Rejection…

[pa****]

Oh my goodness. Why are people not just blocking? I mean if you are not interested just block them? And if someone blocks you just assume they didn't feel a connection or maybe they only wanted to do online stuff and got scared.

[Se****]

Tuesday at 12:54 AM, aberdeen333242 said:

That's my middle name rejection, I'm from the UK and I'm a newbie, but my kink is to be a strict dominant male and have a submissive/disobedient woman pref from the UK for friendship and ltr and to put over my knee for spankings and I prefer women who are unshaved down in a certain area, and I scared petrified of rejection

If you are scared of rejection, I would suggest you work on being a Dom first. That’s not a Dom trait 👍

[Ra****]

The only problem Ive had so far are the men trying to convince me that Im not a straight male. Rejecting allegedly dominant gay men happens.

[we****]

Rejection for me is the fact that I'm older and I was a late bloomer anyway but had excellent teachers so I have a wealth of experience with certain things now that some of the younger women don't find attractive only because of age

[Ha****]

Rejection is simply redirection.

[bo****]

When I get rejected I always say “oh well, at least I tried, have a good one” and be on my way!

[Go****]

Not a good look.

Why anyone would want to be with someone who isn’t interested in them is beyond me.

Just be friendly,
Talk to people,
Be natural,
He’ll don’t even bother propositioning people at all, just let it flow. You’ll find life is grand that way.

And if you’re good to people,
You’ll always know it in your heart,
And you’ll never get a terrible reputation.

[ma****]

All the guys on my list wants sex, meet up stuff like that and some of them wants me to be just theirs only and no one else. I'm 53 and these guys still wants me. Lol

[an****]

Everyone keeps talking about rejection as though it is the disease, it isn't.

Rejection is a diagnostic tool, it is data. It does not diagnose the rejector.

It diagnoses the rejected.

A healthy person doesn't (or should not) internalize rejection as being condemned. Receive it as data, and say thank you (or better be silent 🤣).

Say

Maybe MY behavior needs to change.

Maybe MY presentation is off.

Maybe MY expectations don't match reality.

Maybe MY dynamic isn't compatible with this person.

Maybe 🤔 I'm the asshole 😱

Or maybe this simply wasn't the right fit.

Regardless, I now have information I didn't have before. Be it hidden or vague or ambiguous, rejection is a plenty and if you have your eyes open you can spot the quality control points, you just have to want the rejection to slow or stop badly enough to actually fix yourself.

Do same, expect different, equals nuts 🙃.

The tantrum is what happens when rejection is interpreted as an attack on the rejected's identity, instead of as feedback from reality (see above MY statements). I see this majorly in individuals with no close friends/family (yes it is predominantly males 😬, females tend to be sought after no matter what (probably has to do with 'prey not seeking the predator', but I digress). They (the they, the rejected) latch onto scraps of attention like leaches and get their mouths ripped off (feels like being physically injured/triggered) many times a day.

The begging, manipulation, rage, insults, or further disappearing from society are all attempts to escape the information instead of learning from it. That's why people process rejection differently.

As rejection knows no champion, we all should be asking, 'what does this teach me'? Can I learn from this? Am I the 'cold soup'?

Rejection is not the disease. It is the stress test. The response that tells you whether your identity is built on a real foundation or on someone's approval / validation.

Rejection should be a welcomed companion on the path to self awareness and growth.

Now go forth and harvest those rejections!!!!

PSA:
Just to put it out there, you would be personally better off, psychologically, to throw a praise/positivity tantrum. Sending aggressive positivity and adoration of 'i bet you don't want to talk to me because you are so ridiculously beautiful and talented, you probably smell of lavender and sunshine, I LOVE THAT FOR YOU, you make me want to be a better person, I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY. Because now you are being rejected by quality and value and eyelash kisses and sunshine and you are aligned/rejected below that value. The inversion of this places the rejected below the 'scum' that the rejected describes. This harms both, but the repeating effect harms the rejected in folds as their 'scum' stacks above them.

