“There is something infantile in the presumption that somebody else has a responsibility to give your life meaning and point? The truly adult view, by contrast, is that our life is as meaningful, as full and as wonderful as we choose to make it.” - Richard Dawkins
“Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.” - John-Paul Sartre
“If life were easy, it wouldn't be difficult.” - Kermit the FrogAlpha, Daddy-Dom, Ethical Troublemaker.
People describe me as relentlessly positive, and I think that's what makes me different. Sure I can command, set rules, be strict, degrade, punish and a plethora of other delicously dominant things and though I mean every word of it, I've never been one to take myself too seriously. Means I'm super good at cheering people up!
I have a genuinely caring, supportive, nurturing personality, and am fiercely loyal/protective. I put a lot of love, effort and time into my partners and will fight, tooth and nail, for someone who matches that back too. I truly believe in an ownership dynamic, above and beyond that of just a d/s relationship so in that capacity, I have found that having a Puppy/Little is very much what I enjoy most as it has the ownership dynamic, but with lots of affection and care as well.
Sexually, I most definitely fit the descriptor "Primal". I am rough, I will take what I want, when I want, and Kink wise... you may as well consider me without limit there, with the caveat of as long as it's something you enjoy too. However crazy, weird and wild it is, if it gets you off, I'll do it (and I probably already have). Honestly in this regard I am not exaggerating, you can literally ask me anything, I'm an open book.Things I like
- Good food and drink! I'm a massive foodie...
- Cooking, I'm pretty good too!
- Singing, Love going out for karaoke!
- Gaming! Board/cards/video/pc/roleplay, whatever!
- Music wise, I'm pretty open. I'm more of a rock/metal head at heart, but from hip hop to folk as long as it's got soul, I'm in.
- Adventures/exploring. I'm no good at being a couch potato.
- Tea. I am an absolute tea fiend. Black, no sugar.
- Travel! I go overseas a fair bit, with work and personally, I will never get enough of seeing the world! Always nice to bring someone with me too...
- I'm a huge animal lover, but doggos are my preference I think!
- Learning sciency things! I'm a bit of a geek.
My Business. Put years of work into it, provides me with an amazing lifestyle, and I genuinely love what I do.
Desires and FantasiesThe Rules:
There are two core rules and I expect my partners to follow both without exception.
1- Never Lie
2 - Always Try
Of course more will be added on an individual basis, but these two will always remain immutable and the most important
What I do:
- Make people laugh.
- Be affectionate and Kind
- Hold someone to what they say
- Put in real work and time to push and train a sub
- Give incredible snuggles
- Accept you for who you are, with all of your crazies and quirks
- Make mistakes, take responsibility for them and apologise if I do.
- Indulge in your kinks and fantasies, whatever they may be
- Give aftercare
- Be completely open and honest, in all things, to a fault
- Respect your boundaries, limits and beliefs
- Put your health (Mental, emotional, physical) above all else
- Set rules, but set them together.
- Have lots of messy, wild, kinky, passionate sex
- Have clear, unambiguous expectations
- Stick to one (very exceptionally two) partners at a time
- Always find loads of cool shit to do together to hang out
- Give you your own time and space when you need it
- Leave bite-marks
A lot of Pastries
What I don't:
- Judge: Your past, your kinks, your preferences, anything.
- Smoke, do drugs or get frequently drunk
- Cheat, lie, manipulate or omit truths
- Tolerate or bring drama/mental games
- Raise my tone or shout, literally ever. I do not lose my temper.
- Expect or want you to not have your own life
- Force someone in any way to do something they don't feel comfortable doing. (Though I have done CNC before, that being the exception)
- Switch or Sub, definitely never been my thing
- Look to save or rescue people. I'll support and care, but ultimately we're all responsible for keeping our shit together.
- Moan about things.
- Poly/open relationships
Tinned Tuna
The main kinks:
DDLG/Petplay
Of course, this was pretty obvious. To whatever level, whatever age/pet you associate with, everything to do with this I love. Absolutely no limits here on either of them, so go all out! - oh, and collars/tags are a huuuge thing for me too.
A note on brats: Brats who like to push and test boundaries, to tease and sometimes just need to be put in their place will be handled well. Brats who like to try to mess with peoples emotions/take advantage will not like what I do to them. At all. Don't be a dick.
Dirty Talk/Passion
This is so important to me. The most vanilla of play showing real passion, I will enjoy so much more than the kinkiest night of emotionless sex. The most exciting thing you can do with your tongue, is to let all those dirty thoughts in your head spill off of it. I'm a little* bit demi-sexual this way.
Scent/tactile Worship
Honestly this is my biggest turn on, when a sub appreciates and enjoys her Dom's scent, taste, touch... because it's his. In terms of memory, our olfactory is the most powerful and reliable of our senses. Very much appeals to my primal side.
Sadism/Masochism
This is a real interesting area, and there are a thousand different ways to explore it. Everyone has their preferences; whether for punishment, stimulus, shock or just to show you can, it's something I'll always enjoy and can push quite a way but intelligently, carefully.
Dressup/Roleplay
Absolutely great fun. I want a whole wardrobe of dressup costumes! Roleplay online, in person, exploring outfits together, ears, tails, dresses... there are an almost infinite amount of possibilites and being able to express yourself in all these different ways and perspectives never gets old.
