Caught a bad Daddy in lie, suspicion proven!

[PrincessBrat1981]

A very close friend of mine in this lifestyle confided in me that her Daddy may be leading her on. He told her she is his only sub, but her gut feeling was eating at her. He asked her to not go on the platform anymore and she has abided by that. However, the particular site isn’t locked down and those “online” are public even without an acct. She has seen him online when he’s told her he was in meetings. 

So in an effort to protect her and ultimately settle her nerves, I joined the platform. (Not this one)  At this point, she is completely unaware that I’ve done this. It wasn’t in conversation we had nor an idea even  brought up. So it’s not a “trap” she wanted set or anything like that. 

I sent a like to his profile, but did not message him!  
 

Bait set and sure enough, caught within 10 mins.

He messaged me immediately asking my personal stats. As the brat I am, I gave vague answers to see if he’d play along. To which he did.  So then I sent him a laundry list of questions, one being very clear if he had any developing or collared subs, to be honest. 
 

FUCKING BASTARD SAID NO! My friend and him have been in a dynamic since very early summer, approx 4 months now.  He said he’s been trying for months and putting in more effort than he’s receiving! The hell he is! 

This sweet girl has trusted him and is  catching strong feelings now but past deceit has her 2nd guessing if she’s worthy for him or even this lifestyle in general. My heart shattered for her as soon as I read his answer. 

I’m trying to decide the best way to tell her. I’m fully accepting the fact she may get angry with me, but I’m hoping in the end, she’ll realize it’s what she needed to be confirmed so she could truly move along with him and calm her inner voice or move on. 100% she needs to move on. 
 

So why? Why are there soo many lying and deceitful Doms that believe it’s OK to be soo cruel. Truth eventually comes out.

 

Just be honest: there are many subs who will be open and OK with poly style. There is zero reason to ever lie. If this is you, fuck off! 
 

And I’m fully aware it happens in the flip scenario with subs playing games as well.  However, in this case, it’s per usual that is posted about ever so frequently. It’s why subs talk to each other! 

Edited September 17 by PrincessBratVixx
Spelling corrections

[4R****]

I'm really sorry to hear about the difficult situation your friend is in. It's clear that you care deeply about her well-being and want to support her. I'm appalled at his behaviour, but I'm appalled at yours too! 

.

Your friend confided in you and you took what she told you and ran with it on some sort of vigilante mission to catch the guy out by trapping him. You did this without your friend's knowledge or consent, breaching her trust even further and If I was her I would be furious with both of you!

.

Honesty is crucial in this lifestyle and whilst he has absolutely betrayed her, you've also been dishonest and if she decides to run from this lifestyle (and possibly your friendship)  when she finds out, I wouldn't blame her. 

.

Here's a suggestion for how to attempt to contain this mess…….

.

Choose a comfortable and private setting to talk to your friend. Ensure that you have enough time to have a thorough conversation. Start by expressing your concern for her feelings and well-being. Let her know that you care about her and want what's best for her.

.

Explain how you ended up on the platform, and the interaction you had with her Dom. Be honest and transparent about the conversation you had with him. Ideally, show her the whole conversation end-to-end. Let her know that you understand how hurtful and disappointing this must be for her. Share your empathy for what she's going through.

.

Encourage her to share her thoughts and feelings. Make it clear that you're there to listen and support her, no matter what she decides to do. Ultimately, the choice of how to proceed should be hers. Respect her autonomy and decision-making process, even if it means she chooses to stick with the dynamic or walk away from your friendship.

.

Continue to be a supportive friend, regardless of the outcome. Reiterate that you're there for her no matter what. Remember that she may have a range of emotions when she learns about this, including anger, sadness, or confusion. Your intention to support and help her through this difficult situation is commendable, but may well back-fire on you. 

.

Good Luck!

[bu****]

I don't think it's a Dom issue, so much as it's a men issue. Dominate Men have an overwhelming need to conquer as much as possible with zero regard for how they do that. Never trust a man. Even the submissive ones.

Tell her. She needs to know her time is being wasted and then call his ass out. Fuck these lieing Doms, none of them deserve shit.

[en****]

I just feel as though BOTH DOMS AND SUBS (some) are pathological liers

[4R****]

39 minutes ago, buckley887 said:

I don't think it's a Dom issue, so much as it's a men issue. Dominate Men have an overwhelming need to conquer as much as possible with zero regard for how they do that. Never trust a man. Even the submissive ones.

