How to explore kink with a recently broken heart.

[ne****]

Okay, so this is kinda the first time putting this together in writing so I apologize if it's not overly coherent.

Recently had my heart broken, (well, depends on your definition of recent) and I'm looking to finally explore my more submissive side but don't have any real idea how to get started, or what my limits are. I'm still a little (maybe more) emotionally raw, but want to turn that into an opportunity rather than just letting it get me down.

What advice does anyone have, either from personal experience, or otherwise, for a mostly dominant switch historically, to find someone to help me find out what this side of me is, and what I should expect?
 

[ey****]

Firstly, sorry to hear you've recently been heartbroken (and definition of recent can depend on the heartbreak.  Some things you 'get over' quicker than others for assorted factors)

I think my first suggestion is to give yourself time to heal.   (This doesn't necessarily mean twiddle your thumbs until you're a-ok, but use this as a time for reading and learning rather than rushing out)

From there.  I see lots of people coming out of relationships and then deciding they want kink in their next relationship.  Absolutely nothing wrong with that, but it's no easier to find prospective partners - in fact, arguably harder.

Exploring submission there are always two options.  

The first option is to see a Pro-Domme.  If you're in London there are genuinely more than you can shake a stick at and whatever your interests are in exploring there is someone who can help.  This is obviously transactional and you are then of course paying for someone's time who can use this time to help answer questions you have on your likes, dislikes, where your limits are or aren't, which can give you a better idea in what you are looking for.  

The downside is this can get expensive especially at London prices (a friend of mine who is a Pro in the Midlands has said she has a few London subs because it's cheaper for them to travel up and pay her, than to pay someone locally.  But, the person in question I think gives herself a disservice in saying that cos she's also cool as fuck)

The other options is in building connections.  I think how I would do it if I was new and knowing what I know is a mixture of online (so being active on sites like this, interacting with others and building passive connections) and via real life events, particularly things like munches, and also workshops.

One thing is so many Dominant women have had new subs coming to them saying "I want to explore, please teach me" and then quickly find that kink isn't quite as they imagined or isn't for them after all - and it's something that means someone else has emotionally invested in you and given time and not work out - but obviously if you are trying via a Pro then they're at least compensated for your time or if you're otherwise building connections then different relationships can form and it may well be that instead of helping a stranger, someone wants to play with a friend.   The thing of course, building connections takes time.  

Some people get a little lucky, most don't.  Patience is key. 

[MsDrawers]

Hey, I think the first thing to do is be honest with yourself about your feelings and try to separate any residual *** from your desire to explore kink. You have some baggage, we all do, but that shouldn't be an impetus to get in to kink. Nor is it fair to bring that in to relationships so take a breath and think about your next steps.

As far as learning about kink; read, breathe, read some more. If you want to start getting involved in the community, munches are a great way to go and are primarily social and usually vanilla (local, kink, get togethers). These are a good way of starting to learn about the subculture, events and fellow kinksters. But in terms of getting started, you already are, by talking on here. So go you!

[Ba****]

Give yourself some time, you will be itching to fulfil desires that have been pent up and ready to throw yourself into a relationship. Try and resist that and work on making friends, go to munches and learning about yourself etc and in time im sure things will start to fall into place. Dont be in any rush to find a match straight away take your time fund the right one not the first one

[Deleted Member]

Honestly first thing im going to say may be counterintuitive but pump the breaks what you are wanting to explore, to give into has so many layers and so much trust make certain whatever baggage you have from the last relationship or you will not manage to give yourself over

[ge****]

As others have said sorry to hear of your broken heart - and the advice others have given so far is spot on, give yourself time to heal, use that time to learn and get involved and get to know people before you start making emotional ties again.
.
Beyond that a couple of thoughts about uncovering your submissive side:
.
Firstly give some thought to what kind of submissive you think you may be - that may sound odd, but there are as many flavours of submissive as there are individuals - some may be into ***, for some it's about servitude, for others it's *** or *** and many more things and combinations of them all besides. So give some thought as to what your own niche is. Many dominants (professional or otherwise) will expect you to at least have an idea from the start.
.
Tieing into that you've mentioned not being sure what your limits are - again give that some thought, there is no right or wrong answer (within the realms of safe, sane and consensual) only your answer - really think about what you'd like to experience.
.
To help with both of the above points seek out some on-line BDSM questionnaires, the kind that list various elements of BDSM and have you rank each one in terms of interest. Fill one in openly and honestly, and it will help guide not only your limits but your interests too.
.
You've mentioned you were primarily a dominant switch before, so maybe use that to draw on what you think you may like - what did you enjoy doing to others in that role that you think you might like yourself kind of thing.
.
The only other thing to consider is that there is no "quick fix" or "easy access" to a dominant, don't necssarily dive in at the first one that shows interest, especially not on-line (there are many scammers about who will take advantage) - be sure the person you are interacting with is not only who they say they are, but a good match for you and what you're looking for. Almost "feel" submissive to the person to "be" submissive to them.

[se****]

11 hours ago, gemini_man said:

As others have said sorry to hear of your broken heart - and the advice others have given so far is spot on, give yourself time to heal, use that time to learn and get involved and get to know people before you start making emotional ties again.
.
Beyond that a couple of thoughts about uncovering your submissive side:
.
Firstly give some thought to what kind of submissive you think you may be - that may sound odd, but there are as many flavours of submissive as there are individuals - some may be into ***, for some it's about servitude, for others it's *** or *** and many more things and combinations of them all besides. So give some thought as to what your own niche is. Many dominants (professional or otherwise) will expect you to at least have an idea from the start.
.
Tieing into that you've mentioned not being sure what your limits are - again give that some thought, there is no right or wrong answer (within the realms of safe, sane and consensual) only your answer - really think about what you'd like to experience.
.
To help with both of the above points seek out some on-line BDSM questionnaires, the kind that list various elements of BDSM and have you rank each one in terms of interest. Fill one in openly and honestly, and it will help guide not only your limits but your interests too.
.
You've mentioned you were primarily a dominant switch before, so maybe use that to draw on what you think you may like - what did you enjoy doing to others in that role that you think you might like yourself kind of thing.
.
The only other thing to consider is that there is no "quick fix" or "easy access" to a dominant, don't necssarily dive in at the first one that shows interest, especially not on-line (there are many scammers about who will take advantage) - be sure the person you are interacting with is not only who they say they are, but a good match for you and what you're looking for. Almost "feel" submissive to the person to "be" submissive to them.

Emotionally raw... this is a good direction.❤