Female · 42 ·
I'm interested in exploring for now. That means talking and exchanging ideas, thoughts, stories. If something builds out of that I'll count myself lucky but I wouldn't be disappointed to have gained a few like-minded friends from experiences here and nothing more.
One night/no strings isn't really my style. I have done it wouldn't rule it out with the right combination of circumstances and person, but I'm not here seeking out that type of deal.
Not really sure what to expect so keeping an open mind ?
A few people have been curious about what I'm into so here's a few words...
I like being an integral part of the artwork that is a tie. The feel of the rope, sometimes bristly, sometimes silky, on my skin is incredibly sensual. it has a weight and solidity to it that can be calming and arousing.
A really good question from a contact had me totally stumped: do I enjoy the physical sensation of being tied up, or the mental space that comes with it? I really couldn't answer. Sometimes lines of rope will hug, rub or squeeze in exquisitely sensitive places and sensation triumphs. Others the vulnerability of being immobile is the key. The trust handed to your rigger with your freedom to move is immense and I do feel more closely bonded with them during and after a session. This can be purely platonic but even so is intense.
Outside of rope, my interests are varied. I prefer to blend kink with vanilla time. Perhaps because I enjoy putting myself and control into my partner's hands most of the time (most: not all). I'm not entirely submissive but do enjoy a confident man who will take what he wants. Being overpowered and pinned down under someone stronger, faster, bigger are some of my favourite places to be...
One last comment aimed specifically at only a few apples in the barrel: there aren't nudes or nearly nudes in my private photos and you don't have a right to access them. Those photos are full face and for those I trust with the ability to identify me in the street. Given my kinks perhaps you can understand why I don't wish anyone and everyone to be able to!
Specific words don't really do it for me, but the change to the voice when a guy I'm seriously into is a bit lust-drunk or really turned on sends signals chasing my spine. Sometimes gravelly, sometimes husky, sometimes just an abandonment of whole sentences... However it manifests I love it
I think because it sounds ridiculous if you actually think about what you're saying. Guys also don't give us much to go on; it would be helpful if you told us what you want to hear and didn't just ask for "y'know, _dirty_ talk". (I've found talking about size and about what the things we're doing Read more… is making me feel are good starters). But you're all also just as bad! Most guys want to talk about how dirty and filthy I am which is for me personally a turn off. So to come up with something vaguely original, that doesn't make you want to cringe or laugh, that sits in the receiver's happy place WHILE in the throes... It's all quite cognitive overload-y 😁
Someone who is comfortable and quietly confident in their own body, who loves and enjoys their strengths and owns their flaws will always win out. Give me a whole human being over a pretty but fragile or empty shell any day.
The word "options" feels uncomfortable - unless it's mutually agreed to be casual up front. They are people with hopes, ideals and hearts. It's one of the reasons I haven't gone there, even though it seems like a neat solution to finding the range and depth of experience I look for in Read more… relationships. I don't think I could invest in multiple fully-rounded relationships at once, and wouldn't want to risk hurting someone in efforts to find out if I could. You're also increasing the heartache potential with every poly partner you pair with, not diluting it among the pool... I don't mean to sound judgemental but are you sure poly relations is the solution to the problem you have? It doesn't sound that way 🤔
Sounds like a form of shaming, @th1rte3n. Or certainly a lack of willingness to take your wants and needs seriously. There are people out there who will take your desires at face value and give them the consideration they're due - I'd put time and effort into finding them, and forgetting those Read more… who try to know you better than you know yourself.
Both! I might not be able to protect with height or strength, but I love giving emotional shelter and spooning is a lovely way to do it. Holding a guy in my arms or having him sit so he's cradled in my pelvis, back against my chest also feel very loving and intimate <3
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable can be quite freeing, especially after you've done it a few times in a few different guises and nothing terrible happened. People will genuinely surprise you, and you will surprise yourself if you give yourself the chance.
I have to say though there are both Read more… positive and negative reinforcements. It's unrealistic to suggest you'll never be let down. It's how you deal with it that counts. This weekend my date cancelled on me and I'm pretty sure has ghosted me after weeks of building what seemed like a drool-worthy connection. It hurts but it was worth the risk. That date didn't pan out but the next might. I learned during our interactions, and after, and am a bit stronger for it.
Is there a poly meetup near you? I have poly friends who have had similar experiences on the apps - it's just as hard as vanilla dating on them with the extra factor of ENM and peoples' general reception of it. Those friends have met more partners at munches, meetups and dedicated interest Read more… groups. I've also seen one or more of them struggle when one is partnered and the other isn't. They did resolve it but I don't know how - I imagine lots of love and talking...
Can confirm: _FAR_ randier in my forties than at any other age. Briefly wondered if I was yet at a problematic level but haven't had anyone complaining so decided to live and let myself live 😁 I would be having similar problems if still with some of my exes
If you have different drives, your partner may not realise the hurt caused or that it feels like rejection. You may need to tell them because although it's painful and obvious to you, their needs are met fully. They don't experience the loss you do...
Is it also possible to discuss the Read more… approach? In a past relationship I thought I was clearly initiating sex but it wasn't blatant enough to get through to the guy. And in another, my ex tried to initiate in much the same way you describe. But he hadn't otherwise touched me at all, all day. I'm tactile; I need to give and receive little doses of affection often to be sure my feelings are known and to feel loved and desired. His technique was asking me to go from 0 to 60 instantaneously and it was actually a turn off. Things improved after talking but ultimately we were too different (in many ways, not just this).
I've been asked if I would consider this kind of relationship a few times now. There's a lot going on in that dynamic that makes it quite high-stakes for me. Mentally speaking. I can occasionally glimpse the appeal from my role's perspective, but it also creates a lot of emotional strain I'm 100% Read more… sure I'm not equipped to deal with.
For starters, I will usually only have sex with people I have feelings for and I don't tend to have those kinds of feels for more than one person at a time. They develop over time and many exchanges/encounters.
Then... If you want to watch, that's tapping into an exhibitionist streak of the psyche from an interesting angle. You're being watched but by someone who has seen all of you anyway (assuming your pairing includes sex and a strong emotional bond). I'm not a natural exhibitionist and don't think it would matter that the voyeur had seen it all before. The watching would be unsettling, no matter the watcher.
There's also battling your own perceptions of the behaviour. If our positions were switched I couldn't see it as anything other than a total violation of trust. I think cuckolding is not a kink you can casually dip into, or try without preparation and consequences. If my partner spanks me and I'm not into it, we move on. If he wants to be tied and learns restraint is more frustrating than arousing, we haven't brought a third or more person into our relationship. Perhaps I'm limited by viewing it through my own flawed equipment but opening your bond to include others seems to be the kind of boundary you can't cross back over once done.