First and foremost, let me say - I am NOT exclusively a findomme. In fact, it's only recently that I have begun to employ this tactic, at the request of a (surprising) number of pets. And though I must say I do enjoy it, I think I've worked out why so many pets are requesting it directly from a Read more…domme they already trust, rather than fishing through the sea of "fauxdommes", who - in all likelihood - don't really get it.
I've been having a look through this site, and others like it, and on Twitter and elsewhere, and have seen comical levels of desperation from "quick buck" and/or completely feckless "findommes". Forum posts like "Now accepting new pay piggies", and "Pay me what I deserve, you filthy pigs", etc and so forth. And, though they're bloody *everywhere*, I am at least pleased to see that very few of them have any replies. Why? Because the ploy is obvious and not a little distasteful. And frankly, it's just not sexy.
The thing is...this whole scene is about trust. It's about establishing a trusting, safe space, where both parties can feel vulnerable, and explore their deepest desires. And yes, I do include the domme in here because - if she's worth her "price" - she's working pretty hard to come up with creative ways to "torture" her pigs (or pets, as I call them), without completely destroying them. A domme who only takes from her subs, without regard for outcome, or for their wellbeing, is not a domme - she's a bad human.
And THAT is not a woman deserving of worship. Not in my book anyway.
A proper domme should be demanding but, ultimately, kind. Which isn't to say that she will work for free, or that she will not bring a pet to the absolute edge (within his limits), but it means that she always engages in aftercare (unless the arrangement is otherwise), and never EVER takes more than her pet can reasonably (or even at a stretch) provide. I wonder when those who are just after a quick buck, or those who take without regard, will learn how to be a mistress *worthy* of worship, and therefore, don't need to post such ridiculous things on the internet, because they men come to *them*.
And it's not just the dommes who are fucking up the game. On the sub side - please do NOT expect your mistress to work for free. To begin to "take you over" with no incentive or demonstration of willing. Her time is as valuable as your kink, and the relationship should be one of mutual pleasure, right from the start. And, frankly, if your kink really is paying for the pleasure of a woman's attention, well...a small gesture to demonstrate your willingness to serve ought to give you as much pleasure as it gives her. Certainly don't empty any bank accounts within the first few messages, but a small token of intent gets things off to a proper start. Again - mutual trust is key. And it has to start somewhere.
Anyway. I just wanted to put some thoughts down. Feel free to disagree if you must. But please...be kind. Here and everywhere else.