Daaaaaaddy, where aaaaare you?

[ch****]

I picture myself sitting on a bench in a park. I’m wearing my favourite Marie dress and I’m swinging my feet back and forth while I watch people pass by. Maybe it’s some sort of littles event cause I tend to go to a lot of them or maybe it’s the park munch; I like that one…oh! Maybe it’s a picnic; I love a good picnic. They’re my favourite!

Hmm, yeah, favourite dress, sitting on a bench, at a picnic; that sounds like a pretty spectacular day. Not too sunny, cause we all know I forgot sun screen, and surrounded by littles and their Caregivers. Giggles dance on the breeze while cuddles and praise are given freely.

And then, maybe, you sit down.

“Were you waiting long, sweetheart?”

“Uhh you only took forever,” I stick out my tongue, always the brat you signed up for.

“Apologies, princess,” you say with an amused smile, offering your hand. “I’ll make it up to you.”

“We’ll see.” And then we picnic because I have been waiting long enough!

The only thing is, I haven’t met you yet. I know I will, eventually but there’s the rub. Eventually. I mean, I’m trying to be patient…well, maybe not. There might be a lot of complaining and sulking about how dumb people can be, but I’m trying! Ish. (Don’t look at me like that, bestie!!!) Being patient is very hard. Just like being an adult is very hard.

I’m stupid good at pretending I have all my ducks in a row or I can pull a rabbit out of a hat; I’ve been doing it all my life, but I’ll tell you a secret. The ducks? I’m pretty sure they’re actually cats, not giving any fucks and lying in all the inconvenient places. Also the rabbit is a squirrel and the hat is a shoe, so there’s that.

The point is, as much as I act like I don’t (and brat and brat and brat some more), I need help. I need structure. I need tasks. I know that rules, rewards and punishments will make my life so much easier. It’ll make breathing come more naturally and I won’t feel bogged down by stress, reality or anything else adult-y. When I’m held accountable and know there are consequences, it makes me feel so safe and secure. It makes everyday just a little bit better and more manageable.

But, I don’t act like someone who needs that in my everyday life. I’m a boss and a business partner; I’m an older *** and first born child. I take care of everyone. I play pretend everyday. I’m a pro at it; I can take charge, I can lead! But when I’m not at work or otherwise masking, sometimes having to make decisions makes me wanna cry. Sometimes there are too many chores to do and I get overwhelmed and shut down. Sometimes my laundry turns into a mountain overnight (yeah, yeah) and I hide it in my kitchen; out of sight, out of mind.

My motto is: if I ignore it, it’ll go away.

And yes, realistically, I’m aware that’s not how things work, but it’s all I got; lemme live. Anyways! I would love to meet you whenever I’m supposed to (but if you could hurry up…that would also be nice). I know you’ll be patient and observant, someone who will stick around when times are dumb. You won’t take my “I never need any help”, brat attitude too seriously. You’ll realise that I’m great at pretending but it really is just that, pretending, and help me be better!

And visa versa, of course; two way street, blah, blah, blah.

I just wish you’d hurry up and be here already, Daddy. I’m kind of tired of waiting.

[do****]

Poor babygirl, I feel you ❤️

[ki****]

When you get home your daddy should say ok its bath time. And wash you himself. Then after your clean and dont want to be in the bath anymore. Daddy should say "I'll wait outside so you can finish let me know when you're ready to dry." He leaves the room to heat up your food he made your favorite tonight. Then he comes back you standing naked in front of him. You see what is happening cause Daddy can't hide what happens.