How to deal with being a masochist in daily life?

[KarmaChameleon_2112]

Yo, new to this site, and this part of me honestly... This isn't a sexual post, I just want to know from other masochists if it bleeds into daily life much for anyone else, and how exactly do you deal with controlling that?

The reason I say it's not sexual, is because it goes past that point now, that's what I wanna get to grips with here.

Still learning and exploring this side of myself, could be more sado-masochist as well.

But this masochistic thing is fucking up my everyday life at this point lmao

 

Hope this doesn't come off too weird, but I feel like I'm in the right place for this question

[ca****]

...maybe offer a bit more detail as to how this is 'fucking up' your everyday life.....  or expand on what 'fucking' up' relates to...

Think that will get you better 'focussed' replies???

[Ba****]

Hi! Fellow masochist here! I think the most simple example of how it bleeds into my life is that I have 5 cats. I’m allergic to cats. How am I coping with it? Well… number 6 will be being adopted soon.

From a *** perspective, I have a tiny little car paddle that sits in my glove box so if I get overwhelmed (I suffer from bad anxiety and panic attacks) and need that brain quieting tap, I can self soothe quickly. It’s also a fabulous fidget toy when I’m stuck in traffic, I can just tap the beat of a song out on my thigh. I’m not sure if this is the sort of thing you were asking, but I hope it helps

[an****]

honestly, i find it pretty easy to deal with. i simply enjoy ***, which is something most people might find odd but the first thing i did when i was accepting this as part of myself was to forget about all that. im not sure if thats your problem or what you need help with exactly, but i think some general advice would be, as cliche as it sounds: be yourself, accept your desires as they are as part of you and go from there. if you need help with something more specific though, feel free to respond or dm or whatever you'd like!

[KarmaChameleon_2112]

2 hours ago, callipygian said:

...maybe offer a bit more detail as to how this is 'fucking up' your everyday life.....  or expand on what 'fucking' up' relates to...

Think that will get you better 'focussed' replies???

Yeah, I'll expand a bit more...

I'm worried how far this will go basically, I'm going out of my way just to get some *** in, and it reaches a point where the same old thing isn't enough, so I ramp it up to something more.

My worry is that I'm gonna cause myself serious *** this way.

I'll leave a conversation to hurt myself, I'll be doing it in secret while watching some film...

All I'm wondering is if others have this problem, and if there are any ways around it, or of coping with it

[KarmaChameleon_2112]

2 hours ago, BackRubsNBruises said:

Hi! Fellow masochist here! I think the most simple example of how it bleeds into my life is that I have 5 cats. I’m allergic to cats. How am I coping with it? Well… number 6 will be being adopted soon.

From a *** perspective, I have a tiny little car paddle that sits in my glove box so if I get overwhelmed (I suffer from bad anxiety and panic attacks) and need that brain quieting tap, I can self soothe quickly. It’s also a fabulous fidget toy when I’m stuck in traffic, I can just tap the beat of a song out on my thigh. I’m not sure if this is the sort of thing you were asking, but I hope it helps

no this is helpful! I suffer with panic attacks myself, so I get this

[Ba****]

3 minutes ago, KarmaChameleon_2112 said:

Yeah, I'll expand a bit more...

I'm worried how far this will go basically, I'm going out of my way just to get some *** in, and it reaches a point where the same old thing isn't enough, so I ramp it up to something more.

My worry is that I'm gonna cause myself serious *** this way.

I'll leave a conversation to hurt myself, I'll be doing it in secret while watching some film...

All I'm wondering is if others have this problem, and if there are any ways around it, or of coping with it

That instantly sounds more like self harm than masochism. I don’t recall all of the psychology behind it, but SH can actually be addictive. Having masochistic tendencies is part of a person, but it shouldn’t take over your life to that point.

I’d urge you to look into some professional help because I’m now also worried you’ll end up hurting yourself.

[KarmaChameleon_2112]

2 hours ago, anguishedwinter said:

honestly, i find it pretty easy to deal with. i simply enjoy ***, which is something most people might find odd but the first thing i did when i was accepting this as part of myself was to forget about all that. im not sure if thats your problem or what you need help with exactly, but i think some general advice would be, as cliche as it sounds: be yourself, accept your desires as they are as part of you and go from there. if you need help with something more specific though, feel free to respond or dm or whatever you'd like!

Yup, still getting to the acceptance bit really... But I'm getting there!