[JA****]

I have an issue with whay you said about self awareness and growth. I feel that people try to over and over again transform themselves, "fix" all to conform and fit into some people's/persons little box to what? Feel excepted for a moment.

Self esteem issue, easy fix......

This tends to happen over and over again until you find yourself an emptier shell of a person you are now. More the likely still alone seeking further approval.

Work on confidence and self-esteem. Who gives a flying **** about someone's approval. Be real. Do what you like. If you first do not love yourself, for who you are, then rejection is gonna hurt.

In the end how much are you hurting yourself in the long run by becoming a person that isn't you, the person you were is so lost and forgotten that when you look in the mirror you dont even recognize that reflection. Then later you may see a photo of yourself. But you have lots of likes.

The past, old photos, relationships, the hell you have been thru, or your self demise, that is all who you are. That doesn't always define you. But it does shape you one way or the other and is all strength if you make it so. . We are all individually odd one way or the other.
Most conformed people all the popular that someone strives to be, for approval. Most of them are so shallow and have zero substance. They cling together and it seems thats who you want to be. Sure your self-esteem gets a boost but is it based on the real you? Or is it the Avatar she'll from the lies you created.

Do you now feel better knowing "now they except me" there will ALWAYS be something. The birds will pick you apart until your what "they" want.

Face value is Self awareness and honesty you have. Exception is better when its by a person that isn't basing it on superficial junk. That's a farce. Thats why online sites are so damaging. You cant create the person that everyone likes. No point in it.

That is not healthy or logical. Just be yourself. Be honest to yourself, love yourself. If you do not first love you......how do you expect the approval of people that smell desperation a mile away. Then give them the power over you by rejecting you?

Im 54 yr old guy with a blond Mohawk. I dont give a **** who you are. I will comment say hello, or tell you to Kick rocks all the same. Trust and believe there are plenty of people that I know wouldn't give me the time of day because of prejugement. The book by the cover. **** them. It isn't gonna change me or make me a sheeple, just conformed in with the masses so that I might be liked. I love the ones that like you for what you have. How they can benefit from giving you that approval. Its fake. Its all a game. It will physiologically destroy you...

Long short be yourself, love yourself, keep that power to yourself, dont falter, and.....flip EM!

I have D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F tattooed on my knuckles. Dont fall into the *** from feeling invisible. I see you. I can except you for who you are. If I like all of you or not. I have respect for you being real, honest.

So respond I will not dismiss you. Have a great day. Love yourself. Stay strong. Or...
Get a shirt like i have. It says JESUS LOVES YOU. BUT I DONT SO GO **** YOURSELF.
😆 🤣 😂
that is all.

James

First version was kicked back i guess because I used the F word a few times. I have no filter, and that is another example of control. Soooo i am F'ing sorry didn't mean to break the rules.

[an****]

4 hours ago, JAMESISMKNUSQUIRT said:

I have an issue with whay you said about self awareness and growth. I feel that people try to over and over again transform themselves, "fix" all to conform and fit into some people's/persons little box to what? Feel excepted for a moment.

Self esteem issue, easy fix......

This tends to happen over and over again until you find yourself an emptier shell of a person you are now. More the likely still alone seeking further approval.

Work on confidence and self-esteem. Who gives a flying **** about someone's approval. Be real. Do what you like. If you first do not love yourself, for who you are, then rejection is gonna hurt.

In the end how much are you hurting yourself in the long run by becoming a person that isn't you, the person you were is so lost and forgotten that when you look in the mirror you dont even recognize that reflection. Then later you may see a photo of yourself. But you have lots of likes.

The past, old photos, relationships, the hell you have been thru, or your self demise, that is all who you are. That doesn't always define you. But it does shape you one way or the other and is all strength if you make it so. . We are all individually odd one way or the other.
Most conformed people all the popular that someone strives to be, for approval. Most of them are so shallow and have zero substance. They cling together and it seems thats who you want to be. Sure your self-esteem gets a boost but is it based on the real you? Or is it the Avatar she'll from the lies you created.

Do you now feel better knowing "now they except me" there will ALWAYS be something. The birds will pick you apart until your what "they" want.

