Rejection

[Deleted Member]

16 hours ago, Misschrisc744l said:

As a mistress, I will always try to get back to your advances, messages, and attention with telling you I am not interested or at the very least tell you something. I feel it is rude and disrespectful to ignore or ghost ppl in that respect. We are all human and have needs,and if you are on here and say something... you, like me, are looking to fulfill those needs. Have some class, respect, and be decent to one another...say something. On the same note, though...if I say no, please dont continue to harass me about it either. I am a confident and honest woman. When I tell you something, please listen.

I agree that making an effort to acknowledge everyone is the polite thing to do. However time is invaluable, and expecting someone to respond to every message is simply unrealistic. Constantly having to consider the feelings of those whose interest you don’t reciprocate can be emotionally taxing and in itself, quite time-consuming. This is especially true for women who receive an overwhelming number of messages daily (a common experience for many single women online in particular.)

[Deleted Member]

My thing is, im not interested in men, and even after telling people that, they dont let up. I feel like a lot of wasted time would be stopped if people actually read your profile. Like I dont message girls if they dont say there interested in women lol

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, van-wert546 said:

Very understandable but its the reply from the rejection some are saying the rejected gets hateful and offensive so they just stop relying so they don't get treated poorly

The reality is that when you open yourself up to engage with another person, you relinquish control over how they choose to respond. Whether that’s with silence, rudeness, or genuine respect. The nature of any response ultimately depends on the dynamic of the interaction or simply on who the person is.

What you do have control over however, is how you internalise and respond to said reaction—or lack thereof. It isn’t wrong to have an emotional response; trauma and life experiences inevitably shape how we feel. But it’s important to recognise that this emotional processing is your own responsibility, not someone else’s. Expecting a stranger on the internet to offer comfort or understanding when no real connection has been established often signals that there’s deeper inner work that still needs attention.

[Deleted Member]

36 minutes ago, Luna16 said:

My thing is, im not interested in men, and even after telling people that, they dont let up. I feel like a lot of wasted time would be stopped if people actually read your profile. Like I dont message girls if they dont say there interested in women lol

This is always so frustrating! I’ve had similar experiences, usually with men asking about solo interactions or whether we’re looking for a third when all the relevant information to start a conversation is clearly stated in our profile description. It feels so one-sided when someone (man or woman) gets upset over a flat response or no response, yet they haven’t even taken a moment to actually read or understand who they’re messaging first.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, Luna16 said:

My thing is, im not interested in men, and even after telling people that, they dont let up. I feel like a lot of wasted time would be stopped if people actually read your profile. Like I dont message girls if they dont say there interested in women lol

If I view a profile and they're interested in only women, I move on. It is rude and harassing for a man to continue to message you after you've said you only like women.

[my****]

As a wife if this profile is ubderstand a lot. I have had men get ahold of me when I said only women in my profile. It's even more annoying when they try sending videos immediately. I have had someone try pressuring me into getting with him. I have also had someone immediately tell me that he could f*ck me better than my husband (mind you I had my husband's kid). It's very annoying when people don't look through the description or even pay attention to what we want.

The difference is when guys look at the account and don't interact or will message and be respectful when i reiterate that we only want women.

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, myers0414 said:

As a wife if this profile is ubderstand a lot. I have had men get ahold of me when I said only women in my profile. It's even more annoying when they try sending videos immediately. I have had someone try pressuring me into getting with him. I have also had someone immediately tell me that he could f*ck me better than my husband (mind you I had my husband's kid). It's very annoying when people don't look through the description or even pay attention to what we want.

The difference is when guys look at the account and don't interact or will message and be respectful when i reiterate that we only want women.

I'll always pass over those profiles who only want women, can't say that enough. I'm also mature enough to understand no. If others don't then that's their problem.

[Deleted Member]

I think if these dudes get ANY attention online they try to hang on to it by whatever means because so much of online dating for us is like throwing pennies in a wishing well with no response at all.

