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Casual Use of Pet Names & Terms of Endearment


4R****

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Posted

It seems to be becoming more common for the casual use of Pet-Names towards people. I'm not talking about a D-type using a pet-name towards their s-type which is obviously perfectly fine. What I'm talking about is someone using a pet-name towards someone with whom they have no relationship/dynamic/agreement/involvement or whatever you want to call it.

Case in point: On another thread I've seen someone who claims to be an old-school Dominant casually calling another Dominant "honey" (repeatedly) and "sweetie" whilst preaching about a lack of respect shown towards them by a submissive. 

When did this behaviour become ok?

Apart from the fact that it sounded totally condescending, and whilst in the vanilla world this may be completely natural, within this lifestyle using a pet-name towards someone with who'm you are not involved, could be seen as completely disrespecting that person, those that are involved with them or the dynamic itself. 


To emphasise this:

D-Types - how would you feel if someone called your s-type "babygirl" or "slave"?
S-Types - how would you feel if someone called your D-Type "Sir" or "Master"?

Discuss...........

 

Posted (edited)

A lot of 'pet names' are part of people's colloquial language, Pet itself is a name Geordies use, Hun is another name used, Bab is one from by me in Birmingham, a lot of people use the term Love, its what people grow up with, terms that are part of everyday language, especially amongst the older generations, what is called terms of endearment & are completely different to someone calling your sub Babygirl or Slave. 

I'm on the Autistic Spectrum & have real problems with remembering names & I use babe/bab depending on a females age & use mate for males, simply because I struggle with names, forget them or get them mixed up & it saves embarrassment or even disgruntling people by getting their names wrong. 

Edited by Deleted Member
Addition
Posted
Many moons ago I worked in a bar - I called everyone hunni, darling, lovely etc especially the regulars. I’m terrible with names (not an excuse simply a truth) and this was a friendly way of speaking with them.

I still often use terms of endearment towards people. For me it’s a “niceness” thing, I’m not using it in any other way and if someone told me they were offended by it I’d stop.

However, I do agree that there are some terms which are/should be exclusive to a D/s setting/relationship and not applied across the board. For example I hate when someone messages saying “hello sub”. Yes, I am sexually submissive but I am not simply a SUB and I am most definitely not submitting to you.

And now that I’ve typed all that I can see why perhaps I shouldn’t call people hunni/lovely etc (although I do this with people in all different areas of my life).

I do also (controversial) think often women use pet names/terms of endearment in a different way to men and more often than men. That’s just my experience though.

Another point - it’s a very common thing up here in geordie land.

Hope that makes sense (the urge to put hunni at the end is very strong 🤣)
Posted
I think it's important to distinguish a difference between pet names being used naturally and instinctively and them being used almost as an over familiarity thing.
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People have been using terms like "love", "honey", "pet" etc as a natural reference to someone they don't know for centuries - I certainly know I've had them used towards me many a time over my almost six decades of existence - for example in a shop in the context of "Here's your change love" or similar. Personally I've never paid that kind of exchange a great deal of heed, and am neither impressed nor unimpressed by it, it's just that person's natural way of speaking - that said it's for the most part an older generation thing these days, so is arguably on the decline.
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You then have the over familiarity angles, and I think this is more of an on-line thing, and particularly on sites like this where it's more concerning, because it does suggest someone is making assumptions and being over familiar when it's not necessary to do so, and I can understand why people may take offence.
.
I think it's also interesting to note that there is possibly a gender difference when it comes to how use of pet names are seen - for women having them used to refer to them by men, it can be quite threatening, whereas most men probably wouldn't think twice about being referred to in a similar way. Though there are some men who would see it as a come on.
.
An interesting topic @4RCH and one that gets you thinking
Posted
TBH it depends on the person and the situation. Personally I think a good middle ground for male Doms, and something I enjoy quite a bit, is being called 'Mister' because it's not presumptuous but still manages to be a respectful nod to our position without being a formal honorific or anything like that.
Posted
5 minutes ago, StrictMaster44 said:
It's showing being raised up right, and with manners. It shows that person has good manners and isn't rude.

Not sure how the use of pet names correlates to having good Manners?

Posted
I don't know if this behavior has suddenly "become" okay. It's not particularly uncommon where I live for people to use certain pet-names with people they don't know. Not everybody appreciates it (I don't), and I think it's slowly going out of style, but as far as I can tell, it's a local cultural thing that has probably existed for over a hundred years. I suspect the world has a number of pockets where people commonly use various pet-names and it's not a big deal to them, because that's just how everybody talks.

