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Best place for first meeting?

By Deleted Member
in New to BDSM, Kink & Fetish?

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Deleted Member

Posted

After first meeting some men, I realized that if I let the guy pick where we are first meeting it's always a hotel and he expects sex.

My main issue with finding a public place for the first meeting  is that I don't drive and public transportation where I live is extremely limited and useless. 

In the past I have had very traumatic experiences with getting  taxi rides; so Uber and the likes are out of the question.

Also, the area I live in has limited public places that I'm able to walk to easily and everything (even bars) closes before 10 pm, unless it's Denny's.

It looks like my best bet for the first meeting is Denny's, but it seems to be a little trashy to me.

 

Were does else everyone prefer to go for a first meeting?

Deleted Member

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I prefer activities for first meeting. So we don't have to constantly talk entire time. The coffee meets are too rushed for me and never felt right. Eating was too much quiet time. Doing something was relaxing and small talk in spurts.

Deleted Member

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2 minutes ago, Admirekink said:

I prefer activities for first meeting. So we don't have to constantly talk entire time. The coffee meets are too rushed for me and never felt right. Eating was too much quiet time. Doing something was relaxing and small talk in spurts.

I live in the desert so there isn't many options here. I love walking. But going on a hike alone with a man that I have never meet before; is just asking for trouble 

Deleted Member

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2 minutes ago, PalmBeachinIt said:

Gotta be a big girl and either buy a car or take an Uber 🤷‍♂️

I have depth perception issues. It's too unsafe for me to drive. 

As for Uber, nice gaslighting. I hope that you don't treat the people you care about the same way.

Deleted Member

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If there is literally nothing for miles around other than a couple bars & a denny's, then you aren't going to magic a solution on here, just go to a bar or the diner, as the saying goes, beggars can't be choosers, if there's nothing else around & you can't travel anywhere, then you have no choice but to go local & make the best of it, it's not about the location anyway, it's about meeting someone & getting to know them, you can do that in a 5 star restaurant or the local fast food place.
No****

No****

Posted
I am confused. If you let the man pick the place for the first meeting, and they choose a hotel, how do you get to the hotel?

Also, if you and a man met on Food.com while sharing recipes and agreed to meet at a restaurant, would it be wrong for him to think the meeting was to share a meal? This is a sex and fetish site. If you meet someone on this site and, after some discussion, agree to meet him at a hotel…and you never added the disclaimer that the meeting was NOT for sex, can’t say I blame the guy for misreading the signs.

And if Denny’s is all you have, that’s perfect. Denny’s is hardly 5-Star, but it is 24 hours (in most places), they have plenty of shareable meals, and quick (often, free) coffee refills. Go there a few times until you feel comfortable with him and then maybe you can have him pick you up to go somewhere else? Or, after you get comfortable with him, meet him at Denny’s and have him drive somewhere else.

Deleted Member

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7 minutes ago, NotSoPureMichigan said:

I am confused. If you let the man pick the place for the first meeting, and they choose a hotel, how do you get to the hotel?

Also, if you and a man met on Food.com while sharing recipes and agreed to meet at a restaurant, would it be wrong for him to think the meeting was to share a meal? This is a sex and fetish site. If you meet someone on this site and, after some discussion, agree to meet him at a hotel…and you never added the disclaimer that the meeting was NOT for sex, can’t say I blame the guy for misreading the signs.

And if Denny’s is all you have, that’s perfect. Denny’s is hardly 5-Star, but it is 24 hours (in most places), they have plenty of shareable meals, and quick (often, free) coffee refills. Go there a few times until you feel comfortable with him and then maybe you can have him pick you up to go somewhere else? Or, after you get comfortable with him, meet him at Denny’s and have him drive somewhere else.

While fetishes can include sex, it's not necessary. Plus sex when you are first meeting hardly ends well because the guy usually ends ghosting after he gets what he wants.

When I'm talking and getting to know a guy, nothing I say is sexual. I want to get to know him to see if we have similar kinks (which are also not sexual because I love *** and denial). So him expecting sex is all on him. I tell them that I want to meet in a public place and they suggest a hotel 🙄. I need to work on being more stern.

