Bondage and subservience - discover everything about submission

Submission - ready to serve?

Submissives get off on giving away their control over themselves: on being directed and compelled, on following orders and losing agency. Some like to do this through bondage and physical restriction; some by feeling psychologically subservient to a dominant partner; some through pain play. Many like a combination of these things. The key to figuring out a fantastic D/s dynamic is communication--make sure both sides of the equation are getting what they want and what they need, and that everyone is well aware of safewords and limits.

Some people enjoy having dominance and submission as part of their everyday relationship, while others prefer keeping it in the bedroom. Either of these kink styles is fine - just so long as everyone is on the same page.

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How to try submission for the first time

Submission is a conscious choice to allow someone else to take control over you in a situation. If it isn’t a choice and agreed upon, then it’s abuse, pure and simple. The most important thing is to discuss what you want up front and be honest.

Most of the time it’s a good idea to start out with a bit of orgasm control or a simple role play - for example, a naughty sub needs a spanking because s/he didn’t do what the Master/Mistress said. Or throw a bit of subservience into the mix. A maid or butler must serve the Top and do whatever they command.

Next important step is to pick out a safeword. If you want to play with gags, then find a non-verbal safeword that will work for you. The dominant partner will be in control of the scene. Make clear how long the scene should last and discuss aftercare for all parties involved.

If you’ve got a special kinky idea in mind, talk about it with your partner(s) and see what you can work out! It’s all about communication and building trust.

Bondage play to be a better submissive

Bondage plays a prominent role in the dominant and submissive world, but not all bondage is ropes and chains. It is also a large part of mental control as well. No one way is better than the other, it must be discussed between the partners, what are the expectations, desires and limits.

Depending on your kink rope bondage can be a massive turn on. Or maybe you need to be sat in a corner and told to play with yourself, but you aren’t allowed to cum until the dominant says so. Remember, sometimes the talk first is the best foreplay!

You can use many different materials to bind a submissive. Naturally, rope and chain spring to mind, but you can also use leather, rubber or latex and plastic wrap. You could pervert some everyday items like scarves, neck ties, belts and stockings - just make sure you have safety scissors nearby in case the sub needs a quick release - so never use something you’d be sad if you had to cut it up!

Combinations of physical restraints and mental bondage also make for a good submissive practice, but these require a lot of knowledge about the person you’re playing with, the equipment you’ll be using and a good safety system. Always check in with your partner(s) and make sure they are happy with the scene - physically AND mentally. Take care of each other after and talk about it! Remember SSC & RACK!

A Dom/me wants to push my limits of submission. What should I do?

There are 2 kinds of limits in BDSM play, soft limits and hard limits. Soft limits can be pushed, they are things that you’re not sure about but you’re happy to try as long as it stops straight away if you aren’t happy. Hard limits shouldn’t ever be pushed. Ever.

Sometimes limits change. As you grow and evolve as a sub, you may find you enjoy things you didn’t think you would before. But it’s always your choice to downgrade a hard limit to a soft one.

D/s play does often push limits by its nature. If you feel safe with your Dom/me, then letting him push your limits is a good thing. If you don’t feel safe or you feel it’s not something you’re comfortable with doing then don’t do it. The decision is always yours.

A good Dominant will always respect your decisions and only push those limits you allow them to.

I’m submissive but don’t like pain. How do I make this work?

There are many ways to play with control that don’t demand pain at all. Orgasm control for example is very much an expression of Dominance and Submission without any pain being used at all. Completing tasks, looking after a dominant and letting them command you to kiss their feet/undress for them/masturbate for them are all wonderful ways to play with your submissive nature without the need for pain. Punishment, if you want that, can come in the form of lines, sitting in the naughty corner or not being allowed treats like orgasms again, pain doesn’t have to be part of the play.

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