Concerning collars

[Vi****]

When it comes to BDSM, collars are far more than just accessories—they’re loaded with meaning, history, and ritual. For many, a collar is as significant as an engagement or wedding ring, symbolizing commitment, trust, and the unique power dynamic between Dominant and submissive partners. But did you know there are many different types of collars, each with its own purpose and symbolism? And that the rituals around collaring can be deeply personal, sometimes even public ceremonies akin to weddings?

Let’s break down some of the most common types of collars you might encounter in D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationships:

Training Collars: Worn during the training phase, these mark a period of learning and growth for the submissive. They’re often a temporary step before a more permanent collar is given.
Protection Collars: These signal that a submissive is under the protection of a Dominant, which often means other Dominants will respect that boundary. It’s a sign of responsibility and care, but not always a permanent commitment.
Play Collars: Used during scenes or play, these are the most casual. They’re often designed for function (think D-rings for leashes or restraints) and can be put on and taken off as needed for kink activities.
Day Collars: Discreet and stylish, these are meant for everyday wear. They allow a submissive to feel connected to their Dominant without drawing attention in vanilla (non-kinky) settings.
Permanent Collars: Sometimes called “eternity collars,” these are the most serious and are often given in a formal collaring ceremony. They symbolize a long-term or even lifelong commitment, much like a wedding ring.

But here’s where things get interesting—and where discussion is vital. Not every collar means the same thing to every person or couple. Some see it as a fun part of play, while others treat it as a sacred symbol of devotion and ownership. The collaring ceremony itself can range from a private, intimate exchange to a full-blown public ritual, complete with vows, witnesses, and even contracts.

“A collar in a BDSM relationship often represents emotional security, a promise of care, and a mutual understanding of roles. It is a powerful symbol of dedication that goes beyond physical dominance.”

That’s why it’s so important to ask questions when you see someone wearing a collar or hear about a collaring ritual. What does it mean to them? Was there a ceremony? Is it a day collar, a play collar, or something more permanent? These conversations not only show respect but also help you understand the depth and diversity of D/s dynamics.

Questions for the community:
What does collaring mean to you in your relationship?
Have you experienced or witnessed a collaring ceremony? What was it like?
How do you choose the right type of collar for your dynamic?
Do you use different collars for different purposes (play, protection, daily wear, etc.)?
How do you explain your collar to those outside the lifestyle, if at all?

Whether you’re new to the scene or a seasoned player, talking openly about collars and their meanings helps keep BDSM safe, consensual, and meaningful for everyone involved. So, what’s your collar story?

[Ha****]

I posted a blog about alternative collars because I wanted to hold space for the ways we mark our dynamics outside of what’s considered traditional. My story is one of those. I don’t wear a typical collar. In my long distance relationship with my Dominant, we use bracelets instead. He picked them out for me. He gave me options to choose from, but his only requirement was that they had to be silver. That was important to him. I chose the one that felt right, the one that felt like me.

At first, I wore just one. Later, I came to him and told him I felt more feminine and more complete with two, one for each hand. It was not something he told me to do. It was something I discovered about myself and brought to him, and he welcomed it.

The bracelets are delicate. I have to move slowly when I wear them. I am more mindful and more intentional because of how easily they could break. They have shifted how I carry myself and softened me. They remind me I am his. They remind me I chose this.

There was no formal ceremony, no traditional collar, but these bracelets bind me to him just as deeply.

[Da****]

Great explanation. Thank you

[Sp****]

I learned something. Thx 👍🏽

[Hezzair]

I've never been in a relationship where my partner put as much stock into collaring as that. Collars in my past relationships have pretty much been used for play purposes only with the exception of one Dom who bought me a day collar, but honestly it had very little meaning since he basically mailed it to me and didn't even put it on me himself. That wasn't a last relationship, needless to say. To me, collaring should be a symbol of commitment, but it doesn't need a ceremony or a ritual. If you want all that, go for it. To me, it is more intimate and personal.

