Lessons in becoming a Master : How you respond and react to a situation, opinion, or statement speaks to your mental stability as a D-type

[Deleted Member]

Lessons in becoming a Master :

"How you respond and react to a situation, opinion, or statement speaks to your mental stability as a D-type."

My mentor used to tell me, in my earlier days of training as a D, that fighting fire with fire only serves to spread the flames. You must be cool and fluid but powerful and unpredictable, like a flowing river, when reacting or responding to others' vitriol and hostility. 

Experience over time taught me how right he was.

I don't think a lot of D-types today resonate with this line of thinking much less practice it. It seems like ego and insecurity rule the roost. 

The resiliency of Dominant men specifically has weakened and so has the honor system we used to run on. People are very rarely held accountable for their actions in a way that proves results anymore or teaches harsh lessons. Especially in the online community. All it takes are a few loud mouthed fools with a flogger standing together on their piles of bullcrap riling one another up by yes-manning one another to death on posts or personally attacking people for disagreeing with them or calling out their opinions and attitudes for what they are projecting as - and BOOM! A tirade of angry and hateful posting begins.

The almighty Dom today cannot, and will not, be silenced. Because today's Dominant man knows so little of humility and grace, he knows only ego and self-serving behavior that affirms (or in some cases, confirms.) his masculinity and 'Dominance'. As a consequence (and usually the result of trying to put these boys posing as men in check,) is that we are met with school yard bully like antics where people personally attack one another on some level and often times don't let up when asked politely and cordially to cease his childish nonsense.

This kind of behavior not only speaks to emotional maturity, but it speaks to emotional and even possibly mental stability. Now, that is not necessarily to suggest that people who struggle with self-control in this manner are all completely mentally unchained. But it does leave an impression that is way less than savory and it often puts quality s-types as well as other D-types of the same quality at a distance. S-types who take value their own personal space will be leery to see value in a Dominant who behaves like a schoolboy when engaging in difficult conversations or heated debates. 

I, myself, was trained in the ways of the “Gentrified Dominant” or otherwise known as the “Gentlemanly Dom”. We are trained in the ways of decorum, honor, respect, integrity, dignity, and compassion with heavy-handed consistency. Think of the ways a formal Dominant would train a submissive to adapt to the same behaviors, that is how we are trained. We have Sirs who are elders that teach us their ways as Dominant men and women. We are beneath them and they lead US to our position beside them. We work tirelessly to earn it, we use proper honorifics, and to anyone who was new to the LS it would look a lot like we are their s-types. But in truth, we began as boys training to be men. If you take a look into the traditions of “capping”, you’ll have a better understanding of this process. In today’s LS, we don’t often see this anymore and I’d like to think that it has cost us a bit. Not necessarily a great deal where we need to panic and mourn losses, but it is rather disheartening to me to see such a decline in formalities that gave Dominants such a special advantage they don’t get to experience anymore. It’s way less about bemoaning a lost culture and more alongside sorrow for the Dominants today who miss out on this treasure chest of hidden logic and experience. I compare it very confidently to discovering a wonder of nature. It’s quite a special perspective that has it’s own trials, tribulations, growths, and knowledge. I wish they could discover it and experience it. 

However, times change and we learn to adapt. As difficult as it is, we accept it and press on. So how I adapt is by sharing these little blurbs and blips with you fine people to take what you will from it. 

In this lesson, I emphasize firmly that self-control is the tree we root in and there are branches that make the tree what it is and we represent that tree in it’s strength and natural glory as D-types. Self-control is a highly important tool in the Dominant’s belt, much less the gentleman’s belt. 

So what ARE the branches that stem from self-control? They are branches you are likely already familiar with. 

If you know the triskele symbol in our lifestyle, you know it’s design represents the leather pride colors and the three core principles of BDSM : 

Mind.

Body.

Spirit.

These are your branches and we will take a moment to examine them for better clarity.

