"premium" kink

[Deleted Member]

Now a days we are encouraged to use sites and apps, just like this one. Sadly on one side people are trying to connect and the other side. Someone wants $$

Do you pay for the "benefits" that should just exist? 

Should you pay, because someone is "popular" so you might have a chance of messaging them

Finally, for the women... Would you pay for a "hey" message blocker (where the only content of the message is hey)

This is all fun and pondering, please be nice and respect opinions that are not yours

Edited May 28, 2025 by Deleted Member

[Su****]

It’s really unfortunate or people are just straight up mean 😭

[Sc****]

I agree 💯

[Freakygirlcake]

Personally, I am unwilling to pay for any of those things. Ever.

[Sc****]

2 minutes ago, Freakygirlcake said:

Personally, I am unwilling to pay for any of those things. Ever.

I agree with you

[Deleted Member]

Asking for *** for pics or any benefits violates FET community standards anyway so nope, not gonna do it

[Deleted Member]

*** doesn't belong in bdsm. Full stop. As far as I'm concerned, findom is just financial *** under the guise of "domination".

[Deleted Member]

Just now, th3nam3 said:

*** doesn't belong in bdsm. Full stop. As far as I'm concerned, findom is just financial *** under the guise of "domination".

The fact that I can't even say fïñd0n should tell you all you need to know. It's a scam

[ey****]

what do you mean by "benefits which should just exist" 

If we're talking, say, features on a site then encouraging you to take a membership is how they operate

if you are talking about, say, people playing with you or chatting with you etc - then not they shouldn't "just exist" that's called entitlement. People should reply or play if they want to, not because you exist

(also women don't need to pay for a "hey blocker" since we all have mailbox filters we can use - which includes autorejecting any below a certain length) 

 

[Diaperhippie]

If people can't respond to simple hellos. I'd rather yall not respond to me anyways. Nobody's doing a hat trick just to get your attention. Either ya want to talk or ya don't.

[Deleted Member]

Zing. Zing. Zing. What started as tools to help us meet, date, or just talk has definitely turned into a global marketplace - where attention, access, and even basic respect can come with a price.

[Ta****]

I keep repeating myself - but women are the product of sites like this. We are what is advertised. We are what sells premium.

We did not create this system, we do not benefit much from it either. But we sometimes getting guys yelling at us because we are not interested, and now they've waisted points at us, the bad product.

[gi****]

I sear i play more games than what Moulton Bradley has with folks that lead me onto that.

[Deleted Member]

I'm just going to say on my original post.

I am SOLELY talking about impediment of communication between of 2 human parties, who have joined the app for the purpose of a form of a fetish based community.

If you are here for personal financial gains then read the terms and services, and find a more appropriate place to do such things. For this is not the place.

The core issues are the ones that matter and if the post doesn't directly apply to the subject matter.

It shouldn't be this hard to be able to communicate between bodies of people but I fail to realize that some bodies don't communicate effectively 

[Deleted Member]

I "pay" for my premium membership by creating content: not videos or photos, but by answering DMs and posting on the forum. It adds up in points, and points can be turned in for membership. We pay one way or another.

This is, in a way, becoming part of what sells memberships: people who engage with the site and other users. If we're going cynical business view then, yes, the users who post - and the ones who folks hope will reply to them - do get somewhat commodified based on likes, profile views, attempts to contact, etc. 

 

As to receiving curt messages, I do have a high response rate here because I respond to pretty much every message I get. With the really short ones, I follow a guideline my best friend gave me years ago:

 

Quote

Only respond with as many characters as they send.

Oddly, this works.

Quote

Them: Hey

Me: Hey

... or ...

Quote

Them: 'sup?
Me: nm u?

... or ...

Quote

Them: ?

Me: !

Sometimes I throw in a few more characters for the sake of legibility, or I cite direct quotes from my profile, or whatever. but I've yet to have a guy go off on me for matching his writing style.

 

Writing more in the hopes of generating interesting conversation almost never happens, so I'm guessing  that the ones who simply dropped me one word were looking for someone to entertain them while they sat passively. I figure that's what lurking on the forum is for, so I leave them to it once they get bored and wander off. 

I realize that some people get so many messages that even that much engagement is overwhelming, but I find that it works for me. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[FE****]

I've tidied up this thread and removed some comments.  Please stick to the original topic.  Wandering off into your own personal gripes about the people on the site will be removed.

