training day: thoughts and reflections on training, conditioning, and the nature of service

[pomonagirl]

Last week i was sitting outside, enjoying the "June Gloom" and having my morning coffee and smoke, when it hit me. That compulsion.

i grab my phone and text Sir.

"Sir MJ, what is it about being outside in this good weather that makes me want to throw off my clothes and expose myself to you?"

A scant few minutes later comes His reply.

"You have been trained to anticipate My needs and desires, and to please Me."

Reading His words...sent shivers down my spine.

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Over the few years i have known Him, we have never been "Official": no contract, no rules (well, not many rules), no laundry list of Protocols and Tasks. No social media status changes or collaring ceremonies.

Yet, even with the "off-and-on" nature of our relationship...even with the (sometimes long) time lapses between play sessions...even without (or possibly, because of) any insistence or expectations on His part...

i have been trained.

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"You have been trained to anticipate My needs and desires, and to please Me."

It was so...validating to read His text. To know that it isn't just in my head. To know that these compulsions i harbor have root in very real training and conditioning.

To know that it is good, and natural, and right, that i have these compulsions.

And to know that it is safe to express and indulge in them with Him.

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But sometimes, i wonder: did He train me, or did i train myself? Sometimes i think that everything that He has ever done or said to me has been to nurture and facilitate this conditioning...this training.

Other times, i think, "Noooo, that's crazy. you're reading too much in to all of this."

Maybe, as is oftentimes the case: the answer lies in the middle. Maybe it has been a combination of His training and conditioning me to respond to Him in certain ways; as well as my natural desire...my need....to serve and please a Man that i admire.

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i have heard that for any D/s dynamic to work, the Dominant has to want to lead, and the submissive has to want to obey.

Maybe that's why the D/s dynamic and Power Exchange between us flows so easily.

He has oftentimes told me that part of my allure as a sub is that i know, instinctively, that submission is not just about sex and spankings...more than whips and a leather collar. It is about obedience and an attitude of service... a willingness to serve.

The nature of my service pleases Him as much as the impetus behind the service.

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It's been a long and sometimes bumpy road for us...for He and i. Thrilling, intoxicating, beautiful.

But also hard...the times He draws back; the times i feel i let Him down. The times of long separation when i find myself alone and in tears; pining for His Dominance, for His presence in my life.

All i can do is hope for time and providence to allow for many more miles shared between us on this journey through life, and through BDSM.

i wish things could be "perfect"...i wish things could be deeper, more solid, more "official" between us.

but then again, maybe if they were, i would take Him more for granted.

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For now, it's been so good...centering, healing...to feel His Dominance and direction once again. To carry out His instruction and to know that it pleases Him. To be allowed to serve and please Him however He allows and deems fit.

It's such an honor. It humbles me and lifts me up.

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"Sir MJ...i am so grateful for Your training, and Your conditioning. For Your use, and Your Mentorship...

"To serve You and to please You remains among my heart's truest desires."

[Deleted Member]

Fantastic.

 

A joy to read.

[pomonagirl]

Thank you so very much JustTheBlockingDom...i truly appreciate your supportive comment!! 

[sw****]

How I would long to have a woman see me in that light 😁

[Leisa]

Having that type of D/s relationship is a beautiful thing and the journey to get there despite the struggles makes the D/s dynamic stronger and deeper. If it wasn’t then there’s not much of a dynamic. There are always going to be struggles even if they are time and distance. Service to your Dominant is a wonderful aspect. Sounds like you have a keeper.

[pomonagirl]

Thank you so much Leisa for reading and for leaving your supportive and insightful comment. Yes...this Master is definitely a keeper and i am so very grateful that He found me....

[pomonagirl]

hi Matt-O-Chist, thank you for reading and for leaving your comment. true Mastery first needs to be Mastery of Yourself. if a Naturally Dominant Man has that---then the right women will naturally want to be submissive towards Him.

[pomonagirl]

So true SadisticSoul86...when i feel like i'm "overthinking" or doubting myself...i remember the things He tells me, and the ways in which He shows me that i am important in His life.