BDSM

BDSM

Sissy is a very powerful word. It can be used as an insult but some people seek it out. These people are often male submissives who want their Dominant, often a Mistress or Domme to feminize them. It’s sometimes referred to as forced’ feminization but the act is completely consensual. If the person being sissified wasn’t happy at any time they could get the process stopped. Sissification is often linked with humiliation, domination and orgasm denial. It can be something that you do on your own for your own satisfaction too, you don’t need a Dom to have fun with sissification. Cover image: lust4lthr via via Flickr.com CC BY 2.0 license
Discipline is almost universally accepted as a core component of pretty much any BDSM dynamic. For most people it's done as something that in reality is enjoyed by both participants, though there are people who get a kick out of receiving discipline and correction that they don't necessarily enjoy for itself in the moment. Most kinky discipline is physical and pain-based, but that's not the case all the time; many kinky couples use other punishment types as well or instead, such as corner time or writing lines. Certain acts of sexual service can also be used as discipline. Your safeword remains in place, of course, and negotiation and pre-consent is just as vital for these kinds of play as for any other.
Imagine, for a moment, that you're in complete darkness. The hood you're wearing keeps you from being able to hear or see anything, you're gagged firmly, and you're sufficiently confined that you're unable to move much at all. You know your partner has something planned for you - but you don't know what, and you have no way of getting any clues. You won't know what's about to happen until it does, and the possibilities are endless. For many people, this is an intoxicating fantasy - and it's that opening up of possibilities and uncertainty that makes sensory deprivation such an appealing prospect for its devotees.
A sadist is someone who derives sexual pleasure from causing pain to their partners - and assuming that everything is consensual and has been negotiated in advance - they can be in high demand amongst the people who love to be on the receiving end (masochists). There are plenty of different kinds of sadism, but they all thrive on one thing: the giving of consensual and well-desired pain. While many sexual sadists are also D/s dominants, this isn't a universal truth; some people are in it for the physical sensations alone without all the mind games, while others are submissives but find that they have a bit of a sadist streak on top.
It's not uncommon - especially in the kinky world - for someone to process pain as pleasure, and to crave sensations a little rougher and more intensive than are usually considered the norm. These people are often called 'masochists', and while it's important to remember that the word isn't synonymous with 'submissive' (not all masochists enjoy psychological submission, and not all subs are particularly interested in physical pain!) the two often go hand in hand and each category has traits in common with the other. Masochists are the opposite number to sadists, who enjoy inflicting consensual physical pain just as much as their masochistic partners enjoy receiving it.
Genital bondage provides unique and fascinating sensations, particularly for people with testicles and penises. Testicular bondage can be part of enforced chastity, an aspect of genital torture or simply a way to stimulate and include the testicles in your play. Some people find that testicular bondage helps them to control and enhance their orgasms, too. There are devices available designed specifically for this purpose, but it's entirely possible to simply use rope - though you need to be extremely careful not to cause damage! Do your research in advance and learn how to play safely, effectively and for the best sensations you can find.
Nipples are sensitive parts of the body and respond strongly to stimulation. Some people really love all kinds of nipple play. From soft, gentle stroking to nipple clamps there’s bound to be some kind of nipple play for you to enjoy. There’s no need for special equipment, pinching, licking, stroking and biting are great ways to indulge in nipple play. But if you want to get really into it, you could use clamps or suckers or if you’re a fan of pain, staples or needles through the nipple can be fun. It all counts as nipple play, so you have plenty to explore and enjoy.
Chastity is a very common kink and is fantasised about by many people from the perspective of both the chastener and the chaste. For dominant types, it tends to be about control and ownership. A submissive in chastity is at the mercy of their dominant, and can't pleasure themselves without first being freed. For the submissive, it's thrilling because it's another way of being out of control. The ability to use and touch your own body as you see fit is a fundamental thing to have removed and for many, that's an enormous turn-on. There are many kinds of chastity devices such as chastity belts and chastity cages, so experiment a little to find the right sort for you.
