Is my perception wrong?

[Charms]

A question I was discussing  with my fellow kink freind  the other day was .

 

It's easier to get a kink partner if your a female than male. Witch I think it is. Women on here seem to be able to have it easier.

 

My freind  asked why I thought that.

 

I honestly  don't know why I thought that. Iv always  thought of it as a fact in my head.

 

Am I wrong ?

[AmbivertDarkstar]

It is. I think partly because there is a still a prevalence of male in the scene and the women can have their pick. Also there's still a lot of shitty people using kink as a hide for ***

[Lu****]

Definitely easier for women on this site or any “match” site since the ratio of m to f is always high.
Meaning women get approached more and get to choose more who they reply to.

Supply and demand absolutely favours women and gives them more chance and an “easier time” as you put it.

Luke x

[Wi****]

Just now, AmbivertDarkstar said:

It is. I think partly because there is a still a prevalence of male in the scene and the women can have their pick. Also there's still a lot of shitty people using kink as a hide for ***

I agree.

[pe****]

True of all “dating” sites

[Ca****]

It's easier to find a partner if you are female full stop kinky or vanilla

[Deleted Member]

52 minutes ago, AmbivertDarkstar said:

It is. I think partly because there is a still a prevalence of male in the scene and the women can have their pick. Also there's still a lot of shitty people using kink as a hide for ***

I agree with this statement. Adding to it as well majority of people don’t like to communicate before making a decision so what might be good for them wouldn’t be known if they mess up and pick the wrong person till it’s too late .

[gu****]

I disagree - on technicalities! 🤭

On any kind of dating app it is wayyy easier for a woman to get ANY man then for a man to get a woman (for now just sticking to hetero-couplings)

Why? Because men are socially expected to do the first step. Which tends to end up in spamming - more or less efficient - womans inboxes.

Which makes it way more difficult for woman to sift through the messages to find THE man.
While men have to invest much energy into just getting over the first-contact hurdle.

[Deleted Member]

Women only have it easier because there are more men on sites like this. By easier, I'm only talking about quick meaningless sex. Nothing that  is deep enough for it to count as a kinky relationship. Men seem to want sex and nothing else. They don't even treat women on here as humans (at least that's my experience)

[DickGozinya]

In general it's easier for women because they get every guy spamming their inbox in the hopes they will get lucky. Women get 1,000 suitors to pick through. Men on the other hand don't get the same volume of messages because it's expected for the man to initiate contact. Men have significantly higher competition than women.

[gu****]

3 minutes ago, TheMacabreBrat said:

Women only have it easier because there are more men on sites like this. By easier, I'm only talking about quick meaningless sex. Nothing that  is deep enough for it to count as a kinky relationship. Men seem to want sex and nothing else. They don't even treat women on here as humans (at least that's my experience)

How many times did you reach out to men by yourself? (just a curious question to get more data-points🤭)

[li****]

I can say that I have found it to be easier than anticipated to find a willing casual male partner but also in some ways harder than I expected.
I am however finding it extremely difficult to find a legitimate kink nsa partner. Men seem to throw around dom like its confetti and not even really have any idea how to be one. Let alone finding someone versed in bondage/restraints.

[Am****]

It’s for sure easier for a woman to get some100 percent. Male here wish I was a female so I could have some fun when I wanted it. The woman that struggle to find kinky partners are either extremely picky or just don’t try. As a male im almost done drying sense I normally get shot down/ told no

[ey****]

Generally speaking (and heteronormatively speaking) I don't believe either men or women have it overwhelmingly easier, both with different challenges

and even assorted 'social experiments' to try to prove one way or another are ultimately flawed.

The assumption is often based on numbers - however, only if you cherry pick.  The assumption is that men greatly outnumber women in kink spaces - but if you go to any in-person kink space it quickly becomes obvious this is not the case.

Even online - someone did a datasc*** of Fetlife and even disregarding new and inactive accounts the ratio of men to women was 1.5 men to every woman. Granted, more - but not a whole overwhelming amount more.

The "there are more men" is true, but not gulfs.  

What may be true, but is often more difficult to measure - is that there are more men looking for a partner/Domme/sub/shag/anything-they-can-get than women actively looking, and that women who are actively looking are more likely to accept nobody than someone they're uncertain about, whereas men on paper tend to seemingly accept anything

But interestingly...

There was a thread elsewhere about the success rate of classifieds (virtually none) and there was a woman slid in who said she wouldn't place one herself because of all the timewasters - but - has replied to some for people who seemed interesting; and, ahem no meet ups actually happened.

