Etiquette

[Be****]

Hi, as a novice, can I ask the etiquette of who should make first contact, Domme or sub? Thank you x

[Deleted Member]

There isnt any etiqutte in that in my eyes if you see a domme you like just message them im sure if they are interested that they wont mind

[x2****]

Depends on the connection but first contact does not have define the dynamic.A lot of so called Doms will come in like a bull in china shop demanding your submission before even discussing your boundaries so as a first message that is not what any one needs but does help you weed out the Christian Grey wanna bees 🐝 .
However if some one catches your attention no reason not to reach out first whoever sends the first message it’s usually the second one that helps you decide if you want to continue the messaging

[ge****]

There is no etiquette in that respect other than being your genuine self, being polite, respectful and considerate, not having false expectations or being demanding etc.
.
Definitely don't provide a list of "wants" in any contact - Dommes aren't kink dispensers there to simply dish out what you want and get nothing in return.
.
Being honest, as a male submissive, it's very unlikely (but not totally impossible) you'll be contacted first by a genuine lifestyle female Domme - BUT you are very likely to be contacted by those who are scammers looking to part you with your *** - so be very wary.
.
I've found the best approach to sites like this is actually *not* to go messaging every person presenting as dominant rather being more selective about who you message, and even then it's often a fruitless task.
.
Find other ways to stand out and get known - the forums are a good way to do this, have sparked many conversations off the back of forum threads, it also pays to have a well written profile that gives people a flavour of you and what you are looking for.
.
Also find local Munches (social gatherings for kinksters, usually held in vanilla venues) to attend - I started going to one just over a year ago and my network of friends in this world has increased dramatically, as has my experience.
.
Good luck! 👍🏻

[Tu****]

Ive not encountered any set protocool. Just be mindful that everything about these relationships begins and ends with respect. Dont be in a hurry. Find your right partner and youll be much happier.

[MK****]

Switcher here, message them first if you are interested. Every Domme I have ever meet says they appreciate subs with attitude and willing to serve. I look up and treat with respect every sub that messages me, even if I am not interested in them.

Open up politely, state your intentions, your kinks, and how you can serve her, your qualities, how can you be useful. Have you read her profile? Is there anyt kink she is wanting to explore which you have experience or can volunteer? Mention it.

Its important to have some profile picture so she can determine if you are the type she is looking for. If you absolutely cant show your face, have a picture of your body with your face blured/cut off.

Be prepared to be rejected or ignored. If she doesnt replies, for the love of God, dont pester her, dont message her again, dont comment on her profile pics asking her to reply. Just move along.

[Cu****]

Until there’s some kind of possible agreed dynamic between the two individuals communicating on here, it’s just two, equal adults. Any honorific, or perceived status, comes later. Also, it’s the submissive who decides whether the person they have been talking with, gives them enough respect, and eventual trust, to bring about an earned submission. Take your time. Ask open, easy questions, in order to discover what the other person knows about a potential bdsm connection.

[Ap****]

There is no right or wrong with who approaches who. If you like someone reach out. Good luck.

[La****]

As far as I know, when it comes to first contact, there is no established etiquette with regards to who should contact whom. Personally speaking, as a male Dom, I do significantly more reaching out than I get reached out to, but those few messages I do receive from subs who might be interested in me I find deeply flattering and meaningful, so I'm by no means against receiving a message from a proactive sub.

[SK****]

Doesn't matter?

[Ch****]

8 hours ago, x2epsilon said:

Depends on the connection but first contact does not have define the dynamic.A lot of so called Doms will come in like a bull in china shop demanding your submission before even discussing your boundaries so as a first message that is not what any one needs but does help you weed out the Christian Grey wanna bees 🐝 .
However if some one catches your attention no reason not to reach out first whoever sends the first message it’s usually the second one that helps you decide if you want to continue the messaging

Well put!! There are also so-called submissive who rage in. Definitely agree on the second and third messages being telling!

[Sl****]

There’s no sort of etiquette in regards to who messages who first. It’s just like any other online communication.

You’ll tend to find men normally contact first just like outside of kink.

But me personally I don’t make first contact anymore on any app.

Just play it how you normally would how outside of kink.

[Ch****]

8 hours ago, gemini_man said:

There is no etiquette in that respect other than being your genuine self, being polite, respectful and considerate, not having false expectations or being demanding etc.
.
Definitely don't provide a list of "wants" in any contact - Dommes aren't kink dispensers there to simply dish out what you want and get nothing in return.
.
Being honest, as a male submissive, it's very unlikely (but not totally impossible) you'll be contacted first by a genuine lifestyle female Domme - BUT you are very likely to be contacted by those who are scammers looking to part you with your *** - so be very wary.
.
I've found the best approach to sites like this is actually *not* to go messaging every person presenting as dominant rather being more selective about who you message, and even then it's often a fruitless task.
.
Find other ways to stand out and get known - the forums are a good way to do this, have sparked many conversations off the back of forum threads, it also pays to have a well written profile that gives people a flavour of you and what you are looking for.
.
Also find local Munches (social gatherings for kinksters, usually held in vanilla venues) to attend - I started going to one just over a year ago and my network of friends in this world has increased dramatically, as has my experience.
.
Good luck! 👍🏻

I agree except for what you put in your profile. Sadly, I have found that if one gives too much information on their profile then they'll get messages from people saying that's exactly what they want and it's rarely the truth.

