BDSM Clubs/Nightclubs/Dungeons

[Dark_Norse_Heart666]

I'm a submissive, masochist, I have had a few Dd/lg dynamics/relationships but unfortunately it was abusive in various ways

(now i'm not sure if they are a genuine Dom and if they have experience)

I've never been to any munches, or any BDSM clubs, dungeons or nightclubs that are related to BDSM so i'm genuinely curious what happens at these specific places.

I live somewhat near to the London area but I don't go there much. 

If you have experience going to these types of places, then feel free to reply to my post in the forum. 

[Aa****]

Abusive is a non-starter, whatever happens it must be mutual and with respect. The gift of submission is not a licence to be an a***!

[ri****]

I'd would visit with you if only I were there ...damn pond!! Lol

[DeviantInside]

Ok I’ve only been going to munches for the last year but previously I was on the London scene for 15 years or so, going to various clubs, parties, after parties etc.

So let’s start with munches. They’re generally held in a vanilla setting for people to meet fellow kinksters as a safe socialising event and place to meet, you do get some that close off the venue for meets, but these are rarer. As to the individual munches most are run by a lead of some description and many offer a pre meet up to people who are shy or worried about things. There are various places you can find munches, E.g. fetlife, findamunch. As with any social group settings the people will vary, some are more cliquey, others very open and welcoming. Plus ages ranges and numbers of people can be very variable too. I have so far enjoyed all I have been to, but have equally heard different experiences, even about ones I attended. In addition there are workshops (from rope, to hypnosis, to mental health in play, to safety etc), these again vary in terms of whether it’s a talk, discussion group or somewhere to go and practice, and as such the venues will be different.

Now as for clubs: again these vary. Whilst most of the clubs I used to go to and loved have sadly disappeared for various reasons, there are still clubs out there. All that I’ve heard from the London scene is that it has changed significantly since I used to go (obviously it just fell apart without me…), so my knowledge of the club scene there is rather more limited these days. But most clubs have some combination of dance floor, play area, chill out area, bar, couples room etc. some clubs are more play oriented and some more like a nightclub with some bondage furniture. Anyone is allowed to play (as long as safe and consentual… there will be at least one dungeon monitor), but there’s also no requirement. The clubs I always enjoyed most were the smaller venues where I could chat and socialise more than anything else (which isn’t to say I never played, just that it wasn’t necessarily a driving factor for me). Most clubs will also have rules about dress code (and conduct too obviously). Some munches also run group trips to some clubs so you can experience it with a safety net. It is also worth noting that I have heard at least one club is very… elitist about who they let in the door… if you don’t meet the aesthetic you won’t get in. Others I didn’t enjoy because they were too overcrowded etc.

As for dungeons… depends what you mean. There are various dungeons for hire (have used 2 in London personally), that have all sorts of bondage furniture, toys and equipment for you to use. Some even combine with a b&b option. You pay your *** and you’re left alone to your devices, by and large, all be it having agreed to the various safety debriefings etc. though if you meant something else let me know.

Hope that helps.

[Deleted Member]

Munches are a good place to start. Usually, likeminded, kinky people in a fairly vanilla setting, just chatting.

[ma****]

Munches are vanilla gatherings of people. So people just socialise. There is no play involved. Also, people don't have to chat about their kinks if they don't want to. At the first munch I went, I chatted with two people and it was so much easier due to having something in common: Mathematics. So people can discuss things they are passionate about, just getting to know someone...possibly making friends.

At BDSM clubs, I've heard that there could be workshops, markets, plays, areas for socialising. If you go to clubs, please remember that you don't have to play. If someone touches you without your consent, you should report them.

Also, do not rush into D/s dynamics. Many confuse D/s with T/b (Topping/bottoming). Learn about vetting (if you really want a D/s, vetting should not be sexual and, if someone talks about sex or things that they'd like to do to you, them those are red flags), what you need and want (do you need a romantic or non-romantic D/s dynamic?; are you or they monogamous or polyamorous?; can they provide references?; what kind of dynamic do they want: do they want to live together - if yes, what would the steps be taken for it to happen?; Do they have a high sex drive?; how about you?; Do they vet other subs?; do they want getting married? How about kids? Do they drink, smoke or take ***? etc - you must discussed so many things before jumping into a D/s dynamic; you must be compatible with the person you choose to submit to; in the end, you put your life into their hands (if they don't see it as you putting your life into their hands, then run - they are just in some kink and not into leading, protecting etc).

[ey****]

I have experience, but am not entirely sure what the question is

[Deleted Member]

That is unfortunate. A real dom does not ***. It is these people that really screw people up. These people are not Doms in the true sense. They are ego driven self absorbed a**holes in my opinion.

[Dark_Norse_Heart666]

I have a sexual/consensual Dd/lg relationship/dynamic with my long-distance boyfriend. 

I prefer having a monogamous, long-term relationship. 

Don't really know my way around London, plus I don't really have friends I could go to London with to go to a BDSM club in London. 

I met some of my abusive exes here, the relationships were abusive in various ways, it was long-distance, mostly online relationships.

I was curious about the dress code or aesthetic you need to have to go to particular BDSM clubs. 

I'm shy so i've never been to a much and there isn't much of a BDSM scene where I live, plus I don't drive.

Edited November 12, 2022 by Dark_Heart666

[ey****]

34 minutes ago, Dark_Heart666 said:

I was curious about the dress code or aesthetic you need to have to go to particular BDSM clubs. 

 

Munches  - the dress code is casual/vanilla

events - it depends on the event.  Some have no dress code.  Some are very strict.   You'd have to read the events rules for a guide.  Like, obviously latex is a must at the rubber ball - and *** Garden is 'Dress to Impress' - but others are a tad more varied or relaxed.  

[Dark_Norse_Heart666]

Thanks, I appreciate your help.