First, we start with your mind. As a Dominant, your mind is your greatest asset and ally as well as your greatest enemy and shortcoming. It depends on what side you cater to most. Akin to the “tale of two wolves” which if you are not familiar with, I will take the liberty of relaying the tale :

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
 
 He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
 
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
 
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
 
So as we see above, the two wolves represent the two comparisons I made regarding assets and shortcomings when it comes to your mind. Which side you choose to enrich and expand will be the side that “wins”. The side that determines your success or failure in your personal growth as well as your journey. All that being said if your mind is not balanced and centered, drowned in insecurity and anxiety, or complacent in ego and self-ishness; then you will be unable to completely plant your roots. You will be unable to lead with a clear head and rational pattern of thought. To add as a caveat, egoistic and selfish minds create some seriously toxic and abusive D-types much less toxic people. I would urge Dominants both young and old trapped in the throngs of egoism to be wary of the sword they swing so proudly in such bravado. Dominant men are not built on stoicism and show-offy tactics. The one-twu-way and chattel slavery nonsense does not at all represent healthy and rational Dominance, either. Selfishness is a monster all it’s own and egoism a poison that works against the Dominant. If we allow our minds to succumb to that, we all lose. One cog in the wheel is now missing.
 
Following the mind, comes the body and it is your mind that sends signals to the body constantly. Each move you make comes from your mind and translates to the body. It is clinically proven that an unstable mind has adverse effects on the body, which in turn can cause your mind to worsen due to being ill. It becomes a cycle. If your mind is constantly wrought with anxiety, insecurity, paranoia, ***, etc.; this contributes to stress levels. Dizziness and lightheadedness are potential symptoms of anxiety. Anxiety can have a significant effect on the body, and long-term anxiety increases the risk of developing chronic physical conditions. The body responds, for example, by releasing adrenaline and cortisol, which many describe as stress hormones. Stress hormones affect your respiratory and cardiovascular systems. During the stress response, you breathe faster in an effort to quickly distribute oxygen-rich *** to your body. Stress hormones cause your *** vessels to constrict and divert more oxygen to your muscles so you'll have more strength to take action. 
 
According to Mayoclinic the long-term activation of the stress-response system and the overexposure to cortisol and other stress hormones that follows can disrupt almost all your body's processes. This puts you at increased risk of many health problems, including:
 

Anxiety

Depression

Digestive problems

Headaches

Heart disease

Sleep problems

Weight gain

Memory and concentration impairment

It is extremely important to pay attention to your body’s signals if your mind’s are not immediately recognizable to you. My mentor often taught me that in times of great stress, it’s important to allow ourselves to feel if we need to. But not properly managing those feelings can happen in the heavier moments in life or in our mental health journey, for those who have extra struggles to deal with. So when we allow our minds to slip, we must at least be diligent in learning how to recognize the body and these symptoms are important to look-out for. Also keep in mind that you do NOT have to have a mental illness to experience anxiety or depression. Life can be heavy for all of us, regardless of diagnosis or lack thereof. So we must be mindful to keep our eyes open for those symptoms and take action so we may lead in good graces and in good health. Our bodies are valuable as is our minds. If we do not care for them, not only are we setting a bad example; we are showing that we have lost control of our ability to maintain proper self-care. That is not a very pleasant look on a gentleman, much less Dominant. Because it sends the following message : 

I cannot even care for myself in a healthy manner, how would I possibly care for you or anyone else in a healthy manner?

Another cog in the wheel disappears.

Lastly, we end with spirit and in synchronicity with the above content we can see that the body having been subjected to a toxic mind over time; is now a very weary spirit. It is nearly impossible to radiate good and healthy energy or muster proper motivation and drive when your body and mind have fallen so ill. It is hard to attend to the needs of your community, friends, s-type, or family when your soul is so tired and you can barely focus or get up in the morning. When every thought in your mind is drowning in sadness or spinning from rapid fire patterns of thought that just don’t slow down or lost in a fit of anger and seething frustration; this is the house that Jack built and he just gave you the keys. You will find yourself extremely hard-pressed to do much of anything when this stage settles in and for those whose house was built on foundations of egoism and selfish behavior or thinking; your house will be even more special. Isolated from those around you, because in the end people always discover toxicity and see it for what it is. Those people, more often than not, run from it like a volcano just erupted in town. Please believe me, you do not want to know what isolation from an entire community feels like. I was there once in my younger years and it was one of the most ***ful, lonely, depressing, and tiresome experiences I can ever recall. A growing *** that I absolutely value now, but at the time I was writhing inside like a slug who just had salt sprinkled on him. 
My end game here ladies and gentlemen, is this :
Self-control cannot exist without taking care of these three major areas and without self-control, a Dominant loses any and all merit. He becomes an “unsafe” player and as much as we love to walk alongside danger with glee, even test it’s limits at times, we always do it safely.
And we run like hell from those who don’t.

