Thank you.

I think Anonymous H needs to be realistic with himself, he’s almost certainly being played by his sub. The cliché about the man who “hardly ever” has sex with his wife but who won’t leave her is a cliché for a reason. Let’s not collude with Anonymous H on this, the best advice we can give him is Read more… that this isn’t likely to end well for him, or give him what he wants.
I also think that the only ethical way to proceed with this relationship is to accept that any time that his sub is away from him is nothing to do with him. To do otherwise would be to violate his sub’s wife’s reasonable expectation of privacy.
IMV the bottom line here is that if you’re going to have an affair with a married person, then you have to accept the limitations that come with the territory.
Apologies if this is an unpopular opinion, but there’s no point in having ethical principles if we discard them at will.

We have to be really. All parties are making themselves vulnerable, and good communication is key. As we’re asking for the gift of consent, being charming is the best long term strategy really.

Following as I’m in a similar situation.

One pretty boring one: to wake up in a world that has cracked carbon free energy (and maybe space exploration whilst we're at it).
One pretty standard one: to be 16 again and know what I know now.
One slightly out there one: to solve the Reimann Hypothesis.

I can't speak for everyone, and I certainly can't speak for "serious subs", however I think that a decent attitude goes a very long way. Most of the submissive women that I've been involved with are most concerned about being able to trust the person that they're with, communicate with them and Read more… feel safe in a scene with them.
I honestly don't think that there's a way to avoid learning anything without making mistakes. IMV the trick is putting things in place that minimises the risk of harm when mistakes happen, rather than thinking that you can avoid them outright.

As a point of personal safety, I would never arrange to meet someone from the internet in a non-public space for an initial meet. If they're genuine, then they should be happy to meet you for a coffee or drink before hand.
Second, I would never buy expensive gifts without it being clear what the Read more… relationship was. I certainly wouldn't be handing them over without having met the person in the flesh.
Third is that I'd be really cautious about having met this person on a vanilla dating site.

OP do you have a partner currently?
I've found that the best way to learn is with a submissive partner. Talking about what we've done, or are going to do can be as much fun as doing it. That way I get loads of feedback and we both have fun.

For me, the whole fun of being a Dom is working within my subs limits and exploring exactly what the boundaries are in a fun and exciting way. A big part of aftercare is finding out what are hard and soft limits as you get to know each other.
Anyone who tells you that subs can't have limits is to Read more… be avoided IMO.

Hi everyone. New to the forum. I'm a reasonably experienced non-scene dom.
OP, although different people have different interpretations of what a BDSM relationship should mean, for me it's always been that my sub has ultimate control through their consent. IMV, nothing should happen between a dom Read more… and a sub without there being some form of consent. That consent may be implied (non use of a safeword or an opportunity to back down) or it may be explicit (discussion of boundaries and agreed limits of behaviour).
For a dom to start assuming control without the necessary precautions in place (as in this case) smacks of inexperience and borderline abusive behaviour. If nothing else, he's putting himself at risk. Most experienced doms will have come across unstable people at some point. To wade straight into coercing them to do things that are outside their comfort zone without a clear history of consent is foolhardy to say the least. It only takes one allegation to cause a deal of problems.
OP, please read about consent and aftercare. Any dom worth their salt should be offering these to you, especially if you're new to each other and outside a club or swinging environment.