She was buying into the "it's so hard for men", being flexible with reaching out to people - but then, I dunno - it becomes too much work for the guys to follow through.

 

[li****]

I can see why you would have that perspective. I am sure the majority of women are very picky given the conversations Ive had with men as of late. That is the impression I get as well.
I would like to think I am not super picky, but I do know that my current life situation lends for very limited meeting arrangements
And yet even with me being willing to drive an hr to meet them, I am still striking out. I had one gentleman that I could tell was actually well versed in kink and was taught well how to be a dom.
i spent $ and made plans to drive 4 hrs to see him, which he knew and knew it was a challenge to my budget to do so. Morning of travel - he still ghosted me. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I don’t think that qualifies as picky 😁

[ey****]

Mind, on being "picky"

like, I think men AND women should be picky

because otherwise - a man who is not picky is basically going to women "you'll do!" then wondering why she's not swept off her feet.  

[Am****]

Yes I get finding someone that want the same as you but i also think over picky like to the 9 th degree i find to picky and those people annoy the hell out of me. I’m here to try and have fun not just to tell people I’m not interested or they don’t fit what I may want. I’m also here to explore and learn what I want, it may surprise me what I actually want/ or need

[Deleted Member]

I’d argue femme presenting submissives are in the majority in the real world community. But that could be because many clubs and events cap how many single males can attend. Certainly online, I agree with Lsmart938 that the ratio for f:m is skewed on match sites in the female favour.

[pa****]

Which, not Witch

[ge****]

The answer is no gender has it "easier" than the others - and this kind of thread will always throw out the "but women have more choice because of all the men" tropes - but just because you have more choice doesn't mean the quality of that choice is good.
.
The only difference between the experience of the genders here, is that it's different - not harder, not easier, but different.

[li****]

I totally agree that neither have it “easier” both have it - different. It’s like trying to compare apples and mashed potatoes. They are both food sure but thats where it ends in comparison.
As a bi woman, I personally was extremely surprised to find that I get ZERO responses from single women, and sub par minimal effort from the women that are a couple and seeking a unicorn.
I don’t agree with the clubs being so strict on single males and charging them insanely higher prices. I am for safety but discrimination surely isn’t the solution for that?
It’s def an interesting conversation to noodle over.

[ey****]

Gendered pricing is something that is horrifically outdated and counter productive

I feel they hurt everyone - not just single men : because it'll usually be like "couples £20, single men £80, single women... ummm... the gum from your shoe will do" which in turn makes single women the product which is horrific.  

 

[to****]

Hands down, it is easier for women than men. I would venture to guess that the male to female ratio is of little consequence. Rather, it is the social norm and expectation for the male to do literally everything - initiate contact, ask to go out on the date, to pay for everything, the list goes on and on. This is why you have males shooting many messages to every match that they are fortunate enough to get. Meanwhile, females have the luxury of kicking back and choosing.

No amount of mental gymnastics and hoop jumping can get around these simple facts.

[ge****]

Gendered pricing is an interesting one - and one that is more prevalent on the swinging scene than the kink one - having attended numerous kink events in the past year, I think the pricing has been the same everywhere regardless of gender.
.
Contrast that with the swinging scene, and even at the self same clubs I have attended for kink events, and the pricing is invariably gendered - now I do think there is a need for it to keep the wanking dead at bay but do I think it's fair? Mostly not, but I'm not sure what the answer is to limit an over abundance of single men hoping for easy sex, whilst maintaining a fun and friendly atmosphere for everyone.

[ge****]

9 minutes ago, ace2587 said:

Hands down, it is easier for women than men. I would venture to guess that the male to female ratio is of little consequence. Rather, it is the social norm and expectation for the male to do literally everything - initiate contact, ask to go out on the date, to pay for everything, the list goes on and on. This is why you have males shooting many messages to every match that they are fortunate enough to get. Meanwhile, females have the luxury of kicking back and choosing.

No amount of mental gymnastics and hoop jumping can get around these simple facts.

Yeah, now put yourself in the shoes of those ladies who have a mountain of (mostly inappropriate) messages to sift through in the hope of exercising that "choice" - who daily have to put up with vile and abusive messages, who even if they do find someone they think has potential based on their profile and messages and then decide to meet will always have that *** at the back of their mind that they don't truly know the person and they may turn out to not be quite so charming in person as they are on-line and all of a sudden it doesn't seem they have it quite so easy after all, mental gymnastics or not.