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How far is 'far' and how close is 'close'.

BruiseWayne

By BruiseWayne
in Kink Academy

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BruiseWayne

BruiseWayne

Posted
(edited)

Something I've been wondering lately- A lot of folks only want to talk and to interact with potential matches in their area. Understandable of course, that's pretty much the default standard. We all want to be able to see our partner/person/Owner/sub or what have you with as little hassle as we can. It's not all that convient if you're all hot n bothered late at night and you just can't seem to tamp those urges down so you give your D or s a yell to see if they're up so you can get together and do something filthy. If they live even 100 miles or so away that kinda throws a wrench in the whole thing lol. Makes it a bit more involved to plan meet-ups in general and etc etc etc. 

 

Some of us out there can feel like we're a niche within the niche and as a result it becomes increasingly difficult to find people who we not only align with kinks-wise, but can vibe together with on the vanilla side as well. So we don't necessarily limit our searches to folks who happen to be in our immediate vicinity. 

 

I happen to live in a place where public transit, trains, and just driving in general to somewhere even 100 miles away, like say, New York, takes only about 3 hours for me. It's easy, accessible, and reliable. Now that may not even be ideal for me personally it's NBD really to travel that far and that long for someone who really excites and inspires me. Hell, I've bone much much further than that before even. 

 

What I'm wondering is how else ya'll feel about that. How far away would you go? What distance would you say is a reasonable amount to engage in conversation in the first place with a potential match? How close do they have to be for you to even consider it being worth your time to try and get to know them in the first place? And beyond your own personal preference, what do you think is a reasonable distance that you could see yourself going to be able to consider someone trying to get your attention in a DM or something else along those lines? 

 

Really, I'd love to know. :)

Edited by BruiseWayne
spelling etc
mi****

mi****

Posted
When you get someone who AINT even in our Area way beyond a hr Is nuts !
Mr****

Mr****

Posted
I'm an introvert and a bit of a homebody so beyond 30-35 miles can be a push for me 😅 Just enough for the cities near me but not too far that I'd get anxiety on the drive there or back
ja****

ja****

Posted
No considering there's such a shortage of decent matches you got to go farther for it sometimes.
Pr****

Pr****

Posted
I live in the west suburbs of Chicago (Wheaton/Glen Ellyn/Lombard etc.) and I used to date a girl who lived just west of the urban part of Milwaukee.

That's about as far as I'm willing to go, but I think that's a pretty good distance.
BruiseWayne

BruiseWayne

Posted
  • Author

Interesting. See I am too, but for some reason that seems to make it easier for me to travel longer distances to meet up with someone after we've built up a rapport formed a great connection and really just completely mesh and meld with one another in so many significant ways.

 

It really does feel like limiting myself if I strictly seek out someone who's about an hour or less away. Yes it might not be ideal to not able to just go and see your partner when the mood hits, but on the other hand narrowing the area I search in to just people around me can cause me to miss out on meeting someone out there who could be absolutely perfect for me. 

 

If someone is really worth it I'd travel just about anywhere to meet up with them. 

Creativlydamned

Creativlydamned

Posted
An hour or less is pretty much my limit. I don’t have the flexibility in my schedule to travel further on a regular basis. Plus on top of the driving I already regularly do, that would just get old after a while. And I only host someone I know well in my own home because of reasons.
BruiseWayne

BruiseWayne

Posted
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34 minutes ago, jaxboro58399 said:

No considering there's such a shortage of decent matches you got to go farther for it sometimes.

Yeah. Exactly. Even here in a major city where I live I haven't been able to find anybody. So the impractical thing becomes NOT searching outside my area for my perfect match. :)

La****

La****

Posted
Personally, I cannot be too bothered with the distance bcs my preference is already extremely niche enough. I would be left feel utterly broken and dissatisfied if I only go for nearby potential partners whos not a match with what Im into. I cannot sacrifice my preference. The thirst would never be quenched and it would just dig the bottle deeper each time I go for anyone whos Im not really into. It would stranded me into oblivion. Im willing to wait and travel far as long as I got what I need and want.
ja****

ja****

Posted
28 minutes ago, Creativlydamned said:
An hour or less is pretty much my limit. I don’t have the flexibility in my schedule to travel further on a regular basis. Plus on top of the driving I already regularly do, that would just get old after a while. And I only host someone I know well in my own home because of reasons.

