Where to start

[Deleted Member]

I've just come out of a long term marriage, soulless and sexless. Before that I was starting to explore my kinks and my sexuality. That was a long time ago now, but I have to start somewhere. Any advice from anyone? It's been so long I don't know what I do and don't like anymore.

[In****]

Id say read profiles. If they sound like youd match. Talk. Dont rush stuff. A lot of people say about munches. But im socially awkward and when I tried epically failed at socialising haha.

[TheBookCollector]

I suggest finding your local munch, which should be simple using fetlife.

Start a list of areas youre interested in, eg impact play, rigging, wax play.

Go to munches and ask questions abkut those areas.

Read articles on line, buy books about the subject.

[Deleted Member]

Start where you feel safe, that is the most important thing to focus on. I started by going to a workshop which had a controlled environment with an expert instructor supervising others that were vetted and eager to learn similar kinks. The kink community I encountered was very welcoming.

[ey****]

Basically. Take your time.   It's not uncommon that (particularly) guys will come out of a marriage or long term relationship and be "OK, right! Let's explore kink!" and it often feels like a rebound and sometimes comes across that they think women will be easy. They're not.

So take some time to do some research - consider partaking in a local kink community, via munches/events/etc - but remember no one owes you exploration.   This is sometimes where pros come in, because yeah - seek one out and they will explore with you for a fee - at least then you know what works/doesn't without someone feeling like a rebound experiment. 

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Basically. Take your time.   It's not uncommon that (particularly) guys will come out of a marriage or long term relationship and be "OK, right! Let's explore kink!" and it often feels like a rebound and sometimes comes across that they think women will be easy. They're not.

So take some time to do some research - consider partaking in a local kink community, via munches/events/etc - but remember no one owes you exploration.   This is sometimes where pros come in, because yeah - seek one out and they will explore with you for a fee - at least then you know what works/doesn't without someone feeling like a rebound experiment. 

Thanks for the sound advice. I did explore this side of myself prior to getting married, so want to continue with that. It's just a case of getting back on the horse (excuse the turn of phrase)

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, TheBookCollector said:

I suggest finding your local munch, which should be simple using fetlife.

Start a list of areas youre interested in, eg impact play, rigging, wax play.

Go to munches and ask questions abkut those areas.

Read articles on line, buy books about the subject.

When you say munch is that the events section on here or on a separate website? Where is best to explore and research that area

[TheBookCollector]

18 minutes ago, garageflower said:

When you say munch is that the events section on here or on a separate website? Where is best to explore and research that area

A seperate site called Fetlife, its like here but not really geared to meeting individuals.

[Deleted Member]

Just now, TheBookCollector said:

A seperate site called Fetlife, its like here but not really geared to meeting individuals.

Cool thanks, think I was on there last time I looked into this.

[TheBookCollector]

I think theres a st neots munch, i know theres one in bedford, northampton has a couple as does cambridge.