You will need to offer me more than your body.

[Deleted Member]

"You will need to offer me more than your rear, c-nt, t-ts, and mouth. I could have plenty of that, I do not need yours."

I remember in my early days of my journey when I was more focused on my submission, I was asked this by my Domme at the time:

"What do you have to offer me other than your rear, c-nt, c-ck, and mouth? I have plenty of holes, boy. I don't need yours. You will need to offer me something way less common."

I took offense to it at the time. But in my later years, I feel I have a much better understanding of what that question is trying to do and what it is trying to say.

Firstly, let me start by saying I personally do not feel sex should be the driving *** or the focus of a D/s or M/s dynamic. Perhaps in my youth, I might have had a different opinion. But nowadays, I feel that sex is autonomous. It's nice to have with a partner I love and care for, but frankly I can masturbate and attain the same result. Even if someone could give me a better orgasm, my focus with D/s and M/s goes a bit beyond that. Now don't get me wrong, they call me 'Dirty fat bastard' for a reason! I love sex as much as anyone else, some might say more than anyone else. But again, for me it is not the fuel that runs my Master engine.

From my perspective, when you are asked this by a potential Dominant you are being put in a position to do some thinking. You have plenty of subs and slaves out there who wish to be used right away. They have an abundance of sexual fantasies that accompany their service, and there is nothing wrong with that! However, for myself, in order for me to have a strong connection and a solid dynamic with someone it is highly important for me to go a bit deeper than just a sexual connection or a sexually based dynamic. I do believe sex and passion is wonderful, of course it would be amazing if I met someone I was highly sexually compatible with and we had all the things in common and could fuck all the ways. But ultimately, what I truly cherish is someone who can captivate my mind. Capture it and make my body follow suit, I do not want my body to come first. Don't get me wrong, I do not mind it at all if I find someone who finds me that attractive and it's something they do notice. But if it is the only focus, I am very unlikely to be comfortable with them. I want to be of value to my submissive beyond aesthetics and I want the same for my s-type, whomever they end up being. I also look for D/s and M/s dynamics in a long term setting, focusing on a very strong mental and emotional bond that lasts and is not temporary or only play based. For me D/s, M/s, and love go simultaneously. It is likely I will eventually fall for the person serving me or the person I serve, I would hope vice versa.

If I cannot immediately look at my s-type and feel a connection with you because of your presence, the way you carry yourself, and the way you have instilled in my mind that you are mine and you are dedicated to me, I likely will not be able to bond. I could have as many play partners as I wanted if I chose it, but I do not wish for that kind of bond. I do not need it. I could simply masturbate, go to bed, and be happy.

Is sexual compatibility important? Yes. Is it my focus? No.

That is not to say that I do not have plenty of kinks and interests that do not and will not be applied to my dynamics. I simply believe that once you ensnare my mind and capture my senses, it will be effortless for me to lead you and take you to wonderful planes of sensual exploration.

I loooove the sex, don't get me wrong. But it's so much richer and deeper for me, cerebral and psychological even. Having the structure is so important to me, it is not a side interest or hobby. It is a lifestyle. I need it and I would hope my slave does also.

Consistency, I crave it.

Just thought I'd ramble about that for today.

Edited April 28, 2021 by Deleted Member
To comply with SFW and edit swear words

[Deleted Member]

Loved reading your post and I feel the same thing about cerebral stimulation being such an important attraction to capture ones mind

[Deleted Member]

I get this. I see things in a very similar way. It's more about the play than just having sex. Putting time and effort into a scenario can reward you better. It's trying to reach the point of euphoria is the goal for me

[Deleted Member]

I think it can take some time and experience to reach this perspective as you admit yourself. Not everyone is able to even realise that such a connection is possible.
Is it any wonder most don't even realise how a dynamic could work? So much of what one sees on a site like this and elsewhere - the posts, the photos, the profiles - is about sex.

Most d-types who message me ask what acts/activities I like to start with. (Or just tell me what theirs are and wait for my applause🙄). For a long time, I thought what might make me a better submissive was if I took more *** or gave better oral. I still don't come across many people who speak or write of the emotional and mental connection at all, much less inspiringly. Thank you for writing.

[Ar****]

On 4/28/2021 at 1:36 PM, FtMSIRx said:

If I cannot immediately look at my s-type and feel a connection with you because of your presence, the way you carry yourself, and the way you have instilled in my mind that you are mine and you are dedicated to me, I likely will not be able to bond. I could have as many play partners as I wanted if I chose it, but I do not wish for that kind of bond. I do not need it.

A wonderful read and so true. This part in particular resonated with me.

 

May I respectfully ask permission to share your post with other like-minded people whom I feel may benefit from it, credit given of course?

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Aranhis said:

A wonderful read and so true. This part in particular resonated with me.

 

May I respectfully ask permission to share your post with other like-minded people whom I feel may benefit from it, credit given of course?

Please do! I highly enjoy exchanging and education. I'd be honored.

[Ar****]

3 hours ago, FtMSIRx said:

Please do! I highly enjoy exchanging and education. I'd be honored.

Thank you 😊

[Deleted Member]

15 hours ago, Aranhis said:

Thank you 😊

My pleasure. Thank you for asking!

[Deleted Member]

Yesterday at 08:43 AM, Curvykate said:

I think it can take some time and experience to reach this perspective as you admit yourself. Not everyone is able to even realise that such a connection is possible.
Is it any wonder most don't even realise how a dynamic could work? So much of what one sees on a site like this and elsewhere - the posts, the photos, the profiles - is about sex.

Most d-types who message me ask what acts/activities I like to start with. (Or just tell me what theirs are and wait for my applause🙄). For a long time, I thought what might make me a better submissive was if I took more *** or gave better oral. I still don't come across many people who speak or write of the emotional and mental connection at all, much less inspiringly. Thank you for writing.

I am going to add "pauses for applause" to my conversations now.
(Wholeheartedly agreeing with your comment tho.)

[Deleted Member]

9 hours ago, BroodyJudy said:

I am going to add "pauses for applause" to my conversations now.
(Wholeheartedly agreeing with your comment tho.)

🤣 👏🏻👏🏻

[ne****]

I love the way you think! You expressed my believe wonderful As a newbie, it’s refreshing to hear I’m not the only kinkster that wants a deeper connection. Thanks

[de****]

Consistency has become a rare trait to find in a person these days- but the whole post was well stated!

[Deleted Member]

This is exactly how I feel about D/s

[Th****]

That was a great piece FtM, could not agree more.

I particularly loved the phrase "ensnare my mind and capture my senses." this really resonated with me.

It made me think of the whole tantric angle as well.

Bravo my friend 👏👏👏

[sw****]

I think every newbie should read this, it would educate them of the importance of having a connection. 
 

thank you for sharing your thoughts.