I don't know if the example is an actual example though. They're not calling them honey or sweetie as a pet-name, they're doing it to be deliberately condescending, which ironically makes it seem better to me than the alternative. Somehow, I personally have much less problem with someone being a dick to me than someone being overly familiar and affectionate.
Posted
as an stype, if someone else called my dtype “Sir” or “Master”, my reaction would depend on the context. if it was a friendly chat and was obviously meant as a sign of respect, that’s fine. but even then, it does feel a little weird. if there was some flirting going on, that would be a hell no- don’t even go there. i’ve legit had to mind my words because “Sir” wants to come out naturally. it’s also because there’s an attachment to a particular person and it doesn’t feel right to mix names. the line gets a little blurry so i do try to keep some words from slipping out. just in case.
Posted (edited)

Names are special for me, and how I grew up. I don't feel comfortable, and won't use names unless I got to know them. But few times I did, like "Handsome, Mr. Sweet"... not so close like honey, dear, darling,etc. Wait... I did call a person Bubbles, but I hope they knew why, and it was a compliment. You got me thinking as well.

Edited by kiseu
Misunderstanding
Posted

Mmmm, yes there's a lot to consider here.

I worked in the leisure industry for much of my adult life. Front of house, when customers don't know your name they'd often call you "love" or similar as a way of letting you know they had a positive disposition to you and the service you provided. I do think it's important to distinguish between sincere terms intended inoffensively and when lechy folks use them in a creepy way though, and will put that out there before going any further.

When I specifically worked in gay Blackpool, even outside of that customer/service provider dynamic and would socialise in a club setting after work or see colleagues and other familiar faces from the scene during the daytimes, you couldn't NOT end a sentence with an affectation such as been described here already. It didn't mean you were hitting on them, had any designs on them, even gave two hoots about them, it was simply how the scene spoke - if you didn't add a love/sweetie or such to the end of sentences, that's what could be construed as more offensive. You might be judged for being stuck-up, or people might interpret that as you having a problem with them. That's just the way the culture was, and it was the same two-way understanding and respect between us all whether young teen clubber, notorious drag queen, aged old guard, lesbian doorman, bar staff, everybody.

I suspect that these terms of familiarity might be more commonly used in such a sense in the north (in the UK anyway). "Hon" is a term a great many of my female friends and I use with one another (and to be fair some of my male ones too 😆). Quite a lot of us will bump into each other when out and about and our instant reaction is to throw our arms around each other and ask "Y'alright darlin'?"... whether it's them to me or me to them neither of us actually takes that to mean we are calling one another our "one twue" darlings.

I wonder, whether between established friends or not, how different a "sweetie" or a "hon" is to a "mate" or a "bud"? 🤔 Do people get as upset about a stranger calling them mate? Not half as often, I wager.

And I think this is where the fact that when all we can see is text when communicating on a thread/chat group/whatever can cause issues. We miss out on vocal pitch, intonation, inflection, body language, facial expression etc and the context of how a word is used is easily lost.

In this community in particular I take care when typing not to use such terms with people I'm not familiar with because I'm aware of the issues surrounding honorifics and how easily problems can arise, yet I do still sometimes catch myself typing such a term to a virtual stranger purely out of support or empathy. So I rephrase and hope I don't instead sound to emotionally detached instead. At the same time though, I feel that sometimes we could all do to maybe just ease up and give the benefit of the doubt once in a while - it is possible to recognise that it is a natural way of speaking for some people and not instantly jump down their throats for it at the same time as being mindful of unsavoury/creepy types who would abuse that, just the same as it is possible for people who do accidentally cause offence by using such terms to hold their hand up/apologise/stop when it is pointed out to them. We are all only human, making mistakes is what we do and so long as we still take ownership and learn we could all do to cut ourselves a bit more slack than we often do.

Of course, when we start talking about the other terms mentioned (babygirl, slave, Sir, Master and the like) then I don't think there can be any excuses made. These are not naturally occurring terms for others in any dialect of the language; casual use of them is not okay.

