BDSM

Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism

Safety, consent and respect for boundaries

There's more than one 'official' definition of what the letters in BDSM stand for, and plenty of people don't agree on their exact usage! However you use the term, though, it's a catch-all way of describing a whole bunch of kinks and fetishes that are more common than many people imagine: bondage and impact play, sadism and masochism, domination and submission.

Safety, consent and respect for boundaries are all key in the practice of BDSM, and it's vital to negotiate properly with your partners before getting into anything heavy-handed. Thankfully it's not so hard to learn - most places around the world have their own BDSM communities that are only too happy to take in newbies and help them learn the ropes.

What does BDSM Stand for?

Each initial stands for different elements, Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism and you will see a mix of these used by different people.

What is BDSM?

Erotic practices that revolve around bondage, dominance, submission, sadomasochism and control. BDSM is a huge category that covers everything from a gentle hand spanking and hair tugging during sex to extremes such as needleplay and whipping. BDSM can be practised at home or can take place is clubs and dungeons. Some people are very involved with their local BDSM scene others keep it within their relationship and at home. There’s no one right way to practise BDSM, there are many different approaches.

How can I add BDSM into my sex life?

If you’re curious and want to try it out, then start by adding some lighter activities into your play. Maybe try some light spanks during sex or hair pulling. Invest in a flogger or light paddle if you want to experience a slightly harder spanking experience. You can use every day items such as belts, pegs and ties to spice up your sex life. Use them to attach your partner to the bed, or if they’re up for it, use the belt to administer a spanking. Normal wooden clothes pegs can be used as nipple clamps. It’s very intense so don’t expect to keep them on long first time out!

Always remember consent is key and be sure to know all the risks involved before indulging in a little BDSM play.

Do I need a safeword for BDSM play?

Yes, you need a safeword or non-verbal equivalent for all kinds of BDSM play. It may be that you agree that when you say stop, the person stops. If you think you might say ‘stop’ or ‘no’ and not really mean it, then use a safeword that you wouldn’t normally say during play.

You can always use the traffic light system to check in during play. Green means you’re happy to continue, Amber/yellow means you need them to stop what they’re doing or change what they’re doing. Amber might involve stopping play for a moment to discuss what happens next or may indicate to the top that they need to change implement/area. That is something you need to decide between you before play. Red means immediate stop. Often it is the end of a scene and the beginning of aftercare.

During scenes where you’re unable to speak, if you’re using gags or are trying breathplay, you need a safeword alternative to communicate with the top. This can be a pattern of grunts, dropping something held in your hand or tapping the top. It’s essential that a bottom can communicate at all times.

Threads and discussions that include: BDSM

  • Flexible sadism

    So not really new to this but returning after being in a long term vannila relationship and wanting to see if others share my view on sadism or if there's another term which better explains my take. ...
    • 4 replies
  • Discovering my dominance

    About a year ago I made a switch with my then partner, I love spankings, I would have him to spank me often. He asked how it felt wonderful, I asked if he'd allow me to give him a few spanks, he ...
    • 2 replies
      • 1
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  • Rope/ Bondage Questions

    Hello, all! I have a serious list of questions. 1. Where do I find good bondage rope for a beginner in shibari? 2. What is the difference between untreated and wet treated jute r ...
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    Keywords: dominance, sadism, masochism,

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