Why not anal?

[Lu****]

3 hours ago, Nonnahs said:

In response where do i find a guy who actually prepares or gives a shit? Like ive never had anyone give more than two second energy al

 If a guy doesn’t have much experience specifically in anal or has never been guided or had feedback then he may not be aware that time is needed. 
 

I guess a couple of other factors are at play too.  For example I know some women ask for *** and to push in dry and also at the other end some women can relax and have familiarised themselves so much with anal play that less time is taken to get to the point on insertion. 
 

But this is about you, not other women -So I guess you need to guide your partner and educate them in how you / your body needs to be worked up  - so it comes down to that key element of communication. 

[Deleted Member]

My first post here… hi all. Well… more than half a life ago, I was in a relationship with a man double my age (first mistake, I know). This was in the ‘90’s, so consent wasn’t really topical. Anyway.. he was a ‘loving dom’ and I had emotional energy that needed venting. I had specifically told him anal was a hard ‘no’ in normal conversation as well as the bedroom’. One one occasion we went away for a weekend, beautiful time had..and all dressed up, I let him bind me and use a gag, more controlling than usual … and what happened? He took advantage and penetrated me anally, against my wish. I was horrified. Needless to say, I never let him , or any other man with a predilection, control me again. He stole a lifetime of opportunity and instilled distrust forever more. It was destructive. Recently, I had to have an intimate exam there and in the appointment broke down in tears… it still cuts me to the bone. For anyone thinking ‘no’ means ‘maybe’.. it doesn’t. Please think about repercussions in what you do.

[Lu****]

1 hour ago, collins-street888660 said:

My first post here… hi all. Well… more than half a life ago, I was in a relationship with a man double my age (first mistake, I know). This was in the ‘90’s, so consent wasn’t really topical. Anyway.. he was a ‘loving dom’ and I had emotional energy that needed venting. I had specifically told him anal was a hard ‘no’ in normal conversation as well as the bedroom’. One one occasion we went away for a weekend, beautiful time had..and all dressed up, I let him bind me and use a gag, more controlling than usual … and what happened? He took advantage and penetrated me anally, against my wish. I was horrified. Needless to say, I never let him , or any other man with a predilection, control me again. He stole a lifetime of opportunity and instilled distrust forever more. It was destructive. Recently, I had to have an intimate exam there and in the appointment broke down in tears… it still cuts me to the bone. For anyone thinking ‘no’ means ‘maybe’.. it doesn’t. Please think about repercussions in what you do.

So sorry to hear that event occurred and left you with emotional scars.  
Whether it was in the 90’s or not, he really betrayed your trust. 

I hope you ended it then and there? 

[Deleted Member]

I didn’t, for various reasons, but did eventually a year later. 30 years later, he ‘kind of’ apologised about his general behaviour. I realise that it can scar the perpetrator as well. People just need to keep a level head in all situations I suppose. Thank you for letting me share 🤍.. i’m finding reading these forum notes very helpful :)

[Lu****]

4 minutes ago, collins-street888660 said:

I didn’t, for various reasons, but did eventually a year later. 30 years later, he ‘kind of’ apologised about his general behaviour. I realise that it can scar the perpetrator as well. People just need to keep a level head in all situations I suppose. Thank you for letting me share 🤍.. i’m finding reading these forum notes very helpful :)

That’s very noble of you to recognise he may be scarred also. 
 

And - I’m pleased to hear that your finding the forum notes helpful !

 

Play safe. Stay safe ! 
 

Luke x

[br****]

Feels like poopin, makes me think of poop, you're gonna get poop on you...it's just not sexy to me, also it's pretty uncomfortable under the best circumstances. Just not my bag, as they say

[Lu****]

42 minutes ago, brat_djinn said:

Feels like poopin, makes me think of poop, you're gonna get poop on you...it's just not sexy to me, also it's pretty uncomfortable under the best circumstances. Just not my bag, as they say

Thanks for your honesty. 
I’m guessing that you have at least tried it ? 
 

Luke x

[Lu****]

Thanks to everyone so far for their input, responses and sharing personal experiences. 
 

I’m sure we’ve not had the full spectrum of reasons yet - so more replies are welcome - please do contribute ! 
 

Luke x

[ap****]

The reason I say no to anal is because I was ***d to do it and when he was done I was bleeding it hurt so bad I had to lay on my stomach for a week straight. I can say yes that was a very bad experience but I have had a few partners that wanted to try so I agreed it still hurt every time so I just don't anymore

[na****]

Anal is the best!