Just be careful! If you ever have any questions feel free to reach out to someone you trust on here. If you ever get a weird vibe then trust your gut!! The "No Thanks" option is there for very good reasons.

Have fun with it. Reach out politely and see where it goes. 😊

[Deleted Member]

Either or until the dynamic is set later

[Da****]

There are no rules or protocol for first contact. Besides BDSM is a massive umbrella that encompasses any fetish or desire that some segments of society has deemed 'abnormal' (pretty much everything beyond missionary sex). People who try to assign rules to other people whose only connection to them is an interest in something that pretty well say "I don't care about the rules, societal norms, or anything that gets in the way of what pleases me and my partner" is not likely to have much respect for you, or your rules. JMNSHO YMMV

[Ba****]

Ultimately, when making first contact, they are not your Domme. They are a person and your equal. It really doesn’t matter who approaches who, but (and I don’t condone this) current social media norms make it very easy for a woman to not need to make the first move. Not sure how that translates within same sex interactions.

[Deleted Member]

There's no etiquette applicable until and unless a dynamic has been established. Both parties should be respectful and vet properly.

[ge****]

10 hours ago, ChameleonLady said:

I agree except for what you put in your profile. Sadly, I have found that if one gives too much information on their profile then they'll get messages from people saying that's exactly what they want and it's rarely the truth.

Just be careful! If you ever have any questions feel free to reach out to someone you trust on here. If you ever get a weird vibe then trust your gut!! The "No Thanks" option is there for very good reasons.

Have fun with it. Reach out politely and see where it goes. 😊

And therein lies a major difference between men and women on apps like this - absolutely agree with you when it comes to women and limiting profiles for the reasons you have stated - however for men (as the OP is here) the opposite is generally true.
.
For women, a completely blank profile will still attract messages regardless - however for men, a completely blank, or limited, profile will (usually) be seen as a red flag - whereas a well written one won't guarantee a thing, but will serve them better by demonstrating they've given some thought to how they present themselves and their interests.

[Be****]

Thanks everyone for the comments and advice. Much appreciated

[Mi****]

I don't mind a sub making contact first, but what bothers me is when a subby starts telling me what I can do for them or how I can use them or it starts off completely sexual. It's like people that can't get dates on normal apps jump on kink apps to get their one night stand which is fine if thats what theyre looking for but they should read profiles. Some are rude about it about and say ignorant things because you don't give into them trying to use the app for purely sexual gain, but its your fault they don't read your profile to see what you're looking for. I vet subs because I'm still a woman and I prefer not to put myself in harms way or in danger.

[Tr****]

It's a picture of a person on a phone, if it makes your p**sy wet or it piques your interest then say Hi LOL.
That's all there is to it !
Just because somebody's on here doesn't make them one thing or another by virtue.
It does not make a dom a dom or a sub a sub !
Just two people on separate ends of a phone line/internet connection looking for a REAL CONNECTION 👀👌💯💥❤️‍🔥✨

[Tr****]

It's pretty simple, start a conversation as a person.... With a person and see how much you complicate the situation. LOL
How much trouble you can get in....
How much fun you can have?

[Tr****]

If it was as cut and dry as people try to make it, we could just go down to the toy store and get a dildo or a pocket p**sy with a man or woman attached to it..
Open the package, read the instructions.....
And fulfill our kinks and fantasies.
But until AI and invasion of the body snatchers catch up with each other....
Just got to do it the fashioned way and say.. Hello

[Ch****]

9 hours ago, MistressAman said:

I don't mind a sub making contact first, but what bothers me is when a subby starts telling me what I can do for them or how I can use them or it starts off completely sexual. It's like people that can't get dates on normal apps jump on kink apps to get their one night stand which is fine if thats what theyre looking for but they should read profiles. Some are rude about it about and say ignorant things because you don't give into them trying to use the app for purely sexual gain, but its your fault they don't read your profile to see what you're looking for. I vet subs because I'm still a woman and I prefer not to put myself in harms way or in danger.

The amount of people on here that I've had to block and/or report is absolutely insane! Trying to insult me because I don't do what they want is pathetic. Post honest profiles and be real. Say you're looking for cyber, ons, nsa, etc, and don't message anyone with demands, ffs! If that's what you want then message others who indicate the same thing. You'll have better luck that way!
/rant

[Wi****]

Unless you are interested in the Gorean lifestyle, I would say no.
Even in Gorean lifestyle there are ways.
Under regular conditions, if you introduce yourself and show respect, noone should be upset about making contact.
I will say that if you contact someone respectfully and they get angry at you for it , avoid them. They very likely have no idea what Dominant means.
If you are not a slave or you have not pledged your submission to a Dom,Domme, then you should be able to approach any Dom with an introduction or request for advice without facing ridicule.
If you do experience ridicule or anger, depart and don't look back.