Opening up

[fa****]

So today a person I'm seeing is curious about trying out me and messing around with another guy. As she watches. Unsure how I feel about it. I do aim to please but if I wanna be serious some day. Should I drop that part of me?

[Ra****]

Don’t do anything you’re not completely into yourself.

[ro****]

No be true to your principles and yourself.

[si****]

Don’t do something you’re not comfortable with. You’re going to traumatise yourself in the process.

[Jo****]

Screw aiming to please, do what’s best for you

[Br****]

Talk about it with her see what it involves..communicate..if you think its worth trying do it if not then dont just gotta be open with yourself and her.. Just my opinion tho lol

[Da****]

Be open and upfront, discuss what it entails, expectations on her part and sleep over it, it should all be clear in the morning whether you want to go ahead with it…

[Fe****]

Be honest with your feelings and needs. If you’re not enthusiastically inclined and consenting, then it’s a no. Don’t abandon yourself, your needs, your dreams. You deserve your hearts content too. Find someone that meets you where you are :)

If you haven’t, write a yes, maybe, soft no, and hard no list of kinks, fantasies, etc. my therapist is having me do this.

[La****]

I agree with Feisty. I had a couple that I was a regular with. They would always nonchalantly ask if he could do something’s to me and I was a bit uncomfortable. As I opened up more I was with a different couple and he just did whatever. I just went with it and the vibe was good. I was comfortable then. Definitely on your time my friend.

[Ta****]

That a slippery slope. Once you taste that thing you may want to try it again and again… you know where that’s going right? Have you heard the saying: you’re who you spend time with?

[Zi****]

Are YOU interested in other men or are you wanting to do this just to satisfy this girl? I wouldn't engage in a kink if it wasn't something I may be into. I know factually im not interested in other men, I would personally reject this request.

[Ch****]

If it’s something that ur not kinky about or interested in it won’t work

[Deleted Member]

Yeah...
Unless you're into dudes (or closet gay)....
Doing something you're not Naturally into for someone else has a tendency to backfire and create problems later.
I'd say "hard pass" unless you're into dudes already

[ja****]

Dude if you're not into it don't f@cking do it.

[mo****]

You can decline! Don’t accept something you are not comfortable with doing. Overall you are not entitled to do anything you do not wish to do or comfortable with doing.

[Deleted Member]

Your profile says you’re bi, so what’s the problem? Is it the part of being watched?

[Ta****]

Oh!!! So he’s bi, that changes the story a lot.

[Ki****]

I've done so many sexual things over the decades to keep the peace or try to please a partner. It never feels good, but it's life. One attraction of kink is the fantasy of saying "no". If it doesn't excite you, you can say that.

[co****]

If you have to ask us what to do I would say you already know what to do or not do I'll say

[Ba****]

What „part of you“ do you mean??
Your desire to please or you reservations??
I mean i don’t see the problem with maintaining both(as long as neither is debilitating) and being „serious“, but as long as i don’t know what you are actually worried about i can’t really tell you not to worry about it
„Messing around with another guy“ can mean everything from just making out to raw dogging so all i can really say at this point is „just go as far as you are comfortable with“ and since it seems to primarily be meant to „entertain“ your partner that makes how comfortable you are with the idea of the situation more relevant than even your sexual orientation, and it’s generally not that uncommon just less out in the open among men

No negative judgement of course, while it would be a clear nope from me if it isn’t as clear for you i would advice give it a try, start small/slow and find out what your clear answer would be if a next time came up

Good luck👍

[wb****]

You should never do anything you don’t honestly want to do.

If you doing it to please her, make her happy, keep the peace; those are all form of ***. Any time you are coerced into doing something then you have not given enthusiastic consent.

As a person who has a loooooooong history of doing things to “make them happy” it’s never worth it.

It builds animosity, distrust, resentment. It’s not how healthy relationships work.

[ja****]

37 minutes ago, wbl51265 said:

You should never do anything you don’t honestly want to do.

If you doing it to please her, make her happy, keep the peace; those are all form of ***. Any time you are coerced into doing something then you have not given enthusiastic consent.

As a person who has a loooooooong history of doing things to “make them happy” it’s never worth it.

It builds animosity, distrust, resentment. It’s not how healthy relationships work.

I will say though there is a difference between doing something that is diametrically opposed to your desires and orientation and then just doing something that isn't really impactful but not your taste.

[ey****]

It feels like the time is not right now

If you are unsure and do it and regret it, you can't take it back

If you are unsure and don't do it... you can always do it in the future.

you should discuss your apprehension 

[Al****]

@wbl51265 that's seriously wise and insightful. respect

[Al****]

putting all kink aside - you should never second guess your gut