Don’t Try to “Blow My Mind”

[Deleted Member]

I’ve never felt much physical pleasure with someone in person. I know this is a common struggle for women. I also take a decent amount of SSRIs so I know that can have an effect as well.
Is it okay that I just want foreplay and the fantasy to be the part that I enjoy? I’ll have sex and I’ll do the things that makes my partner feel good but whenever I try to explain to a partner that I’m probably not going to cum they make it their mission to make it happen. Then when it ultimately does not happen I just feel bad and like my body is broken. Is that why I like kinks? Because it’s more mentally stimulating and my brain can be excited by thoughts rather than feeling?

[Deleted Member]

Well, there could be all sorts of different reasons, but.... there's a problem if the goal is to make you cum. The goal needs to be about feeling, seeing, closeness, and touching.... and if the connection feels ***d with expectation or mechanical; If I Y youll X instead of tuning in, slowing down, and closely listening, I also have a meh time

[Deleted Member]

What I do is I require consistent evidence of emotional intelligence. Empathy is required: if his idea of sex with himself is porn and his hand, that's how he's going to treat sex with you, and men who have sex like that rely on *** and crazy props to try and make it more novel because they don't understand a connection deeper than something surface, pornographic, and performative

[No****]

You need need intellectual sex. Aka a Mind Gasome

[Deleted Member]

13 minutes ago, NoToeJOE said:

You need need intellectual sex. Aka a Mind Gasome

She might need intellectual sex...

Or emotional connection sex. And my dear... I'm sorry to inform you... if it's emotional intelligence you need, the men are there that can do that are in extremely short supply

[Deleted Member]

Foreplay is crucial because it builds emotional intimacy, physically prepares the body for pleasure (lubrication, arousal), increases the chance of orgasm, reduces discomfort, and deepens connection by making someone feel seen and safe, transforming sex from a rushed act to a holistic, satisfying experience. It's about slowing down, communicating desires, and allowing the body and mind time to fully open to sensation, releasing oxytocin for bonding. This is why you are looking forward to the foreplay more, and they are not spending enough time on your needs before being concerned about wanting to feel good themselves also.

[th****]

You need to find a man that loves foreplay and kissing and touching who will touch you in the way you dream about.

[Deleted Member]

I believe our respective reasons may be different, but, I don't typically orgasm with or by others, AND I can not stand whenever anybody takes this fact for anything other than what it is: How I Function. And, I am so disheartened and turned off [every sense of it] by those who think they can be the one to make me cum + I've just not had good enough sex + I'm doing it incorrectly + there is something wrong/effed up with me + I'm not a woman + I'm not a real woman + I hate men + I am a lesbian and many more things individuals have said directly to Me.

If there are issues, and there absolutely can be, they can be worked on in one's own time.

ALSO, NORMALISE THAT SOME WOMEN DO NOT ORG*SM the way other women do.

I myself need mental stimulation, and, a lot of it and of the right kinds, for my mind to even want to engage physically with others. I think kink, and in My case, specific p a i n, can and do engage some brains and minds more so than run of the mill se*ual activity.

[Deleted Member]

20 minutes ago, NexumSange said:

I believe our respective reasons may be different, but, I don't typically orgasm with or by others, AND I can not stand whenever anybody takes this fact for anything other than what it is: How I Function. And, I am so disheartened and turned off [every sense of it] by those who think they can be the one to make me cum + I've just not had good enough sex + I'm doing it incorrectly + there is something wrong/effed up with me + I'm not a woman + I'm not a real woman + I hate men + I am a lesbian and many more things individuals have said directly to Me.

If there are issues, and there absolutely can be, they can be worked on in one's own time.

ALSO, NORMALISE THAT SOME WOMEN DO NOT ORG*SM the way other women do.

I myself need mental stimulation, and, a lot of it and of the right kinds, for my mind to even want to engage physically with others. I think kink, and in My case, specific p a i n, can and do engage some brains and minds more so than run of the mill se*ual activity.

People... still... think they know your body better than you do... at 52...??? Im... just. Astounded

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, astrafjord said:

What I do is I require consistent evidence of emotional intelligence. Empathy is required: if his idea of sex with himself is porn and his hand, that's how he's going to treat sex with you, and men who have sex like that rely on *** and crazy props to try and make it more novel because they don't understand a connection deeper than something surface, pornographic, and performative

Good Gourd, THIS. Thank You for conveying all of this. I'd like to throw in a word about how, when confronted with these concepts, the responses I get/observe being used the most consist of Men being insulted and or enraged at the notions, as well as resorting to demeaning ME, claiming I am stuck up, full of myself,

[Deleted Member]

10 minutes ago, astrafjord said:

People... still... think they know your body better than you do... at 52...??? Im... just. Astounded

Apparently!!! I'm not even sure what verbiage to use these days to update relaying these facts to others.

