Etiquette and Protocol

[Du****]

Has anyone else noticed an utter lack of respect for our community from people who claim to be members of it? Where those calling themselves Dominants brazenly, shamelessly message submissives that are already involved in dedicated dynamics. Without discussing their intentions with a submissive's primary partner or protecting Dominant. Foisting their sexual fantasies upon others without obtaining prior consent.

I understand that not every dynamic is the same. I understand there are submissives that are free to message and engage in play with others. This is, however, based on how their own dynamic is structured. Are we not a community that values consent and respect above all else? Respect for our playmates, our partners, our fans and our idols?

If we continue to let these fakes, cheats, and liars run rampant through our community, more and more active, honest members will leave. If someone messages you in such a manner, don't just ignore them. Engage, educate, and should that fail, report. The community doesn't get better with inaction.

[Wi****]

You hit on the key word. Respect! Most but not all of those who have no respect , are those who have never had any real life experience.

It's OK for them to act any way they choose because there's no real consequences. It's not like they are going to get booted from the internet or ostracized by a real life community.

So , it's not important to them to actually learn anything. They gain just enough knowledge to seem credible to brand new people and they hand off their lack of respect and knowledge to others under the guise of experience.

[Tw****]

It's easy for someone in a privileged position to snuff those who are less educated. I understand that it gets frustrating seeing amateurs make mistakes but you have to remember you have the knowledge of the dynamics, rules and principles. But an outside observer would see only chaos because they do not have the understanding. I do agree with you on the consent part but i am fully aware of the number of profiles that contain outdated or misleading information. At the end of the day, if they don't want a cup of tea, don't make them a cup of tea. Remember to also be respectful to those who encroach on you, 9/10 probably mean no harm and just don't understand. ( Hanlons razor - Do not attribute to malice that which can be explained by stupidity)

[Tw****]

Explained by stupidity) [damned message length cut me off mid sentence 😄]

[Du****]

46 minutes ago, TwistedTreat69 said:

It's easy for someone in a privileged position to snuff those who are less educated. I understand that it gets frustrating seeing amateurs make mistakes but you have to remember you have the knowledge of the dynamics, rules and principles. But an outside observer would see only chaos because they do not have the understanding. I do agree with you on the consent part but i am fully aware of the number of profiles that contain outdated or misleading information. At the end of the day, if they don't want a cup of tea, don't make them a cup of tea. Remember to also be respectful to those who encroach on you, 9/10 probably mean no harm and just don't understand. ( Hanlons razor - Do not attribute to malice that which can be explained by stupidity)

While I can appreciate that everyone starts somewhere, I'm not necessarily talking about the people just starting out. I'm talking about people who claim to be "dominant with years of experience."

As an example, an "experienced Dom" messaged my submissive last night, jumping straight into his fantasy of fucking her on a beach ball until it popped. She promptly screengrabbed it and sent it to me. I sent the young man a firm but not confrontational message about how that was inappropriate and why. All I got in response was a "Fuck Off Douchebag" followed by being blocked. This guy was in our local area and presumably engages with others in our local BDSM community. He therefore unfortunately represents the community as a whole and newcomers WILL view him as an example.

[On****]

Unless their profiles say, "please don't message me, because...", how are people supposed to know?
What I can't stand are people who don't read your profile at all & message you.
They're just jumping from woman to woman, with that generic & ever~so blah "hey beautiful" message 🙄
Hopping between 100 profiles, hoping for someone to finish 'em off.
There's nothing wrong with jerking your junk, but please be respectful.
It's a huge turn~off & super dismissive.

[On****]

I'm kinda newish myself. Well, old but it's been awhile.
So it's a genuine question. Is there an option to not receive messages from certain people?

[Du****]

2 minutes ago, OneInAJillian said:

I'm kinda newish myself. Well, old but it's been awhile.
So it's a genuine question. Is there an option to not receive messages from certain people?

On this site? Yes, there are message filters. The conversations that occurred with the seaside entertainment enthusiast was on FetLife. I'm more or less just engaging with the community here.

