New to this.
Introvert and loner who has a kinky Dom side he's interested in exploring. Wouldn't mind chatting and perhaps meeting up with someone to see where it goes.
To be honest, I'm shy and reserved at first glance and so far have mostly preferred my own company, but the more confident and comfortable I am with someone the more bossy yet playful I tend to become. Basically I'm just looking for the right person to spend time and explore my fantasies with, someone who can bring me out of my shell and be patient with me while we stay intrigued with each other and hopefully grow together.
My desire is a LTR with a partner who is equal in public but submissive in private.
I am a private person who needs a companion, so my ideal partner would share at least some of my (kink and non-kink) hobbies and interests and keep me company when I desire it, be in their mid-20s to mid-30s and be willing to give me my space, and be respected in turn.
At the same time I very much like the idea of undressing someone, tying them up, pleasuring them and having them pleasure me, perhaps occasionally bathing or dressing them, and inflicting pain if they want it (within reason).
I'm reserved on the surface and too much of a loner for a 24/7 relationship- at least right now- and frankly I wouldn't respect someone who was too clingy, plus I'm new to this so my ideal sub would be patient with me while I learned the ropes.
If that's what I was looking for I might have gone for it, but that isn't the case.
Though to be honest, even then I think I would have been dissatisfied quickly.
I know I'm being very picky, but that is how I am. Besides we were actually both on the same page on that matter, wanting to be with Read more… someone potentially permanent.
Well, anyway, we've agreed it's not happening.
We have similar lifestyles and we both want similar things from a kinky relationship, but it seems we don't really have any other interests in common, so it probably wouldn't have worked.
Oh well. Learning experience. At least I didn't hurt her as I Read more… was worried about.
I've seen many Doms and Masters say that they want a slave but not a doormat. I made it clear that I wanted someone for interesting conversation and she said that was fine, but she hasn't delivered so far, so I'm uncertain.
Her profile says she is looking for her "daddy owner master Dom",so she Read more… probably isn't 100% certain either.
She's talking more now and starting to tell me what I want to know, so I'm more relived now. She isn't on the dole; she has a job, and it seems like she just works long hours and is only tired, which is relieving.
(I'm studying psychology so maybe I'm just letting that get to my head if my first thought is "what psychological condition does this person have?" - sheesh)
I think you misunderstand- I wasn't asking about that particular day; I was asking about days in general. What does she do with her life? If the answer really is "nothing", there is no point in hooking up, because I don't want to be with someone like that.
It seems like she is the sort of person Read more… who wants to be a sub because she has no hobbies or interests period. She is intelligent, because she got herself a degree, but she is not "curious"; I'm not even sure she has even looked at my profile yet. I'm worried she is the sort of person who just wants someone to tell her how to live her life and has no direction of her own at all,, and I'm not interested in that.
She got back to me and said she was tired and fell asleep, and that's something she's done a few times. It might be that she is just overworked, but I think she just dissociates as a defence mechanism.
I'm not worried that I'll chase her off anymore; I'm worried that I am not interested in her after all.
Well, good news- she was happy to keep talking to me after all that, and she was still at least open to meeting up.
Bad news- now she isn't talking to me for a totally different reason. Sigh.
And I might have genuinely upset her this time without meaning to. I'm getting the impression she Read more… might have anxiety or depression or something.
I asked her what she did during the day and she said "nothing"; she'd been dancing around that question for the last few days. I told her what I did- even though I'm a boring introverted person myself- to encourage her to open up, but she still said "nothing", so I told her that if that was true it would be a dealbreaker for me and she surely must do SOMETHING, even if it's just watching television or hanging out with friends.
And now, silence :(
I've sent her a message asking if she's kay, but this might be the end of it. I can only hope I haven't really hurt her.
I wasn't laying down rules; I was laying out what I wanted or hoped for, and I made it clear that is what I was doing.
It was more, "Here is what I would like- how do you feel about this?"; "Here is another thing- what about that?" And I asked her what she liked and mixed in important stuff with Read more… lighthearted stuff.
Also she said she wanted a slave on her profile; she never looked at mine as far as I can tell (which honestly does bother me slightly). I approached her and we started chatting. 90% of it was great and fun.
She wasn't put off by me talking about this stuff or laying out what I liked; it was more the amount of it and specific things.
But okay, I'll remember this for future.
I think neither of us have experience.
To clarify, I'm looking for something potentially serious and permanent- a girlfriend who is does slave- so I felt it was important to get that out there from the beginning (and she was totally on board with that part); the living arrangement stuff was an Read more… extension of that. I felt it would be better to scare them off now rather than later.
It didn't scare her off right away either; after bringing it up (and apologising for getting ahead of myself), I started asking her questions about what she would like kink-wise, and when her answers were a bit short I started dating what I wanted to encourage her to open up.a bit more and see how she felt about each thing, and again she seemed very receptive.
All of this just to give us a rough idea of what we might expect, and again she was generally very receptive until she suddenly went quiet.
Like I said, she started calling me "sir" straight away without me asking, so I guess we both got caught up in things. Luckily she eventually started talking to me again and I was able to make sure she was okay and apologised for rushing things, and assured her she didn't have to continue if she didn't want to.
But yes, I see your point. It wasn't exactly how I imagined our conversation going either; I too hoped for text chat, followed by video chat, followed by a meet up in a pub or something to discuss things properly. I guess I just felt I had to spell things out to make sure it got even that far.
I did that, yes.
I asked her what she wanted and expected out of this, and I ask her about her own limits etc.
I definitely talked more than her I'll grant, but that was just because her answers were fairly short.
Also every time I told her what I would like it was to see how she felt about it, Read more… and get her reply. Almost all of them were positive or just asking for clarification, so I continued.
This was also only our second ever chat (the first was cut short because I had to leave early), and up to that point she seemed receptive.
By "living arrangements" it was More of a "your place or mine?" thing, albeit I admit I did suggest eventually getting somewhere together, somewhere down the road, clarifying it was only because my own place isn't really suitable (although granted yes she did advise me not to open with that in future)
I study personality theories and I know professionals in the field; yes, people can be "naturally" Dominant or Submissive (in the non-kink sense, but likely the kink as well- this hasn't been studied as much), although most are in-between. Personality and temperament can be observed at an early age Read more… and genetics play a part as much as upbringing, with the area where they overlap being an emergent field called epigenetics. Identical twins often DO have similar personalities- even if raised apart- and when they don't their personalities are sometimes precisely the opposite- as in, suspiciously opposite, rather than widely different (i.e. hot and cold rather than hot and trees).
Environment and upbringing obviously do play a part and shape the person as well, but we are not born blank slates and even though our personality changes over time it does so in an organic way- a seed to a flower rather than a sand to a sandcastle. People who believe that nurture trumps nature every time may in fact be naturally inclined towards adaptation and focusing on external experiences in the first place, so ones stance on the debate itself might well be a reflection of ones innate personality already as much as anything they have been taught to believe.
And ALL of this is WILDLY off topic so how about someone either makes a separate post for this or just ends it right now, m'kay? This post is for asking questions, not debating psychology.