Aggressive sex
Not hate sex, just unrestrained primal passion; The hand prints on your ass, bite marks down your neck, scratches over your back, choking, hair-pulling, wet, messy, not asking just taking kind of sex that leaves you feeling -claimed-Limits:
Other men
Sorry all you gangbang/shared use fanatics, never been my thing. Plus side is you won't be sharing me either.
indifferent/yes-doll partners
I expect you to disagree sometimes, to challenge or ask questions. Any real Dom should be able to handle that. Sometimes you'll have to do things you don't want to/feel like, sometimes you'll be punished and it'll piss you off. That's okay too, I want you to have a personality and your own mind. What I don't like Is when someone pretends to enjoy something/agree, when they don't. It's breaking rule 1 and I'll see right through it. Note this is different to CNC, which I do have experience with and can enjoy with someone I trust/understand deeply.
Smoking/drugs
So I know this is something I'll never, ever want to be a part of my life or my relationships. Occasional weed I can be okay with, but that's the limit. I won't budge on this.What I'm looking for:
Friends and Discourse
As experienced as I am, there is always more to learn and new perspectives to see from, I love hearing from others as much as telling about myself, and I could do with a few more friends in the community I can talk to about these things.
Long term partner
This will always be my preference, and will always come first. Someone who shares my interests and kinks, or even doesn't but wants to learn, will follow my two rules and genuinely wants a rewarding, loving, healthy, seriously kinky, bdsm lifestyle relationship. Obviously this takes a fair amount of time to get to, but this is where I'm happiest.
Short term play
Okay so I'm single right now and relatively open to it, but it's not my priority and if you want that then it's not going to be about training, affection and development, it's going to be about indulgent, rough, dirty sex and nothing else. I'll still give aftercare and be kind, mind you... if you want it.Hope you enjoyed the little insight into my head! Feel free to message me if you want to talk or have questions or wish to dispute tinned tuna being unfit for human consumption. On a closing note:
In my opinion in any healthy D/S relationship, the real control at the end of the day is with the Submissive. A dom can instruct, ask, command, tell, insist... but if it's healthy the one thing they can't do is actually force. No matter what's happened, the submissive can always refuse, and should be reminded of that and encouraged to if they really feel uncomfortable. If it's a healthy relationship, the sub is where the true control rests. Submission is earned and given not demanded or a right. That's what gives it value.
Now that's an interesting point, one could simply order the sub to be affectionate etc ... I'm not sure how effective that would be, and goes a little bit full circle of if they knew that to begin with, would it be the kind of dynamic they'd want anyway. You're not wrong that one could simply Read more… command it though.
Honestly I've never tried that before, does anyone have any experience with something similar?
Someone else having final say, doesn't mean you don't have personal choice or levels of autonomy. It's just given within a framework set by the other person. And because someone chooses to do so, should not necessarily mean they are dependent. In fact, the whole point of the second half of my post Read more… was asking people's thoughts on having that level of physical control, but being emotionally supportive and caring, building a sub's confidence and independence, so as they can continue to -choose- to submit because of what they gain from it, not through fear and whether that juxtaposition is possible or not, or if that kind of dynamic requires a sub to be dependent.
Now herein lies the crux of the matter, and honestly I think it's not just physical, one could simply have an overbearing character without the body to match, and still emotionally manipulate a person.
In my experience, in the vast majority of relationships, d/s or vanilla, there is always one Read more… party that has more control. What do I mean by control? Who is the person who decides if a relationship continues or not. For me, it would mean if there was a disagreement, or something wasn't right, who would be the person more inclined to leave, and who would be the person more inclined to stay and fight. Usually, the person who would choose to leave is the one in control, as they evidently feel like they have less to lose than the other person. So ultimately, I believe the control often lies with the person who values the relationship the least.
In a d/s dynamic, it could be either the submissive or the dominant who is in control in that sense. And the same person may be more in control in one dynamic, and less in the next.
Now this is all in the very ultimate/final sense of control, though it does display in day to day actions as well. However, within the tolerances of the relationship not coming to breaking point for the person who values it least, the question of who has control as others have said depends very much on the dynamic: Instead of saying what I think it should be, I'll give you three examples of what different power balances might look like, and hopefully you'll see that it could be one, the other, or both in control. In this scenario the submissive has repeatedly broken one of their rules after being warned of dire consequences:
Dom in control of relationship:
Sub is made to do things that the Dom knows they genuinely hate. For example: severe punishments, plus no phone/tv for a week, pushing dislikes/limits without any pleasure for sub, caged for a couple days, cold showers... disproportionately treated badly to make the point. The Dom knows the sub is unlikely to leave, so can push the punishments a long way to force the desired result and adherence to rules.
Equal control of relationship:
Sub is punished, but taking it further than normal to make the point and to be accountable, then sit down after and figure out together why the rule isn't working any more and what to do about it.
Sub in control of relationship:
Sub is punished, but taking it further than normal to make the point. Limits aren't really pushed, and ultimately it's just a hard, long funishment. Rules haven't changed, status quo continues, sub can continue to break the rule, almost making it a transaction of punishment for breaking it. Sure the dom has set the cost, but they are clearly not the one in control, the sub just isn't deterred by the consequences.
Now of course these are just examples, and there are lots of other ways it could be expressed I'm sure. Equally each of those may sustain happy, long and healthy relationships or be toxic and unstable. My preference is to alternate between the first two, with Dom being in control as the default, but when there are endemic/recurrent/serious problems I find it best to bring everyone to a level plane to talk about things rationally.
What do you think?