In Bloom

[Mo****]

How does one cultivate such a dynamic and gain that experience or confidence?

I know for some it just is or happens. But for others it's, a burning need that never had the chance to flourish.

I so desire to develop my M/D but am often conflicted between my nurturing and dominatrix side. I end up coming across too nice and it has turned some off. I have not had the opportunity to develop or explore my craft or become the Dom I desire to be.

[FETMOD-TF]

This topic has been approved for genuine advice only. Please refrain from making propositions as they are not permitted in the forum and will be removed. 

[bi****]

I guess this is the defintion of "mommy domme" - someone nurturing and yet controlling too. OK, there are all kinds of aspects to our roles in the kink world, but any relationship should be able to accomodate a fair bit of give-and-take, so if your partners want someone mean, then they were wrong for you in the first place (and I would guess, they were fanatasising about what they wanted anyway). You can be extremely strict and yet nurturing at the same time which might be more than enough for most who want a dominatrix partner. So just explain what you are, what kind of kink you like, and let things develop with those who like the sound of your style.

[DeviantInside]

42 minutes ago, MonaR said:

This is confusing, is this a standard message with open forms? Other than advice no propositions were made. There this is unwarranted.

This is quite a common message on forums. Not aimed at you, just reminding people when responding to the original post that this is not the place to try to proposition the original poster (or any of the other posters). That it’s meant to be a safe place to talk or ask advice without people turning it into something else, this happens a lot for a lot of women. It’s meant to make it so people can feel comfortable posting responses without having a deluge of people trying to hit on them.

[Mo****]

41 minutes ago, bittenkiss said:

I guess this is the defintion of "mommy domme" - someone nurturing and yet controlling too. OK, there are all kinds of aspects to our roles in the kink world, but any relationship should be able to accomodate a fair bit of give-and-take, so if your partners want someone mean, then they were wrong for you in the first place (and I would guess, they were fanatasising about what they wanted anyway). You can be extremely strict and yet nurturing at the same time which might be more than enough for most who want a dominatrix partner. So just explain what you are, what kind of kink you like, and let things develop with those who like the sound of your style.

This was insightful. After meeting a couple subs in person once or twice. I really never got the chance to find my footing. A lot of communication is done most times, and everyone is excited, and in theory, it sounds great. The process is more than we'd expected. I need familiarity to a degree.

[La****]

Perhaps you are a sensual domme like myself?

When I first started I went through a ton of subs who were looking for a kink dispenser and because I didn't know any better I tried to dispense that kink for them. It wasn't until I embraced who I am as a domme (instead of trying to be who they want me to be) and resolved to only accept subs who want to follow (rather than top from the bottom) that I found the sub I was looking for. And it took a long time of weeding through crap to find him, I'm not going to lie. But I was patient and I decided that I would rather have no sub then the wrong sub... And my patience paid off.

[PussyPleaser690]

In my experience with M-D the hard part is sifting through guys initially on these forums, but then when it is found, it starts with a normal date, where the Domme should be clear in her position of control and the sub should be clearly subservient and attentive. The hierarchy is clear. The strict side makes an appearance first to set the precedent and then the nurturing comes when she is pleased with how he serves. If it’s the other way around which sounds like what you are saying by being too nice, it kind of doesn’t create that hierarchy initially which is important. When he knows his place, then he can be nurtured. That’s how the dynamic was cultivated for me at least. I hope you are able to become the Dom you want to be. 

[Co****]

If you wantvto be more dominant for your sake, find a subject who is patient and willing to let you experiment and practice 🤷🏻‍♂️

[no****]

Definitely can relate. Everyone seems to know what they like and want someone experienced. Us inexperienced exploring individuals usually get looked over. I hope you find someone patient enough to teach and help you learn yourself.

[Ms****]

Remember that you get to decide what type of dom you are. You can be nurturing, but you dont have to be. OFTEN most women do not feel free enough to do what they want without the approval of their partner, which makes being a dom more difficult. Keep in mind, you can tell your sub (potential sub) to write out their fantasies or list things they want to experience. Then you get to decide if you 2 are a match for the experience you both want to have. It does take practice, but communication is the key and let's be honest, a place like this is the perfect place to practice sharing information, desires, and see what makes you tingle - if it turns you on reading about it, thats a good sign. Watch femdoms online, watch for mannerisms, style, timing, transitions, these will help you execute a scene. (Hot tip, put a blindfold on your sub, then you can worry less about how you "look" and more about the timing, your words, what you are going to do next... any pause from you wont feel like a fumble, but rather anticipation for them. 😉)

[Me****]

If you naturally are kind then be kind it’s not about just delivering what the other side of the slash wants. It is about symbiosis. My submissive has been by my side for 9 years but I was my authentic self when we started play and continued to develop and grow along side him. Don’t box yourself in or pidgin hold yourself.

I am a nurturing Dom helping my submissive and partner grow, cultivate, and enjoy our time together and listen.

I am a primal hunter that waits for my prey to lay before me waiting to be devoured.

I am a bratty Dom that if I can one up a play partner with some good banter and impact play, I will.

I am a seductress that will drink the lust down as I tease edge and allow my sub to get so close but yet so far away.

Don’t feel you have to limit who you are or just stick to one type or version of what you can be. Sit embrace and think about who you want to be :-) then be the nurturing dom you are for yourself!

Good luck on your journey!

Mel

[Deleted Member]

Mel is spot on. Love you Mel! Always start with your strength. Being adaptable comes with time in. If you are truly passionate about your growth. Education and time in. Some apex/alpha doms love lieutenants… that would be an in person experience. Nothing is better than a great mentor imo. My pm is always open if you choose. No ties.

[Deleted Member]

Honesty, trust and communication. Not always easy to get and sometimes harder to give. Gotta go both ways tho. Unfortunately, not everyone is as ready as they think when they come to the table.

[le****]

Some like myself prefer the softer yet firm dom types. Just be you.

[Mo****]

Thank you all, you've shared some amazing experiences and helpful advice. I am truly grateful 🙏

[Fu****]

Practice with someone willing to work with you. Practice your words and how you say them. Record yourself and watch. Im just learning to so I get it. Luckily I have someone excited to let me Practice. I also find younger guys easier to dominate.

[Sa****]

I am not a soft Domme. However, when I was in the playroom with my ex submissive, I did find myself holding back slightly, even though he didn't have any limits, & trusted me completely. I wanted to give him the *** & pleasure, that he so greatly desired, while also making him look forward to the next session.