My Workshops Have Always Emphasised The Idea Of Connection - and... There's Times Not to Connect

[RaymondWise]

 

This is an excerpt from my class notes for the flogging workshop. In the late 90's I tried to get people to come to my Connections - Putting
Emotions Into Play and would get few takers. I snuck it into a Flogging workshop and started to get traction.

I felt a lot of people, especially back then, would just start hitting their partner and should do more before they got to that. I think this is an idea that is fairly well accepted these days. (And I wasn't the only one espousing this).

But, there is also THIS idea:

When NOT to Connect

...sometimes, especially in a sadistic scene, the bottom may actually prefer not connecting.
If you learn to do a good job connecting, and then the sado masochistic scenes aren’t working well, try not connecting for those scenes. Ultimately, it’s your job to pay attention to what happens, and if it’s not working, try something else.

In the example I gave in class, Michelle loved hard sado/masochistic scenes, but she wouldn’t take as much with me as with others.

She could take a beating from others, heavy bruising, with canes, lots of welts, but with me, she’s end the scene early. I felt like she was playing a game. What was going on? Was she playing some game? It strained our relationship.

So I tried not connecting.

I had a difficult day at work. Before I came home from work, I instructed Angel to inform Michelle that she was going to prepare Michelle for me, making the start of the scene impersonal. Kim strapped her face down, feet on the floor firmly to the padded table.

Angel then lounged on a rug on the floor eating g***s, indifferent. She was great because she didn’t react at all to what happened next .
After a wait, I came in, imagining whatever connection I had to Michelle was scrunched up into a tight ball and whisked away from her. I imagined a cold wall of energy between us.

As I used an underhand contact of the flogger to Michelle’s ass, I said, “Let me tell you about my day.”

There was a warm up but it was stiffer and quicker.

And finally I was able to beat the snot out of her. Everyone was happy.

Now, probably as I choose partners they tend to have some similar characteristics and reactions. Most of my partners need me not to connect if it’s Sado/Masochistic. Most of them benefit from connecting when I’m going for nice spacey scenes and love and orgasms.

It’s your job to try things out, pay attention to what happens, and adjust.
I’m giving you my experiences, and there’s something to learn from that. But Your Mileage May Vary.

Everyone has their own preferences. Pay attention, and then if needed, try something different.

Flogging Basics and More © 2013 – all rights reserved Raymond Wise.

 

[Deviant_Ric]

Really insightful observations and something I can certainly relate to. When playing with very close friends we swap with, we have always found the slight shift in connection and dynamic permits a different degree of enjoyment, often much harder; the care and connection is still there, but it is easier to disconnect when much harsher play is desired.
Thank you for this 🙏🏻

[Deleted Member]

I really appreciate you writing this post and perspective. It’s so so true, I’ve experienced this with my master; when the connection is deep and in close proximity to a darker sadomasochistic play session I’ve found my *** threshold has been skewed my my emotional threshold. I think you are so right... absences makes the mind grown stronger. X

[RaymondWise]

@Nastycuntspanker  and @Miss_Sub_X  Thank you for your responses. And I think the thing to remember, is each individual will have differing responses. And also, might have differing responses at different time.

 

I do have masochist play partners who LOVE a strong connection and welt raising intense, sadistic play.

 

Also, some who can take a lot of *** might not be able to on a particular day. It varies. Pay attention. And make sure you foster their ability to communicate on the fly.

 

I have had relationships where they wanted to endure and so, even when it was too ***ful, they wanted to endure. That's something they made clear and insisted on, and that I'd follow up on.  Some are shocked by that, but it is what they want.  (Not for beginners! and often not EVER for many!)

[Mi****]

This is very interesting I've noticed for me I need a strong connection for being slapped around. Otherwise I feel off.

[Soulful_Kinkster]

Great topic. It’s been my experience that everyone has a different need and response to sadomasochistic play. I have partners who have enjoyed and needed connection before the hard play. They have mentioned that the connection, emotional as well as physical helps them to take on more. The emotional connection helps them to endure more as they develop the desire to please. To be honest, to me it is more gratifying to have connection when having very intense, sadistic play.

And yes I have had partners who did not like the connection as they did not that connection or bonding as they just wanted to be flogged or experience ***. This has worked for during the play, but I always make sure the lines of communication are open. It’s important to communicate often during the play to ensure the safety of the partner.

But in nutshell, I enjoy connection as it gratifies the sadist in me, as I enjoy the emotional connect of how *** pleases my partner while their limits are pushed.