might look chaotic, our world's can feel chaotic to us. The constant pushing of buttons can be an ask for structure and routine. At first we might respond to it like it’s a personal insult until we realise it’s still there even though we've done all we can to burn it down. To know that the routine didn’t flinch when we screamed, sulked or cried, helps to ground us and supports us to feel safe.
.
The harder we fight, the more we’re expressing an unmet need, that is, for you to be the immovable object to our unstoppable ***. Give us a Dom who wavers, bargains, or escalates into anger and we’ll stay feral forever. Give us a Dom who responds with tenacity and certainty and watch what happens: we dont disappear, far from it but, the pushing slows and what’s left is a submissive who finally feels safe enough to follow because someone was strong enough not to blink first.
.
We arent being manipulative.
We aren't Topping from the bottom
We don’t need taming.
.
Dominance needs to be constant, undeniable, and indifferent to tantrums. We need a Dom steady enough that the game lessens. If thats too much for you, rather than make accusations/complaints against them, leave them alone.
.
To start - We. Do. Not. Need. Taming
It's a word thats thrown about like nobodies business by people who've no idea. It creates images of wild horses being broken in. The Read more…moment you treat us like feral ***s, you'll loose us. We arent wild because there's something wrong, we're testing the fence to see if it moves when we push. We're seeing how far we can go before you react. If your reaction changes every time, you’re not dominant enough for us, you’re a slot machine. And, given the link between brats and ADHD/ADD/ODD, we will chase the dopamine rush and pull on that lever forever because creating chaos is the whole damn point.
Real Dominance isn’t about the frequency or creativity of punishment. It’s predictability.
When the fence remains solid, we'll stop throwing ourselves at it just to test its strength. Instead, we'll start leaning on it, because we finally believe it will hold.
.
We might look chaotic, our world's can feel chaotic to us. The constant pushing of buttons can be an ask for structure and routine. At first we might respond to it like it’s a personal insult until we realise it’s still there even though we've done all we can to burn it down. To know that the routine didn’t flinch when we screamed, sulked or cried, helps to ground us and supports us to feel safe.
.
The harder we fight, the more we’re expressing an unmet need, that is, for you to be the immovable object to our unstoppable ***. Give us a Dom who wavers, bargains, or escalates into anger and we’ll stay feral forever. Give us a Dom who responds with tenacity and certainty and watch what happens: we dont disappear, far from it but, the pushing slows and what’s left is a submissive who finally feels safe enough to follow because someone was strong enough not to blink first.
.
We arent being manipulative.
We aren't Topping from the bottom
We don’t need taming.
.
Dominance needs to be constant, undeniable, and indifferent to tantrums. We need a Dom steady enough that the game lessens. If thats too much for you, rather than make accusations/complaints against them, leave them alone.
LikeNewYorkerthruandthru, Hansen123, Yorkshirefellaand 91 more… · 30 Replies
clear_spring ➦clear_spring quote Chaey:❝They would argue, but your anti gaslighting says they're being hurtful, not bratty. I'm glad you can cut them off. ❞
Thank you. I did and I have. When a sub puts anyone at risk its no longer about a playful persona situated as brattiness but about extracting structure from someone ➦clear_spring quote Chaey:❝They would argue, but your anti gaslighting says they're being hurtful, not bratty. I'm glad you can cut them off. ❞
Thank you. I did and I have. When a sub puts anyone at risk its no longer about a playful persona situated as brattiness but about extracting structure from someone
Thank you. I did and I have. When a sub puts anyone at risk its no longer about a playful persona situated as brattiness but about extracting structure from someone ➦clear_spring quote Chaey:❝They would argue, but your anti gaslighting says they're being hurtful, not bratty. I'm glad you can cut them off. ❞
Thank you. I did and I have. When a sub puts anyone at risk its no longer about a playful persona situated as brattiness but about extracting structure from someone
LikeShilo66
· 03.01.2026 10:45:40
GothicBimbo I'm not usually a bratty person but when I do test the waters its usually my kinky way of saying, hey I want you to switch up on me and be rougher or firmly correct me. Example, when I start talking bad about myself I need words of affirmation. Example, when I challenge/say no (when cnc is accepted Read more… because "no" isnt a safeword for me) I really want more.
I am a switch verse however so "topping from the bottom" to me is being a power bottom or a dom bottom. Someone who takes the lead but is receiving.
I am a switch verse however so "topping from the bottom" to me is being a power bottom or a dom bottom. Someone who takes the lead but is receiving.
Like
· 03.01.2026 8:42:21
Chaey ➦Chaey quote clear_spring:❝They would argue differently. I.e. brat being a core identity within kink but also witnessing the behaviour as a relational dynamic outside of any play time. I agree its actually a sign of a highly dysregulated nervous system to the point of compulsion.❞
They would argue, but your anti gaslighting says they're being hurtful, not bratty. I'm glad you can cut them off. ➦Chaey quote clear_spring:❝They would argue differently. I.e. brat being a core identity within kink but also witnessing the behaviour as a relational dynamic outside of any play time. I agree its actually a sign of a highly dysregulated nervous system to the point of compulsion.❞
They would argue, but your anti gaslighting says they're being hurtful, not bratty. I'm glad you can cut them off.
They would argue, but your anti gaslighting says they're being hurtful, not bratty. I'm glad you can cut them off. ➦Chaey quote clear_spring:❝They would argue differently. I.e. brat being a core identity within kink but also witnessing the behaviour as a relational dynamic outside of any play time. I agree its actually a sign of a highly dysregulated nervous system to the point of compulsion.❞
They would argue, but your anti gaslighting says they're being hurtful, not bratty. I'm glad you can cut them off.
Likeclear_spring, Shilo66
· 03.01.2026 1:59:55
Show more
3 of 30
Reflecting on an afternoon building furniture, and how it relates to D/s as I see it, I should follow the instructions the first time! 😂
LikeDJR86, 3maccs, Andy_77and 13 more…
This is also me when chatting to ladies.
100% in, or trying to play it cool. Hahahaha,
This is also me when chatting to ladies.
100% in, or trying to play it cool.