The town I live in is so small that the only coffee places are inside of grocery stores. I guess Denny's it is.

 

Pa****

Pa****

Posted
4 minutes ago, TheMacabreBrat said:

Which is why figuring out a safe place for a first meeting is all the more important. Too many people want to rush into kink and it never ends out well for someone 

I've met multiple women and immediately engaged in sex, multiple times with multiple partners. And I am usually down to go back for more. But if you're not comfortable doing that then you should make the person aware you have 0 intentions of doing anything sexual when meeting them. You are making things difficult for no reason and placing blame on the other person. And it's not right.

Deleted Member

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8 hours ago, TheMacabreBrat said:

Were does else everyone prefer to go for a first meeting?

While possibly not helpful in your particular situation, I lean towards meeting at munches. If the person ghosts me, I can still attend the munch. If they do show up, we both have someone to talk to. If the conversation goes badly, we can opt to pay attention to the rest of the munch. 

I used to do coffee dates and either read or play Pokémon Go until the person either arrived or until 15 minutes after the meet time.

Mollena Williams talked about playing a game with herself where she'd award herself points for making herself presentable, going out, arriving at the meeting spot, and being willing to meet folks. I have no idea what her rating scale was or if she exchanged her virtual points for anything, but just making it into a game made it easier for her to be bothered to keep trying.

Maybe a walk and conversation during the daytime, and Denny's for an evening meet? Or specifying that you're meeting only in the hotel lounge for a snack without booze before leaving?

No****

No****

Posted
To follow-up, yes, it is on the man for expecting sex. He should ask and not assume. But you don’t need to be stern; you simply need to communicate as well. In other words, if you KNOW what a man will think if you arrange to meet at hotel, make it clear upfront that is NOT on the table. If you are seeking an opportunity to exercise your kinks (***/denial/teasing) and you do NOT plan on there being a sexual component to provide release at the end, make it clear upfront. If there will be no kinks for you and no sex for him, Denny’s should be just fine.

Deleted Member

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6 minutes ago, PalmBeachinIt said:

I've met multiple women and immediately engaged in sex, multiple times with multiple partners. And I am usually down to go back for more. But if you're not comfortable doing that then you should make the person aware you have 0 intentions of doing anything sexual when meeting them. You are making things difficult for no reason and placing blame on the other person. And it's not right.

None of my kinks are sexual (and are not recommended to do on the first meeting because they are dangerous). I never even talk about sex because I am not interested in having sex with strangers. I don't lead anyone on. If anything guys promise they are into the same things that I am in. Agree with my terms and conditions. Then they just throw it all out the window because they only wanted sex 🙄

FETMOD-TF

FETMOD-TF

Posted

I have done some housekeeping on this thread and removed several comments.  Name calling is not cool, so lets play nice and stay on topic or your comments will be removed and further warnings given.

To****

To****

Posted
For me, the first meet is almost always social. A pub or a cafe. Somewhere that is public but has enough privacy to talk openly. That way if they don't really match their profile, it's easy to politely part company with no awkwardness.
ey****

ey****

Posted

I don't think there's necessarily a right or wrong answer (unless it's something you or the other person is not happy about)

like the 'ideal' might be somewhere neutral, which is close for both of you to get to but not really giving away where you live - but the reality is that in context it might have to be somewhere closer for you.

But, I'd also say that bars closing at 10pm isn't necessarily the end of the world 

MissTakenDeep

MissTakenDeep

Posted
I always make it clear that first meets are social, casual, during the day and somewhere I feel comfortable. Somewhere simple like a local pub, cafe, coffee shop. I’ve even had first meets on the park close to my home and both brought our dogs 😂.
bi****

bi****

Posted
My most successful dates like this have always been in open public places like a park. Strange, but thinking about it, I think you have more freedom to express yourself and less expectation of sitting across from someone, "in their face" so to speak. Have a gentle walk, chat, look at the sights. Its a lot more relaxed.
Mz****

Mz****

Posted
Pick a munch have him to sign into that munch as going on fetlife and meet him at that munch Don’t go together. Let him meet you there. It’s OK to be cautious because your safety is Paramount. 
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