[Deleted Member]

I hope to be collared one day 🥹

[Punishersfury]

You know its honestly nice to see that someone was taught the proper meaning of collars I see eternity/forever collars alot and 9 out of 10 times i ask them about it and they have no clue Dom and sub alike cus there self taught

[Vi****]

45 minutes ago, foxxxxy35 said:

I hope to be collared one day 🥹

You'll find someone here, keep looking!

[Vi****]

47 minutes ago, Hezzair said:

I've never been in a relationship where my partner put as much stock into collaring as that. Collars in my past relationships have pretty much been used for play purposes only with the exception of one Dom who bought me a day collar, but honestly it had very little meaning since he basically mailed it to me and didn't even put it on me himself. That wasn't a last relationship, needless to say. To me, collaring should be a symbol of commitment, but it doesn't need a ceremony or a ritual. If you want all that, go for it. To me, it is more intimate and personal.

They can be used for every purpose, but maybe not locking collars.

[Deleted Member]

I prefer day collars, which I have only ever given to one girl. And maybe someday another will ear it. She was only allowed to take it off with permission or in an emergency, and she was protective of it and would never let anyone ever admire it with more than their eyes. As far as other collaring, we never had the need, we used other things around the neck during play time. And due to her work (she was in the military) we had to be very careful about no visible marks from anything. So the day collar was enough. I miss it, i hope someday to have that again.

[Deleted Member]

My collar is self owned and has been for a while as I am solo poly. I bought a 1977 rabies vaccination collar from a thrift store for 50 cents. it is a chunky chain with a small, flat rhombus tag that says the info. The size can be adjusted by letting the tail end hang down and it fits as a ***r and short leash for grabbing. This is sports mode, meant for kinky dates, and my partners know that when I wear it like that, it's meant to be grabbed eventually. I also wear it as a fashion accessory, a complete necklace where both ends close together and it is a looser, chunky chain. No one, and I mean NO ONE asks me what it is about. I am a goth, so maybe my overall aesthetic blends with it, but I only ever get compliments when I wear collars. Even leather ones with rings are just basic fashion accessories now. No one bars an eye.

[Deleted Member]

You can view it in my profile picture for reference, but even as edgy as mine is, I've never had to explain it in public. Not even my friends ask if it is related to sex.

[Se****]

My first dom asked me to marry him. Our plan was to have a wedding (traditional type) ceremony (with a ring) followed by a collaring/commitment ceremony (with a permanent). “Jewellery” that the outside world understood the meaning of, beautiful but not necessary as we already knew the meaning of us. To us, at the time, it was a way to share our happiness and commitment to each other with our more traditional family and friends but also friends who understood the meaning of a collar. The (planned) ceremonies were irrelevant really other than affirmation of our love and commitment to the outside world, we knew we were happy and had committed ourselves to each other with our without them. For various reasons none of this happened.

I love how @HappyFatLady describes the symbolism of their alternate collar and how it affects them on a daily basis. I wear a necklace on an almost daily basis, I fiddle with it a lot especially when I’m stressed or anxious, to have had that placed around my neck by someone who loves, cares for and possesses me would, I think, give a different meaning to it. I believe in times of stress that I would then feel the connection to them and think of myself in the way they see me.

Sorry if this doesn’t really address the crux of what your post was about.

[Deleted Member]

