How do Doms actually choose their subs?

[Se****]

It’s a question I don’t see asked very often, but one I think about more now than I used to.

When a Dominant has multiple subs, certain factors tend to matter less. Distance can be worked around. Schedules can be balanced. Compatibility doesn’t have to be perfect, just workable within a wider structure.

Monogamy changes that.

When you’re choosing one person, the margins disappear. Fit matters more. Communication matters more. Emotional steadiness matters more than convenience or proximity.

For me, it becomes less about who is available or keen, and more about who feels aligned.

How we communicate when nothing sexual is happening.

How we handle disagreement or uncertainty.

Whether there’s space for honesty without performance.

Whether the dynamic feels grounding rather than consuming.

I’ve noticed that the most compelling connections aren’t always the easiest on paper. Sometimes they take more effort, more patience, more intention - and that’s exactly why they’re worth choosing.

Being selected quickly can feel flattering.
Being chosen deliberately feels very different.

I’m curious how others see this - especially subs.
How do you want to be chosen?

[Xx****]

From my perspective, I want connection and consistency on several levels. I always say that if you win my mind first you win my heart; ie, attention, intent. The vibe is always important. Presence is always important.

[Mi****]

As a woman/female I choose my subs by the respect I’m shown from the start, up until meeting.
Certain factors should not matter less if a Dom/me has multiple subs.
Communication should always matter. Emotional steadiness should always matter. These things should not matter less because of the number of subs. Each dynamic may be different but that’s it.
Being chosen deliberately should be the same for each sub otherwise people can end up getting hurt.

[be****]

Openness and communication are two very big factors when I’m vetting someone. Another is respect shown by a potential sub. Especially when it comes to boundaries. I had one person (whom I made very clear from the get go that I was not interested in taking them on as a sub for a multitude of reasons (biggest one being that they were already in a dynamic) but they chose to push that boundary and when I made the decision to cut ties with them they got ***ed off for a multitude of reasons and try to ***t me as the bad guy.

[Re****]

Unfortunately, I go where my Master puts me and I keep my mouth shut, unless I am using it for other things!

[RO****]

Mine evolved through friendship that through time and truthful conversations, moved into a more perplexed and erotic dimension of dominance and submission. Sounds like a big leap — but the process covered an initial span of 3-Years and deepened as we began to explore more through trust

[Fu****]

As a sub it always starts like and interview. And asserting dominance quickly. Some doms try to convince me im perfect for them regardless of the fact I don't want to make a commitment with anyone beyond FWB at most.

[fo****]

Choose me ;)

[fo****]

Nevermind wrong tab my bad disregard

[Deleted Member]

I have too pick them up and look at all sides then I do a sniff test and then the lick test and if the pass all that the move on to the gladiator round! 🤣🤣🤣 Naw if they like what I like and they Thick and a cutie patootie get a ticket to ride the ride! No height limit we like short as well as tall!!!!

[ey****]

we could spin this on the flip of... how does a sub choose their Dominant....

[HarmonySurprise]

As a sub I think you got to have a connection ,there’s got to be honest,truthful and trustworthy and you must be able to communicate with each other. If you find the right Dom you will want to explore new things and push yourself (that’s me personally) I want him to teach me to the Sub he wants.

[xX****]

10 hours ago, DDBRO2U said:

I have too pick them up and look at all sides then I do a sniff test and then the lick test and if the pass all that the move on to the gladiator round! 🤣🤣🤣 Naw if they like what I like and they Thick and a cutie patootie get a ticket to ride the ride! No height limit we like short as well as tall!!!!

This pulled a real laugh out of me

[Deleted Member]

As a cat wanted to be a pet, I have to say if a dom already has several partners, I will definitely leave them alone. Safety is always important for everyone. I respect myself and my trust is never easily earned. There is no privilege just because someone says they are a dom.

[Bi****]

That's a very good question, I haven't thought much about how I would like to be chosen as a sub. I would hope that it's down to my character, not just as a sub, but also as a down to earth person. In the same way that I look for honesty, openness and trust, I'd hope a Dom would chose me because of these too.

[Su****]

I think it starts with defining what you are seeking in a relationship. Primarily being physical Satisfaction or spiritual Satisfaction. Sexual relief or Companionship/ Partnership. With physical pursuits, the goals are often more lenient morally (specific to each individuals moral standards) and these relationships often exist for shorter times, while those for a spiritual relation are stricter to one's morals and the Desire is for a longer term relationship, to point of possibly being permanent or eternal.
Then, once this is defined, you determine who best fits your needs following what you said, which I seem to agree with, too.
If both parties are clear about each other's Desires for the relationship and these are clearly expressed to each other, then most relationships that do this in Honesty will be mutually beneficial. There's always an "exception to the rule", though.
With a "curtsy and nod" of Submission and Sin cerity,
🐈🦋 KatVana 🌈🦄 ☮️💟♾️
😘😽🙀😹😼😈😻

[li****]

I’ve not really thought how I’d like to be chosen but I do no I don’t want multiple Doms and I wouldn’t like my Dom to have multiple subs. For me it’s about building a connection, trust, honestly ….

[Deleted Member]

lifedom here. character, discipline and capacity to build on common goal outside of the bedroom and compatibility inside the bedroom

[Deleted Member]

The truth is, subs actually choose their doms.. lol

[Mi****]

Yesterday at 09:47 AM, eyemblacksheep said:

we could spin this on the flip of... how does a sub choose their Dominant....

Absolutely!!

[ey****]

6 hours ago, BbcDaddyDomJA said:

The truth is, subs actually choose their doms.. lol

really... it's a two way process. Like any relationships.  Subs shouldn't be sat around waiting for a Dominant to go YOU!  And then lack any form of self worth to go "actually, no" -- whilst Dominants shouldn't necessarily sit around waiting for a sub to try to curry favour and go "you'll do" 

[al****]

As a sub I want to be chosen by a Dom that sees a wild, sexual, and *** creature and wants to give them the space and boundaries to unleash it. I want a Dom who takes his time in pretty much everything he does and isn't pushy. (Lead don't rush.)

They need to be able to push boundaries gently enough to feel when they've reached the edge and back off.

[Sa****]

My ex submissive chose me. He was crushing on me for a while. He tried to let me know in subtle ways. Secretly, I liked him too. One day he approached about punishments. And here we are.

[si****]

Submissive sissy slut seeking dominant women into femdom pegging cross dressing sissification role play pet play anal worship rimming bondage and more, seeking in person play in Los Angeles please

[Ga****]

I've thought about this so many times I can even fathom the amount. In order for a dynamic to function healthy there has to be trust, but how do you build the trust without over stepping each other? Doms and Subs have obvious different wants and needs in the dynamic which is why there are so many different types of submissives and dominates (brat/tamer, rigger/rope bunny etc.) Hard and soft limits are there to guide you but let's be honest not everyone either has them listed nor are they fully aware of their limits. Let's not even get into the real submissives and not those confusing kinks with submissive. Not even to mention the fake doms thinking subs just have to do as told without question or communication or trust. The way I'm seeing things is this is no different then normal dating and it takes A LOT of weeding out to find truth and honesty.