Such closed minded negativity ... on a site like this. Never ceases to amaze me. Where one person sees a doorway and an opening, another sees something so negative. Like I said. I'm glad I see it my way.
You've people on here saying "Hi" is close to being rude. It's laughable. Massively warped Read more… negativity. Projection which borders on the scary. Labeling people lazy, and telling shy people that "this is on them to work on it". It's not dissimilar to telling depressed people to just cheer up. People saying they'd prefer no message rather than an introductory salutation which in 2 letters, says "I've looked at your profile and I've found you interesting enough to attempt to catch your eye and initiate contact".
Such closed minded negativity .. on a site like this. Never ceases to amaze me.
OP: I would say this thread is indicative of the site in general. Good luck matey. I'm off to watch the game.
Blacksheep *grins* .. Obviously an interesting message is a stimulus .. but there's nothing stopping *insert gender* taking it as a lead and going and researching a profile... and then commenting on it. It's a cognitive decision to either see a positive and an opening, or a negative and a Read more… dismissal. "Hi" opens a door. It's an invite inside. You can of course just stand at the door and chat too... but if the door's open and there's room on the sofa it seems daft to stand on the doorstep and shout. After all...you're the last one through the door. You can leave it open if you think there's a need for a swift exit!
Incidentally I'd never just send a "Hi" as an opener.. I'm a tad too loquacious for that.. (ENTP Devil's advocate) but I can absolutely understand those who do. EVERY single initiated by someone else conversation I've had on here.. has started with a single "Hi!" and I've followed up every single one of them...by clicking their profile and seeing what they're portraying as them.., and then making the choice to reply or not. There's absolutely nothing wrong in not replying either.
as for LazyP's Why do i take it as a positive... I CHOOSE to! Someone has sent me a message, out of the thousands of people they could've sent a message to. They've picked me! That's incredible. They've initiated a point of contact. Opened themselves up to entering into my world and vice versa. They've seen something they liked and want to explore and know more. It's a gargantuan compliment. I suspect it's easy for people who drink nectar all day to find it sickly, and thus they'll forget that to those that don't, it's sweet, refreshing and nourishing. A pretty person who knows they're pretty will be bored of being told it. Does that detract from the meaning behind the observation / complement? Of course not! One person's immunity does not impact upon the potency of a substance. For the reader of 60 "hi"s a day I can understand it might be tiresome to a point, and you can become disenchanted with it... but you've been give 60 doorways to choose from. Pick one. Pick two. Pick as many as you like or none at all but don't forget that ... opportunity was there. I'm reminded of a book called The Little Prince. There's a quote... "it's time wasted on your rose which makes her important" .. after the lead character.. who'd only ever seen one rose.. had suddenly been introduced to hundreds. Go through the door... pick your rose.. or even.. be someone's rose. Or just close the door.
It's a choice. Take a positive.. or a negative. You can nurture either. Both will grow if you feed them. I choose the former. I'm happier that way for it. Others prefer to feed from the negative. That's their choice. But it IS a choice. A way of thinking. And that's their own responsibility.
In a bar you have body language, in here you have a profile. You've soooo much to go on but instead people pick negativity. On here is not a totally different thing to everyone. It's a totally different thing to YOU, and some others.
If someone messages me "Hi" ... i'd nosy at their profile, and Read more… then reply with something orientated around it, or their location, or their pics, or knowing me... I'd just likely say "Well I live in an attic flat so... yes... oh wait... that's the wrong sort of "hi" " .. and it will have instigated the conversation. They initiated the conversation.. so they're obviously interested .. so now it's time to see if there's a flow to be found and common ground to be had / new ground to be discovered.
Give you something to work with...? You've got a profile and an explicit notification of interest. If that's not enough then for me, I already know I'd never get along with that person. Their mentality simply wouldn't match mine.
In a bar... I'd actually generally not introduce myself verbally... I'd place myself within sight of the lady I was interested in and attempt to catch her eye, as in.. I'd hope she'd catch me looking at her. She can then register the interest, feel flattered/appalled (it's a 50/50 gamble haha) and then if the interest is obviously reciprocated .. then there will come the chance to speak. But firstly you have to put yourself in the "notice me" position. That's what a "Hi" message does here. Women are MASSIVELY outnumbered by guys on here and the chances of showing up on a search etc are very limited. So.. a "hi" brings the chance to at least gain some exposure... (and if you look at the pics here... exposure is the right word!) .. allows the lady to see someone's interested, she can then check the person out.. and decide how to proceed. It's given the recipient massive amounts of power and control over the scenario... something I'd've thought people on here would be able to relate to!
If someone sends me a "hi" I take it as a huge positive. Others take it as a negative.
Which one of us is happiest? I'll take my interpretation any day of the week. Except Mondays. I hate Mondays.
*drifts off singing You say goodbye... when I say hello... hello hello... I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello*
Hahaha you thought I'd go with the Boomtown Rats didn't you!
What response do you expect from "Hello"?
Ah this makes me sigh. I'd say "hello" to a stranger in a bar if I was interested in them. I'd not spout an inordinate amount of info on the initial contact, only for them to look at me like I was insane and say "Why the hell are you talking to me?" Read more… "Hello" is an opening. It's an invite to go have a look at my profile and then, you can react to it. It's a massively open ended entry to dialogue and allows you, the person replying, to be in charge of where that goes. A "hello" indicates interest. It breaks a barrier. It's the first word we learn in any second language usually.
What response do you expect from "Hello"? Anything! Everything! The world is then your mollusc. If you choose to dismiss it, sobeit. But that's on you, not the proclaimer of the salutation. An avalanche starts with a single rock. What is essential is invisible to the eye. If you choose to superimpose "They've made no effort" onto something which has opened up infinite amounts of possibilities ... to press a negative upon a positive...
Like I say. This makes me sigh. There's no romance in the world anymore. Only cynicism.
My experience on here has been either one of two things with messaging. 1: Within 8 messages they'll be explaining how much you'll have to pay and then block you when they are told you have no intention of paying anyone. 2: You'll get no reply. As for the chat... I've been using this site on and Read more… off for 3 years and I've had one person speak to me.
That's purely from my experience here. As for the whole "Hi is not a message" thing, personally I think that's rubbish. If lass messages me with a "Hi" that's an initiation of contact and a nod of interest. It gives the initiative to the recipient and invites them to begin, to lead if you will, it's an opening. If someone wants to take a negative from that, that's a reflection on them, not on you. They can say "you've not made an effort" etc but in point of fact you have. In actuality you've instigated a point of contact, whereas they haven't. You've done infinitely more than they have within the parameters of communication. You've actively searched for, seeked out.. and then reached out. There's much talk of respect and yet very little actually given. People love to superimpose their version of what's seen as ok by them and apply it as a form of dismissive upon others.
Be yourself. Do not expect to get out what you put in. That way, you're going to either be correct in your assessment, or pleasantly surprised. That's a in win in my book :)