Domination

Discover more about Domination and Dominance

Domination for kinksters who love control

Control is sexy, and if you're into domination it can be the sexiest kink of all. For some kinksters, D/s is a lifestyle - but for many people it's simply something fun to play around with in the bedroom, and we're fully supportive of both of those fetish preferences.

If dominance is your thing and you consider yourself a dom or a domme, it's vital that you develop an understanding of safewords, negotiations and enthusiastic consent. Once you and your partners are both on the same page, though, the sky's the limit. Fetish.com's magazine prides itself on its wide range of articles on the subject, so if you're looking for some inspiration you might want to head over there and do some reading up.

What are the limits of Domination?

In BDSM, the ‘D’ stands for Dominance. This is the act of being on top meaning physically or psychologically in charge of the submissive or bottom.

It’s extremely important to have a safeword in order to stop a scene when it becomes too intense for either partner. No BDSM play should be conducted without some kind of negotiations before hand, this can be conducted verbally or some people chose to write up a contract, especially if in a Master/slave relationship.

Not all D/s relationships have the same limits. Some aren’t sexual at all, some are all physical or all mental (online) and some relationships develop into 24/7 - which means the dominant partner is control of the submissive 100% of the time.

Limits can be defined in terms of hard, soft, requirement (must) and time and should always be clarified before play. A hard limit is an absolute no-go for either partner. A soft limit is something one person prefers not to have happen, but under certain pre-agreed circumstances are happy to try. A must limit is when an action requires another action. For example ‘If you flog me and pull my hair, I will want cuddles and chocolate as part of my aftercare.’ And lastly time limits. These determine how long an action should go on. So it might be that someone is happy to be caned but only for a couple of minutes.

What is SSC and RACK and how does it affect me as a Dominant?

SSC stands for Safe, Sane and Consensual. It’s a way to measure your BDSM play. Dominants and submissives alike should question their scene before, during and after play. Is the action safe, is it sane and is it consensual?

However, this isn’t the only measure you can use. When your play can never be considered safe, then you use the RACK rules. Risk Aware Consensual Kink. This means everyone involved knows the risks involved and has consented to be part of the scene. It’s especially used in anything extreme such as breath play and blood play.

It’s incredibly important to keep these measures in mind during every BDSM scene so that you can be as safe as is possible. For a Dominant, it is one of the important ways you take responsibility for the sub in your care. It’s essential for good communication and enthusiastic consent.

I'm into Domination, but how do I find a submissive when I’m new?

First things first, do your research. Look into what a Dominant does, check out the different kinds of kinks you’d be into and prepare as much as possible. If you want to do impact play, practise on a cushion first to get your aim in. Attend workshops at your local dungeons and BDSM clubs and learn all you can.

When you feel you’ve done enough research start looking for a Sub. You can check profiles of people close to you on fetish.com or post a personal ad to find someone into the same thing as you. Be totally honest with anyone you chat to, let them know you’re new. After all honest communication is the key to a good BDSM relationship, well, any relationship in fact!

When does Domination become abuse?

This is a good question that all Dominants should ask themselves from time to time. You need to make sure everything you do is consensual. This means checking every time you play, and throughout the scene. Just because a sub enjoys something one time doesn’t mean they will another time.

Remember there are 2 sides to the coin, that it is a relationship and that you and the submissive have an equal input into everything you do. Dominance has your submissive’s enjoyment and pleasure at heart, if you’re forgetting that at any time then it becomes abuse.

Everyone makes mistakes. Another way to tell a dominant from an abuser is in their ability to accept they made a mistake and to atone for it. If you make a mistake, apologise and make sure that it never happens again. Don’t pretend it didn’t happen or worst still, make the submissive feel like it was their fault. That is abuse.

Domination is far more than 50 Shades of Gray...

First things first: ’50 Shades of Grey’ is a complete and utter misrepresentation of the kink and BDSM community. It masks an abusive and dangerous relationship behind a kinky curtain, which is why so many kinksters remain in the closet. Our magazine has a series of critiques on the films and books. Fetish.com is dedicated to exploring kink and BDSM in a safe way. Education is key to that, please dive into our site, read, discuss, learn all you can about proper BDSM ethics and healthy relationships.

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    Keywords related to Domination

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    Similar to Domination

    There's more than one 'official' definition of what the letters in BDSM stand for, and plenty of people don't agree on their exact usage! However you use the term, though, it's a catch-all way of describing a whole bunch of kinks and fetishes that are more common than many people imagine: bondage and impact play, sadism and masochism, domination and submission. Safety, consent and respect for boundaries are all key in the practice of BDSM, and it's vital to negotiate properly with your partners before getting into anything heavy-handed. Thankfully it's not so hard to learn - most places around the world have their own BDSM communities that are only too happy to take in newbies and help them learn the ropes.
    There are as many ways of describing domination as there are dominants, and some people who take the dominating role in a D/s relationship like to describe themselves as a 'femdom'. Female domination during BDSM play means people who identify as women is the dominant, or the Domme. It often involves humiliation for example with a strapon, and the mistress demanding her submissive to please her in different ways.
    A sadist is someone who derives sexual pleasure from causing pain to their partners - and assuming that everything is consensual and has been negotiated in advance - they can be in high demand amongst the people who love to be on the receiving end (masochists). There are plenty of different kinds of sadism, but they all thrive on one thing: the giving of consensual and well-desired pain. While many sexual sadists are also D/s dominants, this isn't a universal truth; some people are in it for the physical sensations alone without all the mind games, while others are submissives but find that they have a bit of a sadist streak on top.