What Do You Think Of Fake Kinksters?

[Ca****]

So what do you as a community think of the men and women who claim to be a part of the life, then either get disproven or can't back it up with action? Is it a sad display or do they just give us a bad name?

[ey****]

I think it depends on *why* they're faking.

Sometimes I think people feel pressured into 'having experience' so make up experience or oversell themselves (big mistake in a lifestyle where honesty is crucial) 

and I also think there are some who have ideologies so will make up or exaggerate current/past relationships in the hope it normalises how they think things should be.  

-

I think it's important that it's a multi-facet lifestyle that many different people enjoy in different ways whilst some may want some sort of full 24/7 -dynamic-never-off that there's plenty who like just the odd bit kink in the bedroom and that's also amazing.

[su****]

Very disappointing and a waste of time.

[Tr****]

What the heck is "the life"? People are kinky in varying degrees. Some people on here are just into light play or gentle stuff. They don't deserve to be subject to gatekeeping?

[Deleted Member]

It's tricky to be honest as there are some people who may lie or exaggerate as they are new and want to seem like they have more experience. Naturally this is foolish as people need to be open and honest and it's important to admit where you're knowledge is lacking so you can learn. 

However I do also know of the kind of people that you are talking about. I am so tired of seeing guys (not to stereotype just mostly in my experience it's men claiming to be Doms) talking about how subs are easy sluts. 

What's worse is how disrespectful they are flat out giving random women orders because they are a self proclaimed Dom. Then calling them every name under the sun because they simply told them no. 

I've had one of these people threaten me because he was being very obnoxious and saying that sub women needed to learn respect for Doms. I told him that respect is a two way street and subs usually respect you once you've respected them. He then claimed that was bull as all subs are whores and should be talked down to 🙄. He also claimed I had no idea and threatened me at which point he was kicked out.

[Deleted Member]

90% of the people my age I find on the app are just into ddlg

[Deleted Member]

.....MaskedDom, my exhusband was the same way (lol dont worry, it was common law) but I hate to admit most men in this city r exactly the same way.....

[TH****]

People who say they are something but turn out not to be what they say only hurt themselves, because they rest of us can’t be changed by the people who aren’t living the lifestyle that the rest of us are living!!!

[Vandalslut]

On 3/2/2020 at 9:59 AM, MaskedDom said:

I've had one of these people threaten me because he was being very obnoxious and saying that sub women needed to learn respect for Doms. I told him that respect is a two way street and subs usually respect you once you've respected them. He then claimed that was bull as all subs are whores and should be talked down to 🙄. He also claimed I had no idea and threatened me at which point he was kicked out.

Good for you, MaskedDom!  He sounds like an utter twat and a major ignoramus. This is an interesting topic - there's been a number of subs lately complaining - legitimately - about the 'Bull-Doms'. I encountered one years ago, who got busy telling me what he was going to do to me and what HE said I 'needed' - and the look on his face when he found the Vandal was standing right behind him listening to every word was a real Kodak moment. The 'wanna-be' just shrivelled and slunk off.  He disappeared out of our social group very soon after that.  N.B. I didn't 'need' anything - I was getting everything I wanted and still am!  Bull-Doms, take note - a sub may be a sub, but he/she isn't YOUR sub.

 Fifty Shades has been responsible for a ton of misinterpretation and has, Gods help us, made BDSM 'fashionable' - there are a few genuine explorers as a result of this twaddle, but the majority of those claiming the 'life' have no idea - I battled through the first book, as my brain turned to mush and my IQ dropped several points. And as far as I'm aware, there was no real exploration of the dynamics within kink relationships.  There certainly wasn't any in the first book, anyway.  So there may be some ridiculous social peer pressure going on - you're not 'in' unless you've read the books, own a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs or taught the missus to kneel by the bed and await her Lordship's  instructions. These are the sad bastards, as is the idiot MaskedDom encountered. 

There are varying degrees and depths of kink - there is no 'one size fits all'.  The dynamics of each relationship are individual.

There is something else that may be adding to the misinterpretation - a recent proliferation of the 'I'm up for anythings' - usually from those younger ones beginning to explore - and other 'newbies' who have very worrying profiles in here (and elsewhere too, probably) - one I read recently announced herself as a dirty desperate cum slut who needed degrading, slapping about and using in any way anyone wanted...

