When a kinky connection turns into friendship – what then?

[su****]

So, after a year of being on these sites, finally met a dom girl in person who lives in other city. We meet ocassionally and at first we talked a little about bdsm, but we found a lot of interesting mutual topics which we talk about and share beautiful moments together. I'm afraid we slipped in friendship and forgot about the way we met. Has similar situation ever happened to you? What did you do?

[br****]

It doesn’t have to be either or. Bring it uk again under the guise of role play. She probably feels the same.

[Firepit]

I'd simply ask the question you want to ask. No use fretting or worrying. If you want to see about exploring that side again, (am assuming it's taken a pause) then just bring it up again. And whatever the result, continue enjoying a new friend. No need to complicate it.

[no****]

Just talk to her. Ask if she'd want to try things together. Only way you can have a chance of being more than friends is communication.

[lb****]

I would bring the topic back up. Don’t allow the connection to be comfortable.

[Ma****]

In my opinion it’s why you have as close to normal conversations and interactions outside of the dynamic if you are not together but have clearly defined rules for sessions, the expectations for those sessions and they are scheduled in advance so there isn’t any confusion as to what is happening and why.

[mo****]

Yes that has happened to me and to this day we are still friends.

[Di****]

Must make a choice to be honest and go with the flow or find a new girl

[Ge****]

Not gonna lie. Just 💯 come out and ask her. Don't be rude, just be inquiring. She won't know what to do at first. Tell her that you have a great time in the relationship now the way it is now. And you are asking to go farther with her. A female dom MUST MUST MUST have absolute trust and faith in her sub. My guess is she is still testing you. Don't break her trust or she will be done with you.

[Ar****]

Yes, one of my best friends and I met on a questionable online site and she fast became my online/LD sub. She was an amazing sub and we had a great thriving connection together but after a few months I put a stop to that as I could see that we were caring for one another more and more as time went on and I didn't want a situation to arise where - even if it took another year or longer - one of us eventually found an in-person relationship and left the other feeling hurt/discarded.

Thankfully she saw the logic of this too and still wanted to remain friends. After years we eventually met in person (it's only a couple of years ago that we stopped messaging each other every day); she's stayed over at mine, helped me pack my house up when I was moving, we've even been camping together 😊 We might not be as close as we used to be but know we'd 100% be there for each other if one of us needed support.

[ey****]

like - it might not be that the kink/play side of things is over

but, having a new/good friend isn't a poor consolation prize 

[Ar****]

OP, I've just re-read your post and think I skimmed it too quickly first time around as I've spotted some things you've written which I think have a huge bearing on the discussion. 

 

It honestly reads to me as though you never had "a kinky connection" in the first place. On this site alone for example I've spoken with more people than I could count (some of whom I've met) that there has never been anything more than friendship with - talking about BDSM and kinks does not equal a kinky connection, it's something you can even do with a vanilla person you are not involved with.

 

Without being disparaging or judgemental here (I'm working off the information presented), are you confident that the wish for more was not one-sided? Did she indicate that she would like more from you?

[Sq****]

... enjoy having a good friend? I have many in kink, I pursued none of them. I have exactly what I wanted because I waited for specifically that then applied myself.

[Deleted Member]

Uh... You made a friend. Congrats. You happen to have kink as a common interest, it doesn't mean it needs to be acted upon.

[cl****]

The majority of the friends I met in kink spaced off and online have never turned into bfsm activities. We meet each other as people with agency, not entitlement

[70****]

We'll be glad you made a friend at least lol everyone I've chatted with or exchanged socials don't communicate long. My account is weird but to the point but if I'm not into someone sexually I ask what their intentions are and go from there. If y'all communicate well it should be a easy topic to just ask in a respectful and friendly way. And if there's no connection in the way you are hoping for then you guys help wingman for each other lol
Good luck 🤞 for you friend.

[su****]

Yesterday at 05:27 PM, Gen_X_Dad said:

Not gonna lie. Just 💯 come out and ask her. Don't be rude, just be inquiring. She won't know what to do at first. Tell her that you have a great time in the relationship now the way it is now. And you are asking to go farther with her. A female dom MUST MUST MUST have absolute trust and faith in her sub. My guess is she is still testing you. Don't break her trust or she will be done with you.

That's what I'm afraid of. I believe we are building something, but don't want to rush and break dynamics too soon. Somehow looking for the right moment to ask and don't know how to recognize it, sadly.

[su****]

23 hours ago, Aranhis said:

OP, I've just re-read your post and think I skimmed it too quickly first time around as I've spotted some things you've written which I think have a huge bearing on the discussion. 

 

It honestly reads to me as though you never had "a kinky connection" in the first place. On this site alone for example I've spoken with more people than I could count (some of whom I've met) that there has never been anything more than friendship with - talking about BDSM and kinks does not equal a kinky connection, it's something you can even do with a vanilla person you are not involved with.

 

Without being disparaging or judgemental here (I'm working off the information presented), are you confident that the wish for more was not one-sided? Did she indicate that she would like more from you?

Yes. Never had that experience. We've never discussed it. Just met on such site.

[ko****]

Best not dwell on the past!

[su****]

Conclusion: We are just regular friends.

[JackJonesHull]

This would be pretty much how almost every relationship works out for me.
I think I enjoy conversation far too much and, despite my obvious social inadequacies, I'm very much a social ***.
One day I will find that beautiful middle ground where I get both in equal measure and it lasts.

[Do****]

Got lot of life experiences

[Ga****]

I personally like becoming friends with people. Takes me ages to get safe and comfortable, and ideally, it then moves to sex either as a couple or as FWB, wich i think is nice.
I need the emotional investment, and the safe feeling

[su****]

11 hours ago, Gatadata said:

I personally like becoming friends with people. Takes me ages to get safe and comfortable, and ideally, it then moves to sex either as a couple or as FWB, wich i think is nice.
I need the emotional investment, and the safe feeling

Likewise 😊 I thought it's the best way

[Go****]

Let it flow man.

If you get in well as friends there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact friendships are among life’s most valuable relationships.

I think the single greatest lesson in life I’ve learned is to let relationships develop naturally and take on a life of their own organically.

Just ask your friend how she feels about it and share your own feelings with her, that’s what friends are for and you’ll figure it out.

There’s no shortage of potential lovers out there in the world.