How did you feel when you started your journey in this lifestyle

[JR****]

I don’t know how everyone else felt or currently feels but I can say I feel a little nervous for not knowing terminology or what direction I should be going. But mostly I feel excited for what lies ahead. I feel like the caged an1mal just got let loose. How did anyone else feel?

[je****]

Very similar for me rn aside from the caged *** being let loose. Mostly just nervous

[Wh****]

I felt excited and grateful that I finally had words for what I’d been craving, looking for. I was overwhelmed, and felt hopeless at times, frustrated by how difficult it felt to find the right partner. I still feel all of that sometimes.

[Da****]

Terminology is definitely a big one. And with all that, definitely overwhelmed. But excited and I know that I want to start slower than the output I'm getting LOL but everybody has been really understanding and made it very comfortable

[co****]

I'm still pretty new to all this and not sure if I can find something that works for everyone. Being in a couple makes communicating super important. I'm personally nervous that someone like me might not be desirable. -T (her)

[Ma****]

I was nervous, and I still get nervous around a lot of new people. But I talked to people, asked for good books to read (not fiction stories), I watched a lot, and I learned. My advice is take your time, find a good local community, and be patient. There's no rush to jump in without taking precautions so you are safe in this community.

[ba****]

I feel similar. But also scared of what I will enjoy. Both having done to me and doing to others

[Se****]

Communication Communication Communication. I can’t stress this enough. What do you want? What do you not want? If you’re not against porn try watching some real life home made videos. They’ll help you decide what you do and don’t want. Then, communication is so important. Whether it’s with your partner or just a hook up. What are your limits? Boundaries? Dislikes?

As for terminology- I had no clue 3 years ago. So I googled the meaning of things. Esp acronyms.

Good luck!

[Ka****]

On 4/21/2026 at 12:54 AM, Maliria said:

I was nervous, and I still get nervous around a lot of new people. But I talked to people, asked for good books to read (not fiction stories), I watched a lot, and I learned. My advice is take your time, find a good local community, and be patient. There's no rush to jump in without taking precautions so you are safe in this community.

I’m glad to see I’m not the only one here interested in a good read! I’ve had a tough time finding quality recommendations in other groups lately, so I’m curious: have you come across anything interesting yet? I’m currently breezing through my third book and would be so grateful if you could point me toward some of your favorites.

[Ma****]

Here's a list of some I have read and liked:
Different Loving ( Different Loving Too is out but haven't read it yet)
The New Bottoming
The New Topping
The Ethical Slut & workbook
Conquer Me
Screw the Roses, Give Me Thorns
SM101
Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook
The Loving Dominant
Radical Ecstasy

[Ka****]

21 minutes ago, Maliria said:

Here's a list of some I have read and liked:
Different Loving ( Different Loving Too is out but haven't read it yet)
The New Bottoming
The New Topping
The Ethical Slut & workbook
Conquer Me
Screw the Roses, Give Me Thorns
SM101
Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook
The Loving Dominant
Radical Ecstasy

Thanks for your reply! I have read 'The New Bottoming' and 'The New Topping' as well, and I can recommend them too.

[Ma****]

Your welcome and happy reading

[mr****]

I was exited at first but, I haven't really got to go on a journey yet because after years on this app, I haven't found anyone. I don't know how people are successful on here.

[Ma****]

27 minutes ago, dodgertown46544 said:

I was exited at first but, I haven't really got to go on a journey yet because after years on this app, I haven't found anyone. I don't know how people are successful on here.

You have to get out in your local community, if you live in a large city. You can join the website FetLife.com and you can look for local groups on it. That website has a lot of groups so it's also good when trying to get more information.

[Me****]

Honestly, I felt pride when I first got into the community; I still do but during your first few irl sessions it’s a nervous experience to say the least lol

[Deleted Member]

Excited and very nervous. Doesn’t help being low confidence and shy. 😂

[Wolfy74]

I just started and I’m very curious excited and anxious as well, there is so much to discover. My brain just freezes when I come across terminologies and abbreviations and I go running to look it up🫣