Posted
I really dislike the use of both pet names outside of a relationship in D/s terms as well as general use in day to day situations, I always have and I cringe when I hear others use them.
With that said, I do think that there needs to be context and often their use relates to culture or various societal norms dependent upon location.
I also think that it's about the intent behind their use. I think I've seen the comments which you're referring to and I would agree, the tone is a little...off but, we do all read the written word through our own lens and maybe sometimes, we interpret things differently to how others intended them to be read
Posted
6 hours ago, FatefulDestiny said:
Many moons ago I worked in a bar - I called everyone hunni, darling, lovely etc especially the regulars. I’m terrible with names (not an excuse simply a truth) and this was a friendly way of speaking with them.

I still often use terms of endearment towards people. For me it’s a “niceness” thing, I’m not using it in any other way and if someone told me they were offended by it I’d stop.

However, I do agree that there are some terms which are/should be exclusive to a D/s setting/relationship and not applied across the board. For example I hate when someone messages saying “hello sub”. Yes, I am sexually submissive but I am not simply a SUB and I am most definitely not submitting to you.

And now that I’ve typed all that I can see why perhaps I shouldn’t call people hunni/lovely etc (although I do this with people in all different areas of my life).

I do also (controversial) think often women use pet names/terms of endearment in a different way to men and more often than men. That’s just my experience though.

Another point - it’s a very common thing up here in geordie land.

Hope that makes sense (the urge to put hunni at the end is very strong 🤣)

I would have loved it if the Hunni had slipped out at the end 😂😂😂

Posted
6 hours ago, gemini_man said:

An interesting topic @4RCH and one that gets you thinking

That's music to my ears ;)

Posted
46 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

I really dislike the use of both pet names outside of a relationship in D/s terms as well as general use in day to day situations, I always have and I cringe when I hear others use them.
With that said, I do think that there needs to be context and often their use relates to culture or various societal norms dependent upon location.
I also think that it's about the intent behind their use. I think I've seen the comments which you're referring to and I would agree, the tone is a little...off but, we do all read the written word through our own lens and maybe sometimes, we interpret things differently to how others intended them to be read

Well sugar you really should have told me this sooner. I’m so sorry hunni, I didn’t mean to offend you. You know you’re still my favourite, right lovely?? 
 

🤣🤣

Posted
39 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

I would have loved it if the Hunni had slipped out at the end 😂😂😂

Not sure I could handle the backlash 🤣🤪

Posted
13 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Oh, scared of 4RCH but less so of me, got it sweetie 😂

You’re soft and sweet and cute. He’s a MAN 😱 and I’m just a sub

Posted
31 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Oh, scared of 4RCH but less so of me, got it sweetie 😂

Could be a lesson for you in there somewhere CK ;)

 

19 minutes ago, FatefulDestiny said:

He’s a MAN 😱 and I’m just a sub

LOL My sub just read this and burst out laughing............. Time for her and I to have a conversation I think! Where's My damn paddle??? 

Posted
17 minutes ago, 4RCH said:

LOL My sub just read this and burst out laughing............. Time for her and I to have a conversation I think! Where's My damn paddle??? 

Yeah, i've gotta be a man apparently. Funnily enough someone msg'd me recently telling me I looked manish so I'm half way there it seems 😂

Posted
1 minute ago, CopperKnob said:

Yeah, i've gotta be a man apparently. Funnily enough someone msg'd me recently telling me I looked manish so I'm half way there it seems 😂

Your all woman (strong woman), and don't ever change. Keep doing your callings.🤗💖💖

Posted (edited)
23 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Yeah, i've gotta be a man apparently. Funnily enough someone msg'd me recently telling me I looked manish so I'm half way there it seems 😂

Does that mean we should start calling you "Bratman"?? 😂

Edited by 4RCH
Posted
21 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Yeah, i've gotta be a man apparently. Funnily enough someone msg'd me recently telling me I looked manish so I'm half way there it seems 😂

Hey the guy who got jealous thought you were a man too, you’re doing well 😝

Posted
2 minutes ago, 4RCH said:

Does that mean we we should start calling you "Bratman"?? 😂

I mean, I really always wanted to be Catwoman or Poison Ivy...

Posted
40 minutes ago, 4RCH said:

Could be a lesson for you in there somewhere CK ;)

 

LOL My sub just read this and burst out laughing............. Time for her and I to have a conversation I think! Where's My damn paddle??? 

@4RCH(message for your sub)

 

Run quick. The mean men are scary (hide his paddles) 😂

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