Only worried about where the bounderaies are with this *** thing I'm after, if there's a limit I guess. Figure it's something I'll need to find out for myself, but I just wanna know if anyone else has these struggles or worries about it

I appreciate the response

[Ba****]

If you want to safely explore your boundaries, I’d recommend finding your local community and attend some munches, befriend a sadist (they’re usually the sweet cuddly ones who like head scratches) and discuss doing some scenes to figure it all out. Jut remember to start light and build.

But I still don’t think having to leave a conversation etc to get your next hit (I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist that pun) is extreme and a bit concerning

[KarmaChameleon_2112]

Just now, BackRubsNBruises said:

That instantly sounds more like self harm than masochism. I don’t recall all of the psychology behind it, but SH can actually be addictive. Having masochistic tendencies is part of a person, but it shouldn’t take over your life to that point.

I’d urge you to look into some professional help because I’m now also worried you’ll end up hurting yourself.

ah, didn't mean for it to come across quite that way, apologies.

Don't worry about it, I'm already in touch with a counseler! I won't end up doing anything, it's just a consideration in the way things feel

[Ta****]

What an exciting question! Because I do believe our kinks like masochism and submission , sadism and the will to control can subconsciously affect our daily life, if unstilled.

And it can be harmful. You already found a counsellor. I would not usually suggest it, but maybe try a gentle session in a professional studio? And see if this can stop selfharming?

I like the movie Secretary, it's fun but it also deals with the topic. And I've seen some subs develop more of a seine when they are with a good, encouraging top who wants sub to excel.

But counselling is more important. You need to find a non-harmful with something. This could mean you should not get into a relationship until you become a person who can deal with themself.

A studio would be my suggestion if that feels right for you. If it's a good place with people who work within your boundaries.

[Ka****]

2 hours ago, KarmaChameleon_2112 said:

Yeah, I'll expand a bit more...

I'm worried how far this will go basically, I'm going out of my way just to get some *** in, and it reaches a point where the same old thing isn't enough, so I ramp it up to something more.

My worry is that I'm gonna cause myself serious *** this way.

I'll leave a conversation to hurt myself, I'll be doing it in secret while watching some film...

All I'm wondering is if others have this problem, and if there are any ways around it, or of coping with it

Seek a sadist that is willing to mentor you during that need to feel *** feeling. Put a rubber band on your wrist and flick it to calm the feeling until you are satiable. Start easy and as someone mentioned earlier, build up. It will be a long process to find out what you are into. Thud, sting, body part preference, which implement you prefer. Perhaps what you seek is what a drug addict seeks, chasing the dragon as they call it. Maybe what you seek is subspace and *** play or needle play will be what pleasures your void. Experiment, trial and error. Be true to yourself. If you are in such turmoil you definitely are in the S&M world. Maybe self harm is what you need to calm this feeling of yours. Just know your limits. What are you NOT willing to do, then everything else is open for game. Time and patience is what you need as finding a top or sadist you can trust takes time and masochism is something not to be taken lightly. Do your research before delving deep into it. Know your body before you think about handing it over to someone. Not all sadist will think like me as not all follow consent. Remember, YOU as the bottom, you are in charge. So don’t lie to yourself and stay true.
Good luck.

[Ka****]

19 minutes ago, TaliX said:

What an exciting question! Because I do believe our kinks like masochism and submission , sadism and the will to control can subconsciously affect our daily life, if unstilled.

And it can be harmful. You already found a counsellor. I would not usually suggest it, but maybe try a gentle session in a professional studio? And see if this can stop selfharming?

I like the movie Secretary, it's fun but it also deals with the topic. And I've seen some subs develop more of a seine when they are with a good, encouraging top who wants sub to excel.

But counselling is more important. You need to find a non-harmful with something. This could mean you should not get into a relationship until you become a person who can deal with themself.

A studio would be my suggestion if that feels right for you. If it's a good place with people who work within your boundaries.

The Secretary is a great movie for both sadist and masochist. Self harm and preservation where they accepted what they truly are and they complement one another. Give and take relationship.

[Caldissimo]

It affects my work life and really makes me feel torn. I wish I was able to express it in my personal life, as then it wouldn’t cause so much turmoil 😔

[Ka****]

37 minutes ago, Caldissimo said:

It affects my work life and really makes me feel torn. I wish I was able to express it in my personal life, as then it wouldn’t cause so much turmoil 😔

Would you care to explain how so it affects you in your daily life? I am baffled by that.

[Deleted Member]

Yes it does but I don't hide who I am from my daily life. I am who I am and if people don't like it I don't care. The part I hate about being a masochist though is when you're in *** and people say but you're a masochist. Just because we like *** doesn't mean we like all kinds of *** and yes before anyone tries to say otherwise there are different kinds of ***.