Well as with most things when it comes to the dating World women have way too many options to put themselves in an inconvenience.

Ja****

Ja****

Posted
Like everything else in this lifestyle, it depends on the individual. I personally have driven from. FL. to Maine and back over a weekend just to lay in bed with my partner for a night. Most would find that to be way to excessive for themselves, but to me, ill take 38 hrs of driving to have one 18 hr day with my partner, and sleep with them in my arms any day, no question.
Ne****

Ne****

Posted
That's a good question. Based on traffic as well as distance, Two rings around me I consider to be appropriate. The inner ring is anywhere I can get to in 40 minutes. That's close enough to see someone several times a week. But 40 minutes to 90 minutes is a *** in the ass to see but you will feel like you should. So I'm not interested in that range. 90 minutes to 3 hours, you plan weekends. Take Monday off as well. Have an amazing weekend then go home. No expectations to come by after work, or do something spontaneous because it's to far. But when you do see each other it's worth the drive.
Ka****

Ka****

Posted
This is a great topic. I guess I’m torn on my answer. I can say that I live in a tiny town of about 300 people. I have to drive 15 minutes to get gas and groceries. That being said, there aren’t many people present on this app or others of the link variety that live within even a half an hour from me. So I wouldn’t have a choice but to expand the distance that I’m willing to search. In the past I’ve had a Master that was an hour and a half from me. It did make it extremely hard to find time to be with each other because everything had to be planned in advance. 3 hrs round trip got to be tedious quickly for me and the miles on my vehicle and I found myself becoming relieved when he needed to cancel or postpone our time. That was probably an indicator that he wasn’t the right person for me. My current Master lives an hour away. I drive it often. I think nothing of it. We’ve been together for two years. Though I will admit what I’ve spent on hotels I could probably just buy a house there.

Deleted Member

Posted
Distance depends on how I met someone, their approach, the sexual attraction, and interest I had if I pursue them or leave them alone. As a confidant woman I have an aura of dominance around me. I tend to attract a lot of vanilla/sub men which are an instant turn off to me, as I am more Vixen/Little. At one point I had 4 doms spread across the world 1000-4000 miles away. Some I met online, some in person. Most of our play was virtual but once every 12 weeks I would visit my favorite one for a weekend on the beach being dominated until I could no longer stand on my own, then return home relaxed and satiated. The only reason none turned into a relationship is because our personal values and life goals didn’t align the way our sexual ones did.

Play is all fun, but finding that one person who you can be yourself with both personally and sexually in a dynamic relationship/partnership is a whole other level of achievement and desire. Now, I only play with someone if I feel they have the potential to be more than just a casual play partner.
He****

He****

Posted
I guess it depends on how well you connect with someone, then you can gauge if your distances are deal breakers but far from me is outside of Florida

Deleted Member

Posted
Don't forget that travel can be expensive and exhausting and means that you have to leave responsibilities behind. Not everyone has the health, *** and opportunity to travel anywhere and everywhere for the perfect partner. I don't. That probably means I miss out on people who could be great for me. It's not because I'm a woman and it's inconvenient. (Let's bear in mind that women also carry the majority of caring responsibilities which can limit them)

Deleted Member

Posted
1 hour ago, jaxboro58399 said:

Well as with most things when it comes to the dating World women have way too many options to put themselves in an inconvenience.

Do they now

Ch****

Ch****

Posted
I ride a motorcycle, so within a few hours(possibly more) is doable and fun for me! 🤙
Bo****

Bo****

Posted
As a woman living in a rural area where everyone knows everyone, I prefer a little bit of distance, both to avoid awkward situations and for my safety until I know that person ALOT better to invite them into my home.
ey****

ey****

Posted

as a non-driver I'm reliant on public transport and so sometimes things is skewed

so I can get to London in under 3 hours. 

It also takes 3 hours to get to Manchester. But London is double the distance.

Other places which are hypothetically closer are also trickier.

Now, something like 3 hours does tend to be acceptable.  But then there are places where the time and cost sky rockets.

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