Never knowing why people are attracted to me. Question mainly for women.

[Deleted Member]

Throughout my dating life I've never really known why or when people have been attracted to me.
Not that I'm insecure or lack confidence (although that has definitely been the case at points). I just never really know how things have gone from getting on well to them being interested in me.
Nearly every time someone has gone in for a kiss I've been pretty unaware they liked me before that.
I also have a reputation in my friend group for being very oblivious and not noticing when people are flirting with me or hitting on me.
It's led to some strange scenario's where I thought i had made a new best friend because I take people's words when what they were trying to hint with body language and context they wanted more and I've made them feel rejected by just wanting to be friends.
I'm also a very wear my heart on my sleeve and very outwardly affectionate and always say what I think and what makes me happy as I feel I don't always communicate in other ways well.

I guess my question is, from a woman's point of view what would you say I'm missing? Is there an obvious reason I'm missing that people have found me attractive? Or is it tied in with being super oblivious?

[No****]

I sense passige energy. Low self esteem. Go to therapy cause youll improve what you want. Presence attracts what you want. Also maybe too wishy washy feminine. Most women wany masculine leaders

[Va****]

I can empathize with you ive too been oblivious to other people making passes at me. One thing I've found is that is actually in your DNA structure I can recall the exact chromosome or marker but it was discovered in a genomind DNA asa test I did years ago.
Its also been proven in studies that most people dont realize how attractive they are on the individual level "95% of people are more attractive than they think they are" so don't be afraid to aim high.
Get rejected...so what you miss every shot you don't take.
To eliminate self judgement I just assume everyone wants to fuck me and shoot from the hip

[Sa****]

8 hours ago, Nonnahs said:

I sense passige energy. Low self esteem. Go to therapy cause youll improve what you want. Presence attracts what you want. Also maybe too wishy washy feminine. Most women wany masculine leaders

I sensed this too. Great suggestions also

[ma****]

I would say that yes it does partly stem from being oblivious. I have the same as well. I’ve learned to look for specific signs. For women I would say look for touch. women aren’t usually going to touch a person they aren’t somewhat interested in.

[Deleted Member]

13 hours ago, masochist_kitten said:

I would say that yes it does partly stem from being oblivious. I have the same as well. I’ve learned to look for specific signs. For women I would say look for touch. women aren’t usually going to touch a person they aren’t somewhat interested in.

Yeah i appreciate that. It can be challenging in the moment. Often I analyse it after the fact and realise what I missed.

[Deleted Member]

21 hours ago, Nonnahs said:

I sense passige energy. Low self esteem. Go to therapy cause youll improve what you want. Presence attracts what you want. Also maybe too wishy washy feminine. Most women wany masculine leaders

Done plenty of therapy. It's not a self esteem or confidence thing i just seldom notice until after the fact. And never know why people have gone for me in the moment. Not that I don't think I have good qualities.

[Deleted Member]

Based on your aesthetic I think you may just be in the wrong places meeting people. If you went to Emo events you'd connect pretty well with women, I bet.

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, JakeChaotic95 said:

Done plenty of therapy. It's not a self esteem or confidence thing i just seldom notice until after the fact. And never know why people have gone for me in the moment. Not that I don't think I have good qualities.

It helps not to imagine the answer to their why and just get to know them and find out! Being attracted to women gives you that ability- women aren't usually out to get you. If a woman likes you she actually likes you. It's not ulterior motives the way it usually is with men. With men, you'll still need to question everything.

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, purplpeopleeater said:

Based on your aesthetic I think you may just be in the wrong places meeting people. If you went to Emo events you'd connect pretty well with women, I bet.

Most of my social time is at Metal gigs 😌 it's not a lack of connecting. I've never struggled romantically or sexually. Just always been unaware of when people have been hitting on me until the point we've already made out and never really know what they went for me for in the moment.

[Deleted Member]

57 minutes ago, purplpeopleeater said:

It helps not to imagine the answer to their why and just get to know them and find out! Being attracted to women gives you that ability- women aren't usually out to get you. If a woman likes you she actually likes you. It's not ulterior motives the way it usually is with men. With men, you'll still need to question everything.

I don't want to know the why for any other reason than I always want to understand things 😅 I'm always curious to learn more about why things happen.