[VZ****]

22 minutes ago, astrafjord said:

People... still... think they know your body better than you do... at 52...??? Im... just. Astounded

That part. And people still think sex is a performance or a competition. OP you’re not broken - i think maybe you need the fantasy to be true, which requires a connection and a man stable enough to just do that and confident enough that you’ll get there when you’re ready - and you’re meeting a slew of men who are just trying to fulfill their own fantasies and win the “made the girl who said she couldn’t orgasm orgasm” prize.

[Fo****]

It's OK if you're not feeling the moment! And You shouldn't feel pressure to perform "your duties".

You're not broken, every woman is different and part of the fun of getting to know new partners is the exploration of the Where's and How's.

[ks****]

You are not broken just need someone who rather take the time to understand you and may need to be a giver or pleaser to you your needs

[Deleted Member]

55 minutes ago, NexumSange said:

Apparently!!! I'm not even sure what verbiage to use these days to update relaying these facts to others.

The proper facts as far as medically understood would be an amazing start. Something alot of men do not give to hecks about educating them selves on. Which is probably the largest problem.

[Deleted Member]

51 minutes ago, VZ45 said:

That part. And people still think sex is a performance or a competition. OP you’re not broken - i think maybe you need the fantasy to be true, which requires a connection and a man stable enough to just do that and confident enough that you’ll get there when you’re ready - and you’re meeting a slew of men who are just trying to fulfill their own fantasies and win the “made the girl who said she couldn’t orgasm orgasm” prize.

I agree with you, the situation looks like a performance problem

[Deleted Member]

Just now, astrafjord said:

I agree with you, the situation looks like a performance problem

I don't mean performance as in how well you fuck, I mean performing a role to exact an expected outcome

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, astrafjord said:

I don't mean performance as in how well you fuck, I mean performing a role to exact an expected outcome

Like if you went to a play and the main actor was terrible at there role, But worse they where carrying the whole play.

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, xSabbyx said:

Like if you went to a play and the main actor was terrible at there role, But worse they where carrying the whole play.

Exactly

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, astrafjord said:

Exactly

Literally where the word in the english language originated might i add rather ironically. 😅

[Deleted Member]

41 minutes ago, xSabbyx said:

Literally where the word in the english language originated might i add rather ironically. 😅

Huh? I don't understand

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, astrafjord said:

Huh? I don't understand

Roleplay is whats being failed at right, that term originated from plays, and in the 1970s became the terminology we use now.

[Deleted Member]

Just now, xSabbyx said:

Roleplay is whats being failed at right, that term originated from plays, and in the 1970s became the terminology we use now.

Oh! Interesting!

[wo****]

4 hours ago, astrafjord said:

What I do is I require consistent evidence of emotional intelligence. Empathy is required: if his idea of sex with himself is porn and his hand, that's how he's going to treat sex with you, and men who have sex like that rely on *** and crazy props to try and make it more novel because they don't understand a connection deeper than something surface, pornographic, and performative

So if a woman’s idea of sex with herself is what goes on in her mind and an electronic device that is how she is going to treat him? Women who have sex like that expect the man to do what crazy electronic devices do because they don’t understand a connection deeper than something surface, fantasies in their own head, and electronic twirls and vibrations?

[wo****]

4 hours ago, xSabbyx said:

Foreplay is crucial because it builds emotional intimacy, physically prepares the body for pleasure (lubrication, arousal), increases the chance of orgasm, reduces discomfort, and deepens connection by making someone feel seen and safe, transforming sex from a rushed act to a holistic, satisfying experience. It's about slowing down, communicating desires, and allowing the body and mind time to fully open to sensation, releasing oxytocin for bonding. This is why you are looking forward to the foreplay more, and they are not spending enough time on your needs before being concerned about wanting to feel good themselves also.

I was in agreement with you until the last sentence. And It may be why she is looking forward to the foreplay more, but there could be different reasons. Also, Your claim that “they are not spending enough time on her needs before being concerned about wanting to feel good themselves also” is a negative stereotype of men that you just threw in there, spreading the stereotype for your own reasons. There’s nothing in the OP to suggest that at all.