A feeling of subservience is an important aspect of BDSM for many. It's often an integral part of the Dom/sub dynamic, and can be vital to those on both sides of the proverbial whip if they want to deepen their relationship and enhance the feeling of dominance and submission between them. In practice, subservience comes in many form: s-types might want to wait on their dominant partners, bringing them food and drink or carrying out tasks at their behest, but it can also be a far more psychological thing that comes from the way the two parties relate to each other. Subservience can be as subtle or as overt as its participants desire, and in many cases is barely perceptible from the outside!
Humiliation play is a cornerstone of BDSM for many kinksters. Some enjoy physical humiliation and being forced to carry out humiliating acts: serving as a toilet, an ashtray or a piece of furniture for a dominant partner comes into this category. Others like to take on humiliating roles, such as that of an animal or a slave. The most common expression of sexual humiliation in kink, however, is verbal. Name calling and insults are massively common parts of many BDSM encounters, and with consent and pre-discussion can add a fantastic frisson to events! Just make sure you negotiate well in advance - people's limits in this area can be super specific.
Suspension bondage is often just called suspension and is mostly done using rope. Although it can be achieved with chains or cuffs too or a combination of all those things. It’s a very advanced variety of bondage that involves the rigger (person doing the tying and suspending) really knowing what they’re doing. It is a risky form of play but one that is very popular because of the way it looks, the sensations given to the bunny and the variety of positions and suspensions that can be undertaken. Taking bondage from tying down to being tied up, literally, your feet won’t touch the ground
Orgasms are great, right? Sometimes though you just want to revel in the anticipation. When you purposefully keep yourself, or someone else from orgasming it’s called edging. A form of orgasm control, the practice keeps you on the very edge of coming. Sexual edging can be indulged in on your own or with a partner. It can be a way to enjoy stronger orgasms or can be a way to show power or control over a submissive partner in a D/s relationship or scene. If you really have fun enjoying the journey and not the destination, edging is definitely your fetish.
Humiliation can really get the motor running, especially for those who love a bit of D/s in the bedroom and other places. A specific type of humiliation enjoyed by mostly men is small penis humiliation (or SPH). It makes the person feel awkward and uncomfortable and that can really be a big ol’ turn on. It’s not something you can really do solo, you need someone to humiliate you. To make you feel you’re your cock really just isn’t going to measure up at all. If this sparks your interest, read on and maybe you’ll find your exacting mistress or master here on Fetish.com.
The vast majority of people who practice BDSM keep their fun and games strictly as a part of their sex life. There's also a significant minority of practitioners who have a kinky relationship outside of the bedroom but in a relatively subtle way; their dynamic permeates many aspects of their lives and is inherently part of who they are as a couple, but you wouldn't usually know it to look at them. A few, however, practice what is known as '24/7' - a lifestyle in which they are permanently in role and permanently overtly kinky. Couples who live this way usually have rituals, modes of address and acts of service that form parts of their daily lives. It's a reasonably rare choice IRL, but a very common fantasy for many kinksters!
If you enjoy being controlled in other ways, there's a good chance that you'll enjoy climax control as well; having your partner take control of your orgasms. It's a deep, primal loss of self-determination that massively enhances any kinky dynamic, and it's something that comes up in the overwhelming majority of BDSM agreements. Orgasm control takes many forms: some people use chastity devices to enforce it, while others rely on willpower alone. For many devotees it centres around the submissive partner not being allowed to climax without first asking for and being given permission by the dominant partner - and knowing that they risk punishment should they transgress.
Real chains don't usually have all that much of a place in BDSM, being as they are heavy and cumbersome and expensive, but that doesn't mean nobody uses them - and there's certainly an aesthetic effect to them that is hard to beat. if you'd like to try them out, have a look around your local DIY shop - they often sell chains of various weights by the metre there, and while you're in-store you can pick up a few padlocks to complete the set with!
