Could a relationship not be 100/ 0%?

[wi****]

Should all Dom/sub relationships be 100% Dom says and sub does or could there be a slight give and take where talking before the meet things are agreed? What's your view?

[Th****]

It depends on what one is looking for or the dynamic you agree to. D/s is not by the books. Yes there are rules one follows but it is the agreement you have or the deepening connection you build. As long as you have safety and protocol the relationship is what you make it to be.

[Ir****]

This is a great way to word this and a great discussion I’d love to have with a lot of people in this community. It seems very much a Dom has to forgo and forgive a lot of common things like bad manners and social faux pas under the guise of “brat” and “sub” and “handle me”. It becomes their fault a lot of the times for being a bad Dom. I myself, don’t consider myself a Dom, because of how many bad interactions I’ve had, have shaken my confidence. It seems we’re all one bratty bad mannered moment away from being kicked to the curb. And we can’t talk about it.

[un****]

it can be but thats not for everyone you need to find what works for you personally i’d say its probably 85-90% me(and to preface i’m the dom) and 10-15% her but none of these numbers are set in stone they could go higher they could go lower it really depends on the day sometimes you need to pick up the slack sometimes they need to pick up the slack not every day is going to be perfect and its not going to live up to whatever your ideal may be but you need to be able to communicate when these things happen and support needs to be given as need i could go on significantly longer because this is a complex topic but thats my spiel for today

[my****]

6 minutes ago, IrishPride9 said:

This is a great way to word this and a great discussion I’d love to have with a lot of people in this community. It seems very much a Dom has to forgo and forgive a lot of common things like bad manners and social faux pas under the guise of “brat” and “sub” and “handle me”. It becomes their fault a lot of the times for being a bad Dom. I myself, don’t consider myself a Dom, because of how many bad interactions I’ve had, have shaken my confidence. It seems we’re all one bratty bad mannered moment away from being kicked to the curb. And we can’t talk about it.

Stop looking at brats. Seems a shame that it shook your confidence but that’s something you need to work on.

I am very upfront about not entering dynamics with brats.

[Ir****]

3 minutes ago, mythicalman said:

Stop looking at brats. Seems a shame that it shook your confidence but that’s something you need to work on.

I am very upfront about not entering dynamics with brats.

Well I am now, and I’m wary. The problem is you either find out too late, that they’re using a kink term to hide their poor social skills, or you take the risk that it’s actually a defense mechanism and they say they can be bratty, but around you, you’ve never seen it because you develop trust.
I still will not consider myself a traditional Dom. It’s a lot easier to just not use Kink terminology and instead use traditional terms.

[Do****]

21 minutes ago, IrishPride9 said:

This is a great way to word this and a great discussion I’d love to have with a lot of people in this community. It seems very much a Dom has to forgo and forgive a lot of common things like bad manners and social faux pas under the guise of “brat” and “sub” and “handle me”. It becomes their fault a lot of the times for being a bad Dom. I myself, don’t consider myself a Dom, because of how many bad interactions I’ve had, have shaken my confidence. It seems we’re all one bratty bad mannered moment away from being kicked to the curb. And we can’t talk about it.

Honestly if you let a Brat shake your confidence then you are not a Traditional Dom. Cause a Brat is one who is a Sub by nature but like to push the envelope and see what they can get away with. How far they can push you before you tell them enough is enough. Does it need to be done with a paddle, flogger or can it be done with a look, a smirk, a breath. That there is what tells you if your a Dom or not. In the end, if you cant have a Brat push back a little then you where never meant to try and say you where a Dom, but maybe if your even truly lucky a Switch.

[Daddybrains]

It’s whatever satisfies both (all…) of the people involved. You could also think of this as switching roles: it’s always the dom that gives the orders, always the top that does the stimulating, always the master that determines the rights - but the person in that role at any moment could vary if the dynamic allows it.

[Ir****]

29 minutes ago, Dom4Fun420 said:

Honestly if you let a Brat shake your confidence then you are not a Traditional Dom. Cause a Brat is one who is a Sub by nature but like to push the envelope and see what they can get away with. How far they can push you before you tell them enough is enough. Does it need to be done with a paddle, flogger or can it be done with a look, a smirk, a breath. That there is what tells you if your a Dom or not. In the end, if you cant have a Brat push back a little then you where never meant to try and say you where a Dom, but maybe if your even truly lucky a Switch.

It seems most of my point is being lost here, but to reiterate, it’s the people who use these terms and aren’t looking to be controlled or punished. Which then in turn causes this confusion for me and others. To be a Dom, or considered one, you can never question the status quo and “subs” and “brats” actually control the space.

[un****]

7 minutes ago, IrishPride9 said:

It seems most of my point is being lost here, but to reiterate, it’s the people who use these terms and aren’t looking to be controlled or punished. Which then in turn causes this confusion for me and others. To be a Dom, or considered one, you can never question the status quo and “subs” and “brats” actually control the space.

to be completely fair this is an issue for both sides i’ve found both subs and other doms who after a probing conversation turn out to not be what they claim to be either to hide their own abhorrent behavior or that they do not yet understand the terms within the kink community and where in that hierarchy they fall(which is fine this is a learning process you aren’t expected to know exactly what you are immediately) and that then requires you to have a decent bit of discernment when interacting with individuals to figure out if they’re actually what they say they are, if they’re trying to figure out what they are or if they’re using kink terms to hide their bad behavior.

[Sq****]

You can set up your dynamic however you want, just discuss it clearly.