[Mr****]

Yesterday at 06:26 AM, van-wert546 said:

Very understandable but its the reply from the rejection some are saying the rejected gets hateful and offensive so they just stop relying so they don't get treated poorly

Oh, 100%: but my point was, strangers are seldom owed a rejection. In fact, a second look is a courtesy in itself. Seems elitist to some; but all time is precious as are all interactions. So, when you get one, it only makes sense to be nice. But there are many who show that they have less in the way of manners than a street hound—thus, "expect the worst."
It should not be the expectation that people will treat civility kindly; quite the opposite, that should be an elating and elevating surprise. One's mind is a fortress, chaotic on the interior though it may be. Surely an allowlist is better to keep than a blocklist for such a place, yes?

[ey****]

A little thing also.  Like,  a lot of men will say - like - look - if you're not interested, let me know, give me a reason. So on.

 

Elsewhere on the forum a couple of months ago a lady put up a thread with a problem she was having with a guy she was talking to.  She found him utterly boring - but not wished to hurt his feelings.    Interestingly a lot of guys were like "yeah, if you told me i was boring it'd hurt my feelings" and this lies the problem - you want the truth? can't handle it.    So folk cannot win.  Their choices are (a) tell the truth and hurt feelings (b) just ignore and 'leave wondering' (c) lie to let the other person down gently

Sometimes, you just got to deal with not knowing. 

[Mr****]

15 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

A little thing also.  Like,  a lot of men will say - like - look - if you're not interested, let me know, give me a reason. So on.

 

Elsewhere on the forum a couple of months ago a lady put up a thread with a problem she was having with a guy she was talking to.  She found him utterly boring - but not wished to hurt his feelings.    Interestingly a lot of guys were like "yeah, if you told me i was boring it'd hurt my feelings" and this lies the problem - you want the truth? can't handle it.    So folk cannot win.  Their choices are (a) tell the truth and hurt feelings (b) just ignore and 'leave wondering' (c) lie to let the other person down gently

Sometimes, you just got to deal with not knowing. 

So much this. People like to be "kindly reprimanded or restricted" but that necessitates (again) a favor of courtesy. An interesting duality: we favor directness in the "Yes" but a bit of indirectness in the "No." It says to me that, well, yes, people are fragile. I'm a fairly tough man, or at least decently coarse, and I'd still consider myself fragile. "My will be done," of course: self-perception is relative and often skewed.

I wonder if people prefer self-derived rejections? It's easier to be at peace with things if you can convince yourself that your thoughts on the matter are your own. Curious question, that—but off topic.

[Deleted Member]

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone that took so much time to respond. I very much enjoyed the high level language and professionalism of the chat. I struggle with not explaining rejections as I don't want people to be hurt and I want to teach (because I'm so smart 🤓🤣 #herocomplex). I want to get to a place where I can say no (or silent), receive hostility, and just let it go and not explain or defend. From my experience the reaction tends to be the 'hook' and people feed from the chaos to the point it is their unwanted or unknown mindset/kink almost. I see this with emotional regulation issues. It seems like they have to react that way so they can receive shame, negativity, guilt, etc (dopamine hit). It is not my tea, and maybe not theirs, but it is learned and like any behavior we too can learn and adapt. No one is owed your mind, time, or anything else without your consent, but the trap they set is really good sometimes 🤣

[Mr****]

November 7, MDQC said:

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone that took so much time to respond. I very much enjoyed the high level language and professionalism of the chat. I struggle with not explaining rejections as I don't want people to be hurt and I want to teach (because I'm so smart 🤓🤣 #herocomplex). I want to get to a place where I can say no (or silent), receive hostility, and just let it go and not explain or defend. From my experience the reaction tends to be the 'hook' and people feed from the chaos to the point it is their unwanted or unknown mindset/kink almost. I see this with emotional regulation issues. It seems like they have to react that way so they can receive shame, negativity, guilt, etc (dopamine hit). It is not my tea, and maybe not theirs, but it is learned and like any behavior we too can learn and adapt. No one is owed your mind, time, or anything else without your consent, but the trap they set is really good sometimes 🤣

It's all chess, friend. We play the game of pins and forks, skewering each other's feelings and trading psychological stability for the pigeon-shit of "I told you so" and other self-righteous nonsense.

The dynamic is right where wins are traded for losses and, overall, the score tends toward a draw. Just make sure that you're playing the same game, and that all parties are aware and consent to playing. Or don't. 😉

[wa****]

I just feel rejection is redirection but struggle some much is getting to that point