Tell her. She needs to know her time is being wasted and then call his ass out. Fuck these lieing Doms, none of them deserve shit.

So you are tarring all men with the same brush? 

[DefByOrgasms82]

Just sad to hear that people can't be open and honest and truthful.
I'm far from perfect at all and I've made my mistakes in the past. I've learnt from them and owned it.
But I actually pride myself on my honesty as i would expect the same.
But just gotta hope and there are genuine decent tidy people here

[en****]

Honestly we are human and most of all adults. At this point in our lives using broad strokes to paint a “vivid”picture is immature.

[LittleMissSassy]

I'm so sorry your friend and 4RCH has some good points. My thing is... give her some control. Sit her down, and do the ice breaking but then give her the control if she WANTS to know the result. Give her the power to say no. Show her that respect that she deserves. What you did isn't the best but I definitely understand the intention and probably would have done something similar tbh. But if she does want to see it... show her everything! Don't leave anything out

[LittleMissSassy]

Also. To be clear, you're definitely not on a similar level to this lying POS Dom as the one Dom reply insinuated/suggested. It's just that there COULD be some feelings of betrayal from your friend to you. Like I said in my previous reply, I would have done the same thing. I hate that her trust was broken. 🥺 give her your love and support and show her the support she's gained from us! ❤️❤️ 

[CopperKnob]

It all seems a little immature if I'm honest, something teenagers would do, and I don't really see the point of the post, other than to brag about catching someone out in a lie in a rather underhand way.
People lie, regardless as to whether their intention is good or bad, it happens. In a way, you've 'lied' to two people (by omission) and potentially hurt one, a close friend of yours at that.
Here's hoping that your friend, once the shock, disappointment, anger have past is able to see that your actions were not of ill intent.

[Po****]

I agree, that it high school drama behavior

[bu****]

53 minutes ago, 4RCH said:

So you are tarring all men with the same brush? 

Did I say all men?

[do****]

1 hour ago, 4RCH said:

I'm really sorry to hear about the difficult situation your friend is in. It's clear that you care deeply about her well-being and want to support her. I'm appalled at his behaviour, but I'm appalled at yours too! 

.

Your friend confided in you and you took what she told you and ran with it on some sort of vigilante mission to catch the guy out by trapping him. You did this without your friend's knowledge or consent, breaching her trust even further and If I was her I would be furious with both of you!

.

Honesty is crucial in this lifestyle and whilst he has absolutely betrayed her, you've also been dishonest and if she decides to run from this lifestyle (and possibly your friendship)  when she finds out, I wouldn't blame her. 

.

Here's a suggestion for how to attempt to contain this mess…….

.

Choose a comfortable and private setting to talk to your friend. Ensure that you have enough time to have a thorough conversation. Start by expressing your concern for her feelings and well-being. Let her know that you care about her and want what's best for her.

.

Explain how you ended up on the platform, and the interaction you had with her Dom. Be honest and transparent about the conversation you had with him. Ideally, show her the whole conversation end-to-end. Let her know that you understand how hurtful and disappointing this must be for her. Share your empathy for what she's going through.

.

Encourage her to share her thoughts and feelings. Make it clear that you're there to listen and support her, no matter what she decides to do. Ultimately, the choice of how to proceed should be hers. Respect her autonomy and decision-making process, even if it means she chooses to stick with the dynamic or walk away from your friendship.

.

Continue to be a supportive friend, regardless of the outcome. Reiterate that you're there for her no matter what. Remember that she may have a range of emotions when she learns about this, including anger, sadness, or confusion. Your intention to support and help her through this difficult situation is commendable, but may well back-fire on you. 

.

Good Luck!

Spot on 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[do****]

14 minutes ago, buckley887 said:

Did I say all men?

You did. You specifically said "Never trust a man. Even the sub ones". You overgeneralized. Not cool. I'm from the school of if it don't apply let it fly, so I did let your statement fly. But denying it now, I had to speak

[gi****]

So, I've again debated getting involved in this discussion. I think there is a place to discuss the OP's actions. But, for me, there is a place to discuss how we work to assure safety of all parties when there is a violation such as described in this post. What the Dom here engaged in was nonconsensual. We only have OP's description of the situation, but from that we can infer that he may have partners his sub is unaware of which places her at risk. We can debate things around OP's sharing of this, but I think there's a place to discuss the power differential for many subs with their doms. I'm big on discussing safety, and honestly that's how I took this post. As a discussion of safety. I don't think it's all doms like I don't think it's all men. But, talking about safety and how to work on it is good for us all. Again, just my opinion, but wanted to add this thought.