[Deleted Member]

I’m honestly more concerned with the bots than anything else. FET is rife with bots and fake OF promotersz

[Du****]

6 minutes ago, sirpleasealot said:

I’m honestly more concerned with the bots than anything else. FET is rife with bots and fake OF promotersz

You're not wrong on either count there. Report them when you see them. Screenshots and everything.

[Deleted Member]

Oh I do, but they just make new accounts almost the same minute. I think I reported 12 of the same “person” yesterday.

[On****]

How does one spot a bot?

[Deleted Member]

They will have strange responses, more or less copy what you said. They will almost always want you to go to IG or OF. Also if it’s too good to be true, it probably is.

[Du****]

1 minute ago, sirpleasealot said:

Oh I do, but they just make new accounts almost the same minute. I think I reported 12 of the same “person” yesterday.

Fighting the good fight right there beside you.

[Deleted Member]

Well this is one of the few places I’ve found genuine ppl looking for genuine connections within kink, and it just bothers me that it’s invaded by those types. Although you will never get rid of the fakes.

[Th****]

It is nothing new. It shows ignorance and the utmost disregard or lack of respect. Many join for a quick screw and hide behind the facade that everything goes because it is kink. They have zero concept or knowledge what this community is actually about. When I educate I get called such colourful words.

[Deleted Member]

Well the ignorant rarely appreciate being told they are, but I’m with you

[Deleted Member]

Once swingers infiltrated kink standards, respect and discipline went out the window.

[ey****]

I mean, it's the old story - it's nothing to do with even Dominance or submission - but the old

1) There are folk (particularly men) who still somehow think fantasy pushing is acceptable - which regardless of any other factor, is not

2) There are a lot of folk (particularly men) who don't read profiles (and before anyone chimes, no bots don't read profiles either, yet, but they have an excuse - they're a bot - they're not a full grown human who should know better - still, we're not far away from bots reading profiles better than men do)

3) Then there are a lot of folk (particularly men) who DO read profiles, but feel any restrictions or limitations (up to an including the other person being in a monongamous relationship) either doesn't apply to them, or is a challenge

4) I'd say this then sometimes exposes those who claim to be experience, to be... well... not... but actually there are some that have argued BECAUSE they are experienced they have a right to take on the challenge, or to save someone from an inferior partner, or so on.  

[Tw****]

Likely AI agents if they are remade instantly. Best solution I've seen for protecting sites from agent spam is to block all VPN hub IP addresses and *** people to use their own IP... That does reduce anonymity though.

[ey****]

mind, etiquette and protocol would also extend to not derailing threads on one subject as another excuse to moan about another. (though that's right - blocking VPN is a big boost, but then blocks browsers like TOR and Brave - as well as people who either wish for privacy or in a territory cracking down on adult content; like most of the US - it also has a risk of false positives which can see people accidentally have the accounts restricted)

[Tw****]

No idea how to actually reply to a specific message on here.

@ducatidaddy that's kinda brutal to hear. Sorry you two experienced that. Some people are so self obsessed in this world. Was the story at least well written? Maybe get revenge by playing out the story with each other? As a kind of snub against the sender 😅

[Tw****]

@OneInAJillian I do agree with you on that. Considering the message templates the app gives you when first contact someone all are about sexual activity/connotations any new person will see it as a sex app...

[Ta****]

I get those unprompted sex fantasy stories a lot. Always cringe. And often worse than a dickpic - dickpics are quick. Thirsting over 600+ words how someone want to fuck "you" (and all the others getting this bad fic) in minute detail. Often starting with a dub/noncon premise "You don't see me, but I follow you in your slutty dress" - which is especially great to receive for all the survivors of stuff like this.

[Tw****]

@TaliX I never realized people are so open about being actual non-con predators... It should make it easier for the drone swarms to hunt them down for liquidation when the AI takes over. what is a dub premise? I'm learning there is so much I don't know 😅