This kind of advertising does give a few idiots (like the one MaskedDom encountered) the idea that this is what ALL subs are like and what ALL subs want. Think again, Bull-brains - before you do get your teeth knocked out by a real Dom.

 

[ey****]

and you know

a "Bull Dom" and a "I'll do anything" sub should be a match made in heaven but in reality is an accident waiting to happen

[Deleted Member]

I think Vandalsut is absolutely right. It's so weird seeing people talking about being "kinky" or "dirty" and a "massive slut" because they gave their boyfriend a blowjob 🙄.

It is definitely a trendy thing and it is annoying and rather concerning. I've also spoken with the "do anything" subs before as At one time I was in a commited relationship with a sub and when the "do anything" subs would message me saying all kinds of stuff I would politely reply that I was taken. Yet I would often get a response along the lines of "I'm better than that bitch" "I'll do more" ect.

I never bothered responding to that as I want nothing to do with people who act that way. I have also had ones since being single where again they are way too open. As such I have advised them about being safe and that you shouldn't offer yourself on a plate to strangers as you are asking for trouble. Unfortunately this usually is met with hostility so I don't think there is much that can be done to educate these people. 

[Vandalslut]

3 hours ago, MaskedDom said:

 As such I have advised them about being safe and that you shouldn't offer yourself on a plate to strangers as you are asking for trouble. Unfortunately this usually is met with hostility so I don't think there is much that can be done to educate these people. 

Cheers, MaskedDom.  The 'I'll do anythings' get a education when a Bull-Dom takes them at their literal word, and they find out that not all doms are Mr. Christian Grey; the Bull-Doms find out when NO sub wants to go near them - and here's another message for both; what's on the inside eventually shows on the outside and word DOES get around.

19 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

A "Bull Dom" and a "I'll do anything" sub should be a match made in heaven but in reality is an accident waiting to happen

Yeah - a train wreck!

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, Vandalslut said:

The Bull-Doms find out when NO sub wants to go near them

I hope so but I have seen my fair share of these type of idiots bury themselves in so much denial it's beyond words. Still it's fascinating from a psychological point of view lol.

[an****]

I agree .it makes me mad .

[Deleted Member]

Don’t know about everybody else, but all I ever wanted, still do want and all I will ever want in the future is just a bit of non vanilla kinky fun! I don’t need any labels, categorisation, being in (or not in) any particular niche, club or clique, and I certainly don’t need to create a fake past or fake persona of the present to satisfy some ego. I’m an absolute genuine WYSIWYG, which some of us of a certain age will completely understand. Why make up stories? Why live in a fantasyland when you can meet people on this site that will happily indulge you in your real life fantasies, actually in real life?

My experience, having met up with people on this site and outside of this site, is that you just need to be yourself, say it as it is, don’t have any hidden agendas, be nice and ultimately you’ll meet like-minded people if you are decent, honest and respectable. If you are a complete twat then you probably won’t meet up with anybody and you probably won’t stay on this site very long. Simple, really!

[Vandalslut]

On 3/6/2020 at 11:48 PM, MaskedDom said:

I hope so but I have seen my fair share of these type of idiots bury themselves in so much denial it's beyond words. Still it's fascinating from a psychological point of view lol.

If they do bury themselves in denial, then at least they won't be pests!

[le****]

I have a *** of being confused with that. I have hardly any actual experience with kinks, but I really do support and enjoy them. But the thought of my inexperience being used against me is terrifying.

[an****]

Does it matter?

[Al****]

It does kinda give the community a bitter taste for sure

[Deleted Member]

On 3/12/2020 at 11:12 PM, left-2-write said:

I have a *** of being confused with that. I have hardly any actual experience with kinks, but I really do support and enjoy them. But the thought of my inexperience being used against me is terrifying.

That's absolutely fine but I do get what you mean. When you're new to the scene it's nerve-wracking especially as kink communities tend to be protective. However I must say anyone who labels you something based on a lack of experience is not a good person. 

The fact that you can be open enough to admit that and that you're concerned about how people will see that suggests to me that you are definitely not one of the people we are talking about.

Basically it's people who adopt the titles because they think it grants them something. This kind of self appointed power tends to then be misused.

Put simply anyone who thinks calling themselves a Dom gives them the power to treat others like shit is NOT a true reflection of the scene and not recognised as a true Dom.

Newbies who want to explore are more than welcome as long as they treat others with respect.