You’re up against the wall, arms pinned behind your back. You can’t move, a hand grabs your hair, forcing your head back and your eyes meet. Burning desire, lust. Then slow tingling sensations fester in your finger tips and your hands go numb. Your eyes change from sexy desire to ‘help my hands are going to fall off!’ But your Dom doesn’t see it. Finally, you scream ‘RED!’ Erotic torture doesn’t have to hurt… in a bad way. Fetish.com gives you six tips you can start using right away to play safer.
Erotic Torture Doesn’t Mean Actual Torture
Play it Safe! Six Tips for How You Can Play Better
Safety in BDSM can be a big deal – but there are some very simple things that you can do very easily that will make your play safer with no trouble at all.
- No numbness. Pins and needles in your hands is distracting, uncomfortable and potentially even dangerous. When you’re pinning down someone’s wrists, use even pressure from your whole hand to do it – and get them to let you know if you’re cutting off the blood flow.
- Rough & tough. Unless you know exactly what you’re doing (by which I mean have had real, legitimate training, not just ‘I watch a lot of action films’) it’s best to use slower and more controlled movements to push someone around with. Someone once dislocated my shoulder by accident while trying to pin my arm up behind my back. It was a deeply unpleasant experience.
- You’re pulling my… When you’re pulling someone’s hair, run your fingers along their scalp and make a firm grip right at the root. This gives you more control, is a much better feeling, and leaves you less likely to accidentally break their hair. Aching scalps are one thing, but a bad hair month is quite another!
- Breath play. If you’re going to choke someone, it’s important to watch your angles. You want to aim for their ability to breathe, not the blood supply to their brain! Pay a great deal of attention to a sub while you’re doing this – do this only for a few seconds at a time, and give your sub plenty of breaks. Preferably you want to have eye contact with them while you’re doing it, too – this makes it easier for you to keep up with how they’re doing and where they’re at.
- Under pressure. If they’re lying down while you choke them, you also want to pay attention to where the heel of your hand has ended up. If it’s putting pressure on their collarbones or sternum, they’re probably not enjoying it much – that’s a nasty sharp pain that’s no fun at all, and horribly distracting from all the wonderful things about having someone’s hand around your throat.
- Keep it slick. There really isn’t anything wrong with using lube. There really, really isn’t anything wrong with using lube. It doesn’t mean either of you have failed or whatever. It just means that you can have all the sex you both want without discomfort and without causing microabrasions that can itch madly for a week.
Abi Brown is a freelance writer and general pen-for-hire devoted to sexual deviancy, far-left politics and wearing too much jewellery. Find her at her website or @see_abi_write.