[do****]

2 minutes ago, giraut said:

So, I've again debated getting involved in this discussion. I think there is a place to discuss the OP's actions. But, for me, there is a place to discuss how we work to assure safety of all parties when there is a violation such as described in this post. What the Dom here engaged in was nonconsensual. We only have OP's description of the situation, but from that we can infer that he may have partners his sub is unaware of which places her at risk. We can debate things around OP's sharing of this, but I think there's a place to discuss the power differential for many subs with their doms. I'm big on discussing safety, and honestly that's how I took this post. As a discussion of safety. I don't think it's all doms like I don't think it's all men. But, talking about safety and how to work on it is good for us all. Again, just my opinion, but wanted to add this thought.

I respect this train of thought. Safety is always first

[De****]

I have been in this position before. It has never worked out for me. I have lost friends for this. Now that you know, you really need to tell her. Just know that it can cost you a friendship. Sometimes people just don’t want to know the truth.

[gi****]

2 hours ago, buckley887 said:

I don't think it's a Dom issue, so much as it's a men issue. Dominate Men have an overwhelming need to conquer as much as possible with zero regard for how they do that. Never trust a man. Even the submissive ones.

Tell her. She needs to know her time is being wasted and then call his ass out. Fuck these lieing Doms, none of them deserve shit.

I think I may have read this differently than others.  How it has been explained to me is in the past is by using an analogy which helps me read this differently.  Can't remember the one that I was told, but it is akin to if you know that there are 10 doors.  And, behind one of those doors is a hungry lion who will pounce on you and kill you.  Saying there are 9 doors that don't have that lion so you shouldn't treat them like you treat the one with the lion is unhelpful.  I know as a man, it can be hard hearing all men.  But, I remind myself that it is hard for others to tell that I am different than the ones that are predators without seeing my actions. Again, I feel like I need to say that this is my two cents, and I understand that others may disagree with me, but it is how I've made sense of this.

[Ta****]

The way I see it, you’ve put yourself in a no-win situation by essentially catfishing your friend’s Dom…because now, you either tell her the truth and risk losing her as a friend or keep it a secret from her, which is a lie by omission. I get that you were just trying to be a good friend, but one wrong move could blow up in your face and push her closer to him because you went behind her back. As for what you should do now…he’s already said what he said, and you owe it to her to tell her, but I hope you took screenshots. There’s my 2 cents, good luck. 🤦🏻‍♂️

[DarkArts1066]

The simple reason that people lie about their status (and I am not one of these people….) is that they see something in a profile that they like …. But perhaps that person is fully monogamous - and that doesn’t work for the other party.

This is where the self gratification steps in, and the morality and honesty in the situation steps out.
Theybtailor their own profile to suit the desires of the other person - much like a chameleon adopts the colours of its surroundings.

The risk assessment in the brain says “he/she will never find out that I am in contact with others … it’s a risk worth taking - and they start to create a defence to ensure that (like asking the play partner “not to go online to certain sites…” - Which itself should be a Red Flag.

I do not condone this behaviour, but it is part of the human ‘Hunter’ condition in us - to enable us to get what we personally want.

As to how you tell your friend - I think honesty - as you know is the best policy here.
She has already been lied to once by this person - and if you, her best friend tells her anything other than the whole truth, it will shatter her.

Her response may be painful for you - she may want to step away from you - but that may only be while she heals from the betrayal. And in any case, it’s probably a risk worth taking for you - if you have your best intentions at heart. She clearly deserves better.

[TheDeathRictus]

Just show her the MSG's 🤷🏼🤷🏼

[YesDaddyYes]

One you're a good friend, but two...she might see your behaviour as deceitful too. I reckon you show her the message exchange so she can see for herself what transpired and go from there.x

[EmpressJax]

How is liking a picture, without adding a comment, 'deceitful' or 'catfishing'? 😳 Nobody made him respond!

[pr****]

I would suggest telling her the truth but with compassion and kindness. Though you are angry, she will hurt for the heart is the fragile of all the muscles. as it’s so east to hurt with words.

Tell her that seeing your friend suffering “gut rot” hurt so you acted. Show her and withhold comment. Allow your friend to grieve and heal.

Then bash his ass..lol