[jj****]

I can’t imagine any real person being happy never getting a say. It’s not as though subs are dragged along, doms and subs usually have some kind of dynamic that’s been agreed upon. They have a safe word, clear boundaries, and they check in with each other during after care. This is all very much a game we play with our partners. If there are no rules, there is no game, so it will never been 100/0

[aaron_qld_au]

All relationships, regardless of the dynamic, need to come down to these three MUTUAL things:
Communication
Trust
Respect

Without these, the relationship will disintegrate.

[Cr****]

To each their own and if it works for both parties then I don’t see why not

[ey****]

No relationship is 100/0

Because even a dymanic where the sub has consensually chosen to give up all control on every aspect of their life within the relationship - that contribution is certainly more than 0%

if there is any form of out, be it temporary or permanent then it is not 0%.  And if there is NOT a way out, then you don't have a sub you have a prisoner and there's laws against that. 

[Ba****]

If that is what works for the people involved, I don't see why not.

That being said, all relationships need to have communication and respect in all aspects, not just where it might be convenient or thought of at first.

For me, no, a relationship could never be me being 100% submissive in everything. I am a brat, but outside of dynamics, I am also a father, brother, and son, I do not have the ability to be submissive in everything I do. Also, I enjoy getting, too. Yes, giving is amazing, but getting things, whether in the bedroom or outside of it, is also amazing. I enjoy a relationship where it both, where we both give and get.

[St****]

Depends, alot are 100%\0% with set terms, limits, agreements, safe words and pauses for the contract agreements. Both should always have a say, unless they've tried and like literally every disturbing thing. Remember folks, people swing from near hooks for some form of fetish fun. Be safe, don't get meat hooked.

[wi****]

I guess married Dom/sub couples have this after many years, but almost all newbies have a 90-100% Dom says relationship. Is this off putting to more people than helpful in encouraging more people to get involved? Would a "can we try", "fancy giving this a go" attitude make kink more appealing to those currently not involved in it?

IrishPride9 what is your final test to see how experienced a sub is after chatting with them, the chat before a meet is agreed...etc do you ask them a certain question to see how much they know and understand? Or do you just meet after chatting regularly?

[le****]

Fukk yeah!

[Do****]

9 hours ago, IrishPride9 said:

It seems most of my point is being lost here, but to reiterate, it’s the people who use these terms and aren’t looking to be controlled or punished. Which then in turn causes this confusion for me and others. To be a Dom, or considered one, you can never question the status quo and “subs” and “brats” actually control the space.

Naw, you stated what you stated. I got it clearly. Your failing to understand my point. It snowflake ass people who think they know what they doing. I can tell already your a 50 shades.

Point blank period. Cause a True Dom who understands himself and what he is wanting. Dont get shook, we do the shaking. We can take someone who says they this or that. And show them the true ropes.

So in the end its not the Brats, Subs or any of the such that are the problem. Its ones like yourself who wanna claim a Title but have no understanding of such. Then get ***y when the said Brat, Sub, or Slave finds what they looking for and your not it.


Idk how many I have seen that dont do contracts no more. Those are a binding thing no legality to them. But its a true understanding of rules, regs, punishments, and all other sorts of things. Also gives the sub, a way of being taken care of if the dynamic goes separate ways.

So do the world a Favor and do alot of research before you wanna call yourself a Dom. Cause dude, there not a Dom bone to your body. And why is cause in the end, even in convo im making your tail tuck between your legs. So NO WAY shape form or anything of the such should you ever use words Dom and Yourself in a convo together.

[Do****]

8 hours ago, jjbeanbun said:

I can’t imagine any real person being happy never getting a say. It’s not as though subs are dragged along, doms and subs usually have some kind of dynamic that’s been agreed upon. They have a safe word, clear boundaries, and they check in with each other during after care. This is all very much a game we play with our partners. If there are no rules, there is no game, so it will never been 100/0

And yes there are some out there that give full out control. There are different levels to a Dom, and can tell some here dont understand.

Cause yea there are some who have a Master title, and its not just the Dom wanting said title. But they sub ( which is a slave at that point), has no say period in anything.

I have a couple friends who this they dynamic. Its not a easy one nor one for 99.9% of the world.

[le****]

You might be text the wrong person….. never did I claim any of that or have had any conversation with you or anyone else in this matter….. I simply replied to a question….. what are you talking about I have no idea….

[Su****]

I lived as a sub 24/7 for years and years. It still wasn't 100% Dom 0% sub. That's almost impossible in my opinion.

[an****]

A way to understand how 100/0 could be achieved is to break down what the goal would be. GPS for example could be 100/0 or you could argue with it, and choose a partial route change. Same here. If I led you the exact way you wish to be led, there is no reason to give hesitation 100/0. However, this means the dynamic is more akin to 100/100. If you get my drift. Could this be achieved, yes. Would it take a very considerate, compassionate, and intelligent dynamic, also yes. Just giving up control is not enough, the control needs to happen in a way that doesn't create doubt or misalignment. I would beg to say employer/employee dynamics could be 100/0 from time to time as long as the tasks and compensation are acceptable. This could be expanded to a relationship. If the tasks and rewards are acceptable/in-line there is no reason to deviate, question, or push back.

[Deleted Member]

Umm... so like... legitimately the sub is the most important role in that relationship. The Dom's job is to better the sub and to make life better for the sub through dominance. It's not just to get what the dom wants... that's called toxic.