[Lu****]

1 hour ago, applepiebrat said:

The reason I say no to anal is because I was ***d to do it and when he was done I was bleeding it hurt so bad I had to lay on my stomach for a week straight. I can say yes that was a very bad experience but I have had a few partners that wanted to try so I agreed it still hurt every time so I just don't anymore

Sorry to hear you had such a nasty experience.  Understandable that it now doesn’t work for you. 
 

Take care. Stay safe.

x

[Switch63]

Love anal

[Lu****]

3 hours ago, Switch63 said:

Love anal

Looking at your profile you love a lot of things ! 🤣🙈🙈🙈🙈 

But it’s good to be open minded ! 
 

[Deleted Member]

While looking through the "sexuality" entries in the 1979 set of Encyclopedia Brittanicas my parents bought for me, I was pretty certain that I wanted to try almost everything sexual that I could. Ah, younger me ... so innocent, so ignorant.

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There's a scene in the movie Caligula where the emperor (played by Malcolm McDowell) decides to anally penetrate someone with the large ring he's wearing on his finger, no lube, no warmup. The man he's attacked shrieks as his knees buckle and he collapses. This was very similar to my first experience with anal, when my ex-husband supposedly tried for the wrong hole during shower sex. Our roommates came running. My partner of the time seemed to think I was being overly dramatic. 

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I was not.

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During our separation, when I was living my own place, I ended up playing with a man who was very, very good at anal. He used lots of lube, went slowly, and I damn near vibrated off the bed. He just used his fingers, but it was amazing. So I knew that this could be done very, very well. 

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I did discover that I have a tendency to clench to deepen the sensation, as I do during PIV. The problem with clenching during anal is that my muscles tend to scoot the lube away from where I squeezed, which increases friction, which is not good. So I try to relax ... which lessens the sensation. What ends up happening is this weird erotic fight between my brain and my butt and my ass starts ... fluttering, I guess ... with this SQUEEZE! No! RELAX! No! SQUEEZE! argument. Because I'm weird.

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Shortly thereafter I had a lover who adored anal and wanted to try it with anyone he could talk into it. Problem: he was one of those gents who was hung but didn't know how to use it, bashing into my cervix, refusing to take instruction beforehand or during, or take constructive criticism after.

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He could not explain to me what benefit there would be for me to submit to anal sex with him if I didn't have a prostate. There was no way he was getting into my ass.

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Interestingly enough, we'd negotiated me using a strap-on on him, but he kept postponing until it got to the point where he ate partially cooked chicken at a restaurant so that he could honestly claim gastric distress and not bottom to me. Um. Okay. 

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Back when I was attempting submission (ugh) my "dominant" was determined to have me bottom to anal but also ... was probably an actual, pathological sadist. He refused to use much lube, claiming it was too expensive. At one point I bled for three days afterwards. At another point when he assumed he'd succeeded, he sulked because I'd managed to hold him mostly off of me by jamming my arm between me and him.

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I suffered so much physical damage from that relationship that it took me multiple seasons to get my own body to trust me enough for solo exploration. Oddly, I found that reading "Anal Pleasure and Health" by Jack Morin, PhD helped a great deal ... but whipping out a book every time I wanted to get freaky with someone seemed a bit odd even for kink.

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Luckily, I was attending events at the former Sharma Center in Seattle, a spot for the sex positive community, and during a roundtable discussion one person mentioned a relaxation technique that involved mimicking the way a, uh, brand-new human breathes: with their whole body, as they seem to both widen and lengthen on the inhale. There was a "plump when you cook 'em" joke made. The speaker nicknamed the technique "breathing through your asshole," which got giggles. 
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I tried it, and was surprised that it actually worked! All this "light candles," "play soft music," "take a bubble bath." Nope: breathe like I just learned how. 

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While messing around on my own, I found a bottle of warming lube that I'd bought and forgotten about a while ago. It was mentioned at a class I'd attended, but I didn't like the feel of it on my vulva because it was too strong. However, I got curious and rubbed some on my ... asshole? starfish? rosebud? rectal opening? and was relieved that it didn't burn at all. And then I realized that I'd opened right the hell up. It was sorta like booty Ben Gay: applying it relaxed my (outer?) sphincter muscle very quickly. 

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Someone who refused to do what I wanted to coax clitoral or even g-spot orgasm out of me tried to talk me into trying anal with them because he was lazy and anal was slow. I nearly laughed. If someone can't make my vulva happy after being given instructions, no way am I risking my ass again.

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I haven't bottomed for anal play with another person since I discovered those two techniques. If I don't trust the person I'm with to follow instructions, I ain't bothering.

Edited March 21, 2025 by Deleted Member