Everything you wrote in this post is factual. Since I asked in my ***s, I knew the ins and outs of collars and how it should be and how it should not be. Unfortunately, my beginning in this community was very tough and a little traumatic so my first experience with a collar was full of deceit, lies, and a lot of distress. Hence, why online domination I will never ever ever do again.
On the flipside now that I’ve learned many lessons when it comes to people in general, I refuse to have a dynamic where this concept is not involved at all. I don’t only desire, but I need to have a permanent reminder of who I belong to at any time of day. For me a collar represents a little more than a wedding ring. I’d rather have the collar first than the wedding ring if I’m being honest with myself, but that’s totally depending on the person that I’m with.
Collars for me are important and vital to any dynamic I’m a part of. I would love to have a collar ceremony with people who are close to me and witness what is happening. I’ve only read snippets of the ceremonies and it sounds absolutely beautiful from just a glimpse. I would even consider adding this to a possible wedding in my future, depending on who’s invited and who is not invited, or a separate ceremony on the side.
Most dominants I seriously talk to about this either laugh it off, don’t take it seriously or don’t care for it. In those dominance are no longer part of it in a circle, except for my friends with benefits. My current partner (he is new to the community)is looking at it and doing some research, but I need someone who is fully invested and looking forward to giving me a collar of their choice.
I even made the decision to practice self collaring, so I do have my own day collar and something I wear that reminds me to take care of myself like any dominant would. I get such envy, seeing other submissives wear collar proudly and having someone attached to it.
So yes, collars are very important to me and the right person has to exist to even get me to that level of pure commitment
This article brought back so many feelings, and I feel like my passion towards this feels vindicated.
And I am looking for another partner, so this partner will have to know that collars are indeed important in our future dynamic

[Deleted Member]

Collars are a huge deal. To me as a Dom at least.

[Ta****]

I've gathered four or five and couldn't care less. Would not be able to remember correctly which was from whom.

[Ta****]

A collar is seductive and has a releasing effect on the sexuality of the wearer.

[ey****]

sigh

another post written by ChatGPT 

[Su****]

I am glad someone takes collars as serious as I do. I hate it when the ritual is all loosy goosey and people are "collared" every other week. The worst was when my Daddy Dom gave me a collar to wear and then took it away from me for his new submissive. It fucking shattered me and he didn't get why.

[Da****]

I take collaring so seriously. I've had partners that wanted me to collar them, but I wasn't comfortable with it. I've only ever ordered a true collar, with permission of the partner, only to have that relationship ended abruptly. Which nearly destroyed me. It's an extremely important. And one not to be taken lightly

[lo****]

8 hours ago, HappyFatLady said:

I posted a blog about alternative collars because I wanted to hold space for the ways we mark our dynamics outside of what’s considered traditional. My story is one of those. I don’t wear a typical collar. In my long distance relationship with my Dominant, we use bracelets instead. He picked them out for me. He gave me options to choose from, but his only requirement was that they had to be silver. That was important to him. I chose the one that felt right, the one that felt like me.

At first, I wore just one. Later, I came to him and told him I felt more feminine and more complete with two, one for each hand. It was not something he told me to do. It was something I discovered about myself and brought to him, and he welcomed it.

The bracelets are delicate. I have to move slowly when I wear them. I am more mindful and more intentional because of how easily they could break. They have shifted how I carry myself and softened me. They remind me I am his. They remind me I chose this.

There was no formal ceremony, no traditional collar, but these bracelets bind me to him just as deeply.

Absolutely beautiful I hope for myself to have that connection, thank you for sharing with us.

[Qu****]

I'm actually currently making a collar for a friend. This is a play collar, but it has a lot of uniqueness built in just for her, not only color & stitching. But I'm doing embossing a symbol that is meaningful to her for it. As a crafter it brings me joy knowing I'm making something that will be cherished for a long while.

[Deleted Member]

This guy: Waxes poetic about collars for 9 paragraphs
Me: collars are hot.

[Ta****]

18 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

sigh

another post written by ChatGPT 

Now you've mentioned it, it's quite obvious.

[Lo****]

There is so much I love about this. A good rule of thumb (etiquette wise) is if you see someone wearing a collar it is usually bad form to just walk up and start talking to them out of the blue. Personally if I am with someone and they have a collar on you talk to me first before talking to the person with the collar. I have had occasions where People would walk up to a sub who was collared and leashed and ask them to go and play. Now I admit I am old school but I took the occasion to teach at first, if it happened a second time I was not quiet or polite about it.