R.V. aka FtmSIRx

 

[JayAub]

But if you sit, ponder, stew over and word your vitriol in an essay it’s ok?

[Wo****]

1 hour ago, JayAub said:

But if you sit, ponder, stew over and word your vitriol in an essay it’s ok?

Huh?

 

[Wo****]

@FtMSIRx Brilliant!

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, JayAub said:

But if you sit, ponder, stew over and word your vitriol in an essay it’s ok?

Lol Virtiol?

Methinks thou doth project too much.

[Th****]

One of the best pieces on the subject of Dominance it has been my pleasure to read FtM. We share many core values here and I found myself smiling in recognition of many of your points. I look forward to more. 👍😃

[Deleted Member]

Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

[Phoenyx]

Thank you @FtMSIRx, for that excellent piece---a very accurate and detailed description of the process.  It is quite true, that the BDSM community is filled with far too many attitudes and insecurities.  Still, we can take-heart, that our foibles are nothing, compared to those that I have encountered in the so-called "tech community" .  Or even, the "vanilla" world, at-large.  Just look at the childish behavior of a certain presidential figure, whose initials are D.T..  In many ways, we are a step ahead, as we are actively trying to get a handle on these shortcomings.

In more metaphysical terms, much of the undesirable D-type behavior, comes from one's dominant energy being blocked internally.  People tend to take too many setbacks to-heart.  They internalize such defeats, halting the flow of their dominant energy.  The result of that blockage is stress, frustration, depression, unbearable ***, and inevitable outbursts of anger.  Much of that is the fault of "society", and its demands that all failures be taken internally.  People are individuals, and society is merely the machine that has been created.  One must see past the mental filter imposed by that machine, with its endless baggage of symbolism.  The trick is to see each person as an individual, even when they try to throw society's obsolete prejudices and symbols in your face.

Another blockage comes from trying to hoard dominant energy---often through bluster and bravado.  The true secret of dominance is not how much power one has, but, how much of that power flows through them.  Such power/energy must be offered freely by those around you.  It cannot be simply taken.  Still, that power is only on-loan.  It must be returned, in your own, unique way.  In turn, more power/energy will be offered, which again, must be returned.  Only by maintaining this circular flow, can one attain the true feeling of dominance.  It is a feeling like no other---no ***, no stress, no compulsion to "throw one's weight around".  The feeling is overwhelming in its power, and definitely not what the inexperienced are expecting.

Yes, I fully understand the psychological and physiological mechanisms that have been described.  I just find the metaphysical model to be more handy.  For instance, I have a degree in Electrical Engineering.  Yet, I do no need to call upon that knowledge, to know that when I flip the wall switch, the light should come on.  The metaphysical is merely a simple mental image, that makes it easier to work with a complex process.

There is one point though, that I would like to add.  As this discussion has clearly shown, the way to dominance is not through bluster, bravado, and the venting of one's frustrations.  Instead, the true path to dominance lies in the ability to read and anticipate people and situations.  It lies in staying at-least one step ahead.  Dominance is a flow.  An opponent can block a punch.  But, they cannot halt the flow of a stream.  Still, such power can only work, if it is used for the benefit of others.  A true Dominant will light-up a room, when he/she enters.  They can bring a smile, where there was none before, and offer a bright spot, it what had been an otherwise, "bad day".  Only then, will others offer their power and energy.  And so, the flow continues.

[JayAub]

Friday at 08:04 PM, FtMSIRx said:

Lol Virtiol?

Methinks thou doth project too much.

I owe you an apology. I think I’d taken an extra helping of my tosser tablets the other day and commented before the app had fully loaded your piece and therefore missed the gist. Hope there’s no hard feelings. J.

[Deleted Member]

Are there any Mentors on here who can help new guys ?

[ol****]

I think this sort of forum may negate the need for a mentor.

However, by reading what others on here say you may find a Dom who you would like to mentor you. If you do, then simple enough to send a message.