Needing my semi dom to engage

[ch****]

How do I get my wife to fully get engaged she be really interested but then after a day or 2 loses interest or gets bored with it

[Deleted Member]

Seems that She isn't a Domme and doesn't have the same level of interest or inclination that You do or want, and that She's maybe only engaging at all for Her husband's sake. Might also be a cyclical thing for Her. Either way, communication WITH HER and in a safe space FOR HER and with a PROFESSIONAL ENTITY (counselor/psychologist etc) to facilitate and guide said communication so all parties can get in touch with the why's of everything and express them properly.

[ra****]

She probably is not into it and doing it for you. Sounds a lot like my problem with myself i can get into it for five secs but is not my jam.. i haven’t checked your profile yet but if you are monogamous you may want to talk and if that doesn’t work therapy and ultimately either enjoy what she gives when she mentally can. If poly seek an actual Domme.

[No****]

You can’t make someone do something don’t want to do. You shouldn’t be trying to do that. I agree, you need to talk it out properly.

[ch****]

Notti_my_fault I'm not makeing her anything she engages but doesn't stay in it wow some oh you need to read or I wasn't clear enough

[ra****]

5 minutes ago, chris86765686 said:

Notti_my_fault I'm not makeing her anything she engages but doesn't stay in it wow some oh you need to read or I wasn't clear enough

We read it… engaging doesn’t mean she is fully into it or even wants to. I engage I have played actively with subs… and i can do what they need… as it doesn’t fulfill me i disengage quickly because it is an act not me being into it or wanting that per se. I am being GGG with someone I like. Listen to Dan Savage on that. You want to know how to make her engage more… if she wanted to she would. End of story. If you want to do something you do. If you are doing something to make someone else happy you don’t try that hard. Bet it isn’t fulfilling her or her sexual needs.

[Deleted Member]

I think interests can come and go, but perhaps how you have a conversation about it( outside the bedroom) with rules and containers so its not an attack but a criticism not meant to harm but enlighten, think like therapy one person talks the other listens and cannot provide guidance but repeats the same thing back.

I think variety is good and never falling into a habit, if its predictable 4 things over and over be the change you want to see.

Swap it up on the fly in bed, and be vebal about it, get creative

listen to podcasts (together) that teach things like . Speaking of Sex with The Pleasure Mechanics.

Point being if you have to find passion, find it together and never let it get boring or repetition, it could be the kinkiest thing ever you name it, but if its the same in the same way and predictable it gets old.

But start with changing how you communicate so there is an open safe channel to express wants, needs, and fantasies and know the differences.

And in the bedroom be in the moment together and known its never like flipping a switch it takes time and mental foreplay and passion. And if you wind up just fucking vanilla after a day long foreplay session that's OK too

And ask is this work? Or is this play? If its not fun or engaging attempt to figure out what was the expected results, ask what can I change to help you?

We all have things we want to indulge in or fulfill but where is the groundwork to get there. Its in conversations and effective communications.

Good luck I hope this was helpful

[Ma****]

Honestly I'm kike that too. Especially at my age (over 40) I dont just walk around fully always in Domme space. Life stresses me right out and kicks me out of feeling like engaging in anything. Sex or otherwise. Some with anything I need to be turned on and put in the mood sometimes. 100% it helps when my little acts extra little and almost rubs it in my face, sits in my laps, put on my favorite outfit, "look what I can do Mommy" shows off something he knows are my triggers and my *** flows again.

[Deleted Member]

Thats so right! Life usually gets in the way and everyone has a bucket they lug around and everyone or anything that is a burden adds to said bucket mentally and physically.

So it makes it harder to engage or be in the mood and or head space. And I agree using good triggers is an excellent tool and perhaps working on freeing the bucket up even 30 mins of relaxation with purposefully doing nothing to clear out the days residue before foreplay is a massive help. And be patient, its never 24/7 because you have to know its also work for her too if she enjoys it it feels like less work but can be mentally taxing and if you're tired or stressed out even the best of lover will likely pass, I don't think she lost interest at all, or she's paying a head game to make you beg I'm not sure though likely the simple answer is right

[ey****]

unfortunately, there's too much context missing to be able to give an answer.

So anyone's comments (including mine) are going to contain assumptions.

There's a frequent saying that more people would be into Femdom if it actually benefited them. The reason women try and then get bored after a couple of days is often, at it's core, because it doesn't benefit them.  It ultimately becomes phsyical or emotional labour on their part trying to cater to a male fantasy, than anything which elevates them or makes their life easier.  This is something that then falls onto the male sub to be OK... if she is going to be my Domme and is into the idea, what can I actually do to make things good for her? The answer might be in a conversation with each other.

But more than often it will including taking on much more housework, and not expecting playtime all day every day.

[Br****]

29 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

unfortunately, there's too much context missing to be able to give an answer.

So anyone's comments (including mine) are going to contain assumptions.

There's a frequent saying that more people would be into Femdom if it actually benefited them. The reason women try and then get bored after a couple of days is often, at it's core, because it doesn't benefit them.  It ultimately becomes phsyical or emotional labour on their part trying to cater to a male fantasy, than anything which elevates them or makes their life easier.  This is something that then falls onto the male sub to be OK... if she is going to be my Domme and is into the idea, what can I actually do to make things good for her? The answer might be in a conversation with each other.

But more than often it will including taking on much more housework, and not expecting playtime all day every day.

As a femdom this hits the nail on the head pretty clearly

[ch****]

This actually is all helpful thank you I'm open to positive and negative out looks and Neutral. I'm read all this a couple times and understand and take notes thank you guys

[louiseuk]

Yesterday at 07:54 AM, eyemblacksheep said:

unfortunately, there's too much context missing to be able to give an answer.

So anyone's comments (including mine) are going to contain assumptions.

There's a frequent saying that more people would be into Femdom if it actually benefited them. The reason women try and then get bored after a couple of days is often, at it's core, because it doesn't benefit them.  It ultimately becomes phsyical or emotional labour on their part trying to cater to a male fantasy, than anything which elevates them or makes their life easier.  This is something that then falls onto the male sub to be OK... if she is going to be my Domme and is into the idea, what can I actually do to make things good for her? The answer might be in a conversation with each other.

But more than often it will including taking on much more housework, and not expecting playtime all day every day.

I also agree with this comment. Expecting ‘reward’ is very off putting I am not sure how this is playing out but often subs are wanting play and they offer themselves up like a prize. Unfortunately what they don’t appreciate in this type of dynamic is that the dominance is the ‘prize’ which has to be earned. Depends on the Domme this might be through domestic service, chasity or something else that pleases her; unlikely to be sexual. Very very useful toys might end up being used as daily/regular sexual outlets but that doesn’t mean the sub is getting everything on their wish list.

Obviously this is my view from my experience and I’m a hard Domme (sadist). So that shapes my perspective.

My advice would be to try non-sexual negotiation of some tasks and see if you can establish a routine. Tasks like household chores, responsibilities for organisation of activities, car cleaning/charging. Maybe daily weekly tasks with some kind of submissive check in once they are completed. For me I would love this and it would bring the headspace for everything else you are probably craving. Good luck 🤞

[ey****]

I think for me one of the flags is "after a day or to loses interest" - which questions what is being expected of her so quick?!