Pain and sensation come in many forms, and not all of them require strength or finesse. Much like biting, it can be surprisingly easy to control and inflict pain on a willing victim simply by pinching them - particularly if you choose your target areas wisely! This is a particularly useful trick for dominants who are physically not as strong as their submissive partners. It's not a type of pain that everyone enjoys, but for those who like it it's a great way to subtly work a little bit of a kinky dynamic into the everyday without drawing too much attention to yourself or needing any special implements and equipment.
A staple in so many BDSM porn scene, face slapping is a visceral expression of power and control. It’s also considered edge play because there are many risks involved in hitting the face. So you need to make sure you know what you’re doing before face slapping someone or letting someone slap you. It’s an activity that can be used as punishment or as part of sexual activity, especially oral sex. It can be used to emphasise the power exchange between Dominant and submissive. As there is a strong psychological effect with face slapping after care is incredibly important when it’s employed.
There are a few ways to make enemas a part of your sex life. Many people who enjoy anal sex use them in advance, to ensure that the experience is as clean as possible; this isn't necessary by any stretch, but it can be worth doing if it helps you to relax. For others, enema play is a kink in its own right - related to kinks for bodily fluids, medical play or control, or simply because they enjoy the unique sensations it supplies. Some people make this a part of their sex life and BDSM scenes, while others prefer to experiment with and administer their enemas themselves.
Many kinky people and BDSM fans love a bit of wax play, a method of sensation play that involves dripping hot wax onto someone's body from a lit candle. There are many types of candles to use for this kind of play, and there are many things to be turned off by a part from that erotic burning sensation. It's easy enough to get going with: all you need is a candle, a partner and a bit of time!
The gamut of sexual pleasure is as wide as it is long (hurr hurr), and you can be quite sure there's someone who is turned on by pretty much anything. If your personal deepest desires are a little off the beaten track, you may find that some places classify them as 'bizarre' - but this isn't necessarily a pejorative. So long as your kink is consensual, your kink is okay - and Fetish.com is a great place to start looking for other people who share it. A lot of people who are primarily turned on by the bizarre find that their major outlets for these kinks are solo ones - so why not check out some of the erotic writing in our magazine section to see if any of it is up your alley?
Control is sexy, and if you're into domination it can be the sexiest kink of all. For some kinksters, D/s is a lifestyle - but for many people it's simply something fun to play around with in the bedroom, and we're fully supportive of both of those fetish preferences. If dominance is your thing and you consider yourself a dom or a domme, it's vital that you develop an understanding of safewords, negotiations and enthusiastic consent. Once you and your partners are both on the same page, though, the sky's the limit. Fetish.com's magazine prides itself on its wide range of articles on the subject, so if you're looking for some inspiration you might want to head over there and do some reading up.
Submissives get off on giving away their control over themselves: on being directed and compelled, on following orders and losing agency. Some like to do this through bondage and physical restriction; some by feeling psychologically subservient to a dominant partner; some through pain play. Many like a combination of these things. The key to figuring out a fantastic D/s dynamic is communication--make sure both sides of the equation are getting what they want and what they need, and that everyone is well aware of safewords and limits. Some people enjoy having dominance and submission as part of their everyday relationship, while others prefer keeping it in the bedroom. Either of these kink styles is fine - just so long as everyone is on the same page.
There's more than one 'official' definition of what the letters in BDSM stand for, and plenty of people don't agree on their exact usage! However you use the term, though, it's a catch-all way of describing a whole bunch of kinks and fetishes that are more common than many people imagine: bondage and impact play, sadism and masochism, domination and submission. Safety, consent and respect for boundaries are all key in the practice of BDSM, and it's vital to negotiate properly with your partners before getting into anything heavy-handed. Thankfully it's not so hard to learn - most places around the world have their own BDSM communities that are only too happy to take in newbies and help them learn the ropes.
