FET have effectively banned age-gap kink....

[Ha****]

 

So about a week ago I noticed that nearly all the new profiles I was looking at said "Sorry, but you can't message this member as they're using message filter criteria. You could send a compliment instead.". This is on all female profiles under the age of 33.

I messaged Customer Support - but no response, so I've done some further investigation.

It turns out that FET are now setting age-related message filters by default on all new female accounts, but not males, couples etc.

No doubt FET will argue that the users can update or disable the message filters, but

a) New users will be unaware of message filters, and the users themselves aren't even notified that the message filters have been set, so even if they are interested in or looking for someone older then they are prevented from receiving messages from them.

b) Even if they did at some point discover this feature and disable the filters how does that help the person wanting to message them? Are we supposed to visit their profile every day to check whether the user has removed the filter? This is clearly ludicrous and unworkable.

[CaraVirt]

Hello @HatfieldMaster

Thanks for raising this — you're absolutely right to point out that the experience with message filters has changed recently, and it’s good to have a place to talk about it.

As part of ongoing updates to improve the safety and comfort of new members, especially women who tend to receive a very high number of messages right after joining, we’ve introduced default message filters on new profiles. These filters are meant as a starting point and include:

• Contact only from members who match the profile's gender preference
• Contact only from members with a profile picture
• Contact only from members within ±10 years of age

These filters are fully optional and can be adjusted or turned off at any time by the person receiving messages. However, you're absolutely right that this might not be obvious to new users right away.

Your point about how this affects communication attempts — especially when the sender has no way of knowing if/when a filter might change — is a valid concern. We’re already passing on this feedback to our product team to explore if we can make the filter system clearer for both sides.

Just to add: new female members do receive a welcome message right after their first login, which includes information about the messaging filters — including how to view and adjust them. That said, we know not everyone reads all onboarding messages right away, so we agree that more visibility and transparency would still be helpful.

We definitely want the platform to support a wide range of kinks and connection styles — including age gap dynamics. The intention here is not to restrict that, but to give new users a little more control and breathing room at the start.

Thanks again for opening up the discussion — and for doing your own investigation into what changed. These kinds of posts help us keep improving the experience for everyone.

Greetings, Carmen - FET Team

[Ha****]

Thanks for your reply, but....

1) "Just to add: new female members do receive a welcome message right after their first login, which includes information about the messaging filters — including how to view and adjust them. That said, we know not everyone reads all onboarding messages right away, so we agree that more visibility and transparency would still be helpful."

Really? As part of my investigation I signed up as a female account to see the process, and don't recall seeing any such message. Maybe it was shown, but clearly not prominently, and because it's only shown upon 1st login then the information is lost, and never read.

 

2) What are you going to do in terms of compensation for this loss of service, whilst you iron out the issues on this clearly flawed rollout because my subscription is essentially worthless at the moment.

3) In your reply you said you welcomed the feedback and a chance to discuss such matters... and then promptly closed the discussion to prevent others from commenting.

[CaraVirt]

Thanks for following up — happy to clarify:

1) You're right that the welcome message could be more prominent. While it is delivered on first login, we agree that info like this shouldn't be so easy to overlook. We’ve passed this along, and the team is already reviewing how to make onboarding and filter settings more transparent long-term.

2) We're truly sorry if the rollout has impacted your experience. We’re monitoring feedback closely and appreciate your patience while adjustments are being evaluated. Any potential compensation decisions would come from the support side, so feel free to reach out there directly if you’d like us to review your specific case.

3) We closed the original thread only to avoid unproductive speculation or pile-on. Your feedback is still heard and forwarded internally — and we always welcome constructive input, even if not all of it stays publicly visible.

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.
Greetings, Carmen - FET Team