Face value is Self awareness and honesty you have. Exception is better when its by a person that isn't basing it on superficial junk. That's a farce. Thats why online sites are so damaging. You cant create the person that everyone likes. No point in it.

That is not healthy or logical. Just be yourself. Be honest to yourself, love yourself. If you do not first love you......how do you expect the approval of people that smell desperation a mile away. Then give them the power over you by rejecting you?

Im 54 yr old guy with a blond Mohawk. I dont give a **** who you are. I will comment say hello, or tell you to Kick rocks all the same. Trust and believe there are plenty of people that I know wouldn't give me the time of day because of prejugement. The book by the cover. **** them. It isn't gonna change me or make me a sheeple, just conformed in with the masses so that I might be liked. I love the ones that like you for what you have. How they can benefit from giving you that approval. Its fake. Its all a game. It will physiologically destroy you...

Long short be yourself, love yourself, keep that power to yourself, dont falter, and.....flip EM!

I have D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F tattooed on my knuckles. Dont fall into the *** from feeling invisible. I see you. I can except you for who you are. If I like all of you or not. I have respect for you being real, honest.

So respond I will not dismiss you. Have a great day. Love yourself. Stay strong. Or...
Get a shirt like i have. It says JESUS LOVES YOU. BUT I DONT SO GO **** YOURSELF.
😆 🤣 😂
that is all.

James

First version was kicked back i guess because I used the F word a few times. I have no filter, and that is another example of control. Soooo i am F'ing sorry didn't mean to break the rules.

Personal insults aside. We are saying the same thing.

To self quote "The response, that tells you wether your identity is built on a real foundation or on someone's approval/validation."

Thank you for your contribution x2, sorry it got rejected the first time, that is irritating.

[Pr****]

I'm so glad there's a forum for this, though it sucks that it happens enough to where one is needed.

Every time someone takes my rejection badly and lashes out it just leaves me wondering if I even still want to be on the app. I feel like as a woman in this scene I attract so much unneeded hate and insults from people who have clearly been hurt in the past or have low self esteem. I'm aware of some of the difficulties men face, though I won't claim to fully understand them as I've not faced them myself. I just don't understand why the same people seem to target and harass women in the space then complain there are no women and no one ever hooks up with them

Anyway sorry for the vent, just had to deal with it again 😭

[kinkydarling]

Can I also complain about the people who make a commitment to a relationship or dynamic and then decide that they are just going to ghost you out of the blue?

Idk just tell me it’s over then block me or something if you’re afraid to talk about it. It just feels crazy people 30 and up disappear and leave you wondering if they are ok or coming back?
We are adults I can take it. I just want to know what’s happening so I can move on.

Sorry if that’s not relevant enough. I have had to deal with this issue too but I use the block button when they can’t be reasonable about it.

[an****]

I just received some messages from a sub that was pulling away for whatever life stuff I don't ask about to allow her independentce and agency.

What I want to share is that if we can really wrap our minds around rejection as just one more kink aspect or something, I think we could really 'max' this out or exist within it better.

Since rebound is pretty common, let's try to really enjoy the gushing return, evaluate how our actions encourage/discourage distance and really enjoy mapping it more than experiencing rejection as personal. Especially since rejection is normally only felt by one party at a time. Kink that crap dial up, feel it harder 🤣

My lord did the emotional release of letting go from holding space, letting go of the weight of the delay, letting go of limitless understanding. You know the feeling when you see the 'typing...' or get a notification that was long overdue.

I don't ever change the way I interact, I message when I want, if there is a message to reply to or if I haven't heard from her in 3 months I still message daily. It's actually very freeing.

Now also, I am fully aware and realistic that the entire exchange could just be manufactured lie to get back to sex and the weird-ass relationship that we had previously.

But the emotional freakin release that you can allow yourself to feel is such a high. The spike to value, the spike to self worth, the spike to esteem and ego, the weight of it all instantly gone. And I know better than to feel all that 🤣

I think rejection rebound should be it's own kink 🤔

🚬 🥴 man that was nice