Bondage is one of the most famous and best known aspects of S&M and BDSM play, and not without reason. Being tied up is a glorious sensation for the right person, and the control inherent in being the person doing the tying can give a dominant partner a heady rush. Ball gags are also commonly used. Sometimes bondage is there primarily to enhance a roleplay scenario; sometimes it's almost an art form, especially when it comes to rope bondage. Other times it's just to make clear the dynamic and have some fun with each other. Whatever your reasons for indulging, make sure you're doing so safely. Learn some knots that don't tighten under pressure and always keep a pair of shears to hand in case you need to release your partner in a hurry.
The term forniphilia was first created by Jeff Gord, an artist who loved to create new ways to restrain women. His extreme restraint style is known as ultra bondage. As part of this he would shape women into actual human furniture. They’d be tightly bound and often have gags. Forniphilia has changed somewhat and now anyone can try it out, whatever their sex and ability. There are many ways to become human furniture, from simply kneeling down and letting someone rest their feet on you to more restrictive ways to become human chairs, hat stands and tables. This form of objectification is popular with kinksters as it can be practised with no specialist kit at all.
Breath play comes in many forms. The most common one is probably choking, but that's far from the only option. You can also hold the mouth and nose shut for a time, indulge in some facesitting, press down carefully on the sternum or try out some specialised breath play toys. Safety is paramount, and there's no way to practice breath play that is entirely risk-free. Make sure that you do your research before you begin, and communicate carefully with your partners. One important thing to discuss before indulging in breath play is the non-verbal safeword. There are many ways to make this work, but one of the most reliable involves three clear sounds from the back of the throat. You can also hold something that will make a noise if you drop it.
Pain isn't just painful - it can be sexy, too. Masochists are the most obvious example of this; they're people who find pleasure in receiving pain, often in quite large quantities. You don't need to daydream about welts and bruises to enjoy the sexual benefits of pain, though - light spanking, gentle scratching and other milder forms of sensation play can provide even the most nervous of newbies with an introduction to the feelings and help them figure out what they are and aren't interested in trying. For anyone with a little more of a feeling for it, a wide variety of implements are a fantastic way to explore your boundaries and figure out what gets you going.
A little bit of scratching is extremely common during sex, be it as a way to heighten sexual tension or an unconscious reaction to extreme pleasure. A lot of people find it extremely erotic, and some have a remarkably strong reaction to the right kind of scratching in just the right spot! As with all things - especially sensation play and anything involving potential pain - it's important to check in with your partner rather than risk doing something they dislike. For some people, scratching forms a part of BDSM and kink. There are a few relatively common toys designed to assist or enhance the feeling, like the pinwheel or the vampire glove. If you think you might be interested, however, it's a good idea to start with fingernails and work up. You might be surprised by how intense the sensation can be without any external assistance at all.
Biting frequently forms a part of kink play and BDSM games. For some people, it's an easy way to cause controlled pain to someone who is not necessarily physically weaker than they are; for others it's a possessive and almost primal act. Whatever appeals to you about the act of biting (or the idea of being bitten), it's important not to break the skin; if blood play is your thing there are safe ways to do it, but biting someone hard enough that they bleed is always unhygienic and never a good plan.
Spanking is probably the most famous kinky activity of all, and millions of people the world over have indulged on occasion. It's generally done with a bare hand; while plenty of people also enjoy getting spanked with a paddle or other tools, this is more often referred to as 'impact play'. Spanking is sometimes used to describe striking someone with a convenient object, such as a belt or a bedroom slipper. Most commonly spanking is aimed at the buttocks, and while other fleshy areas of the body (such as the thighs, breasts or in some cases genitals) can be a lot of fun to spank it's best to stick to fleshy areas. As with all things, do a little research to make sure you're being safe and have a clear negotiation with your partner beforehand to establish what they like, what they want and which safeword they'll use.
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