[Deleted Member]

18 minutes ago, FETMod-RG said:

I've tidied up this thread and removed some comments.  Please stick to the original topic.  Wandering off into your own personal gripes about the people on the site will be removed.

Thank you, I was surprised to see it get out of hand so suddenly. Thank you all for engaging in the topic

[ey****]

6 hours ago, Aello said:

I am SOLELY talking about impediment of communication between of 2 human parties, who have joined the app for the purpose of a form of a fetish based community.

 

I feel the issue then becomes that people have a different idea of community.   For example - this site the chat and forum are free to use. Partaking in these is partaking in the online community.  There is no payment changes hands between you and the site and you and other individuals.

Sending private messages to people can be a form of community, if it serves as an extension to the above.  "Hey I saw that thing you wrote on the forum/chat - it was excellent / I'd like to know more / I can empathise / etc" providing that wasn't best to be on the forum.  Equally for private messages for someone you've engaged with on the forum/chat as a means of continuing the conversation.  

All of that is typically free (providing they don't have filters set)

If however you want to message LOTS of people - that is not free.  However, that isn't forming or partaking in community either.

[Tw****]

Nothing against this app, because honestly I do like it better than any other. But I feel like FetLife has the best model. Where they paygate those features that cost the most, and it’s only a couple features, video and I think just amount of items on your feed.

Contacting other members is never limited by anyone other than the members themselves. Posting in groups, creating groups and so on. All of that is free. Basically everything is free other than what I previously mentioned.

The real problem in our community is Ghana. This country for some reason is the go to scam country for the BDSM community. Fake accounts and scammers are the bane of what we’re trying to create. If you look at alt.com for example, 90% of all female accounts there are Ghana scammers posting stolen pics and nonsense profile info. The site is completely destroyed at this point.

We have a similar problem here, and FetLife has it too. When you have free memberships, you’re gonna build a huge amount of scam accounts.

The issue is verification.

Any site that wants to avoid the true problem, paid or free, MUST REQUIRE VERIFICATION of EVERY account. Not just users who want to verify … ALL ACCOUNTS!

Once this happens it opens the doors to real interaction and actual value placed on any type of paid service. When I pay extra to to xyz, I know I’m interacting with a real, verified member who isn’t trying to direct me to OF, or rip me off by asking for ***.

True interactive communication can only be possible when you know that the person you’re talking to is a real kinkster and not a scammer.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, TwistedDaddy said:

Nothing against this app, because honestly I do like it better than any other. But I feel like FetLife has the best model. Where they paygate those features that cost the most, and it’s only a couple features, video and I think just amount of items on your feed.

Contacting other members is never limited by anyone other than the members themselves. Posting in groups, creating groups and so on. All of that is free. Basically everything is free other than what I previously mentioned.

I am going to say, however.   Fetlife is not a dating site nor built as one.  So there's no A/S/L search, no dating features, etc. and while, of course, it is possible to meet people from there - treating it like a dating site doesn't go well.  But, ahem, for the people claiming they are seeking "community" it is possibly better equipped due to longetivity.  

It also doesn't have an app (which, in some ways is a good thing) it does have it's what, 'Progressive Web App' or whatever it's called, but it often runs into it's own issues.   Sometimes I think the obsession that everything 'needs' an app is more counterproductive - but hey ho.

1 hour ago, TwistedDaddy said:

Any site that wants to avoid the true problem, paid or free, MUST REQUIRE VERIFICATION of EVERY account. Not just users who want to verify … ALL ACCOUNTS!

Once this happens it opens the doors to real interaction and actual value placed on any type of paid service. When I pay extra to to xyz, I know I’m interacting with a real, verified member who isn’t trying to direct me to OF, or rip me off by asking for ***.

A couple of years ago a lady on TikTok suggested people join this site as it was good for finding 'Finsubs' there was a massive, and I mean massive, influx of new sign ups.  Pretty much 100-200 per hour, every hour, for days until the TikTok video could be taken down.

A lot of these people had verified.  Because, well, if they do sell - then to be on sites like OF, ***, clipsites, etc they have to verify and are so used to it especially if it's a platform they've found trusted.  So mandatory verification isn't something that would put off those who were selling.  They're use to providing passport and IDs, so a little verification photo is nowt.

Not that I necessarily disagree with you. I think sites like this everyone should be made to verify, with passport or driving license, to prove they are who they say they are AND if they need to be banned can be banned by document ID so can't sign back up again.

But, well.  Although someone tried to project when I pointed out similar elsewhere, it is hard to get users to sign up to a site they *have* to verify to get onto unless there is real tangiable benefit on being there they can see BEFORE handing over docs. 

[Deleted Member]

16 hours ago, Diaperhippie said:

If people can't respond to simple hellos. I'd rather yall not respond to me anyways. Nobody's doing a hat trick just to get your attention. Either ya want to talk or ya don't.

Agreed. There are just some who want more than just a hello. I get that, but at least acknowledge the hello and tell us what you want. I'm no mind reader and I won't jump through hoops to get your attention either.

[ey****]

12 minutes ago, alvarado427224 said:

Agreed. There are just some who want more than just a hello. I get that, but at least acknowledge the hello and tell us what you want. I'm no mind reader and I won't jump through hoops to get your attention either.

I guess if your hello isn't "good enough" due to being low/no effort - the other person then telling them what they want is THEM jumping through hoops because YOU want THEIR attention.

Put some form of basic effort into messaging, or expect very little back. 

[Tw****]

@Aello I agree that there can still be a mass influx of people, but this can be easily handled programmatically. I’m a developer, I know. Anyone can signup and fill in their profile. But they get no access to other people, and they don’t appear in search until they verify. This leaves them open to explore the site and see if they like it. If they don’t verify within a given period, say a week or 2 weeks, they are automatically deleted. No fuss, no muss. Call it a trial period, once you verify, your trial ends and you can upgrade for additional features or just remain a free member.

And I didn’t mention FetLife as an alternative to this site/app. Just in terms of their payment model, only extended services require a payment. I like the Supporter model. It works well without limiting much interaction, but even FetLife should REQUIRE verification in my opinion.

[ey****]

21 minutes ago, TwistedDaddy said:

agree that there can still be a mass influx of people, but this can be easily handled programmatically. I’m a developer, I know. Anyone can signup and fill in their profile. But they get no access to other people, and they don’t appear in search until they verify. This leaves them open to explore the site and see if they like it. If they don’t verify within a given period, say a week or 2 weeks, they are automatically deleted. No fuss, no muss. Call it a trial period, once you verify, your trial ends and you can upgrade for additional features or just remain a free member.

in this hypothetical scenario - what would the person have access to ? what wouldn't they?  because if they don't have access to very much at all they might not be able to see what benefits they are to verification?   There's another thread where there were guys accusing sites like this of being a scam in themselves, i.e. someone spanking you, someone checked out your profile - pay to see who - that actually it was nobody but they want the person to pay.  So there'd have to be some confidence for people to verify.

Equally if the unverified person is deleted after 2 weeks, what is to stop them running again for another 2 weeks?

And as I say, the issue is - that, well in the TikTok incident - these WERE people who were verified.  If a guy, for example, is made to verify to do anything and then finds a whole bunch of sellers accounts which verified but are yet to be removed this is going to make him feel misled.

This isn't again to say I disagree with the principle. Just the execution.  Individuals aren't used to having to verify to use dating sites. Creators are used to having to verify.

I think with fetlife as an example model - they also have a few issues which relate to cashflow.  It's unsurprising that the AMA which was going to be supporters at first, and then everyone has now been switched to being supporters only, in the hope people will pay.  I used to pay for fetlife support, but I no longer do and I don't miss it.

This of course also said, fetlife did have to roll out a verification, albeit optional, and that did also need some incentives to sign up.  Many people however kicked off feeling they were made to verify against their will - that their track record proved they were real - and of course, as well, plenty of sellers etc verified 

I think, that while I would like to see more verified users - that - it isn't the magic solution people often think.

But also - we as individuals can on here set our mailboxes to only be able to be messaged by verified profiles AND to set our filters to only show us people who are verified.  There's less reason for people to be messaged by, or stumbling on, people who are not verified.

But they don't set these, "just in case"

 

[Tw****]

I’m not going to debate it with you. Sites with verification get more genuine people, period. Sites that require payment get more genuine people, especially if they only accept cards that require a users real name.

Sites like this have more interaction and more retention because the user has something at stake. And has more confidence that others are real as well.

I thought you might appreciate a developer’s view as I’ve been a member of hundreds of sites to research building my own. But I didn’t come here to argue so I’ll simply leave it at that and you can carry on believing what you will.

I have a fucking scammer on Telegram (from this app) I need to go report and delete so I’ll bid you adieu.