Arousal from BDSM vs normal sex

[Cornywall]

The only type of porn that's ever interested me has been BDSM & related. I never really found vanilla/"straightforward" porn intriguing, but usually get great arousal from BDSM content.

I should also mention that I started my sex life at a pretty late age.

At the moment I find it tricky to get aroused by my partner when we have sex.

At first I thought it could be because I inadvertently conditioned myself to only be aroused by BDSM content. When we are intimate, I often find my mind racing to whatever BDSM scenario is at hand in my imagination, and that's what gets me hard.

I have to say that the scenarios I imagine don't really feature me at all, they are more like movie scenes. It's not a cuckold situation, I simply don't exist in these scenarios.

Anyway, after more introspection, I started thinking that maybe I have a low libido. I do find myself aroused by women very often, but I never feel the need/urge to fuck them. Like with my partner, I do find her attractive, but when were intimate, for me it's not really exciting or something I look forward to.

Has anyone had similar experiences? Does anyone know what's up?

I wanna keep this text brief, but happy to give more details if anyone has any specific questions.

Thanks!

[Da****]

I can no longer cum from vanilla sex. Sounds like you’re just simply not turned on by vanilla maybe?

[to****]

I'm not a fan of vanilla sex kinda puts me to sleep I like to be cuffed by the man I'm with and ***d into doing unspeakable activities we all need variety your not alone my friend

[ey****]

the more "traditional" meaning of fetish is people who can ONLY get aroused with assorted stimuli (their fetish) so the concept isn't that new

that doesn't mean it doesn't suck, or isn't frustrating, for you and potential partners 

Also folk have different sex drives and, again, sometimes feel there is something "wrong" with them if theirs is lower than they think.  There's not.

There isn't all that much harm in having fantasies to get you going while having sex with a partner, but you may need wider conversations about what turns you both on 

[Cornywall]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I have had discussions with my partner about this and she's been very understanding and open. She even said she'd be up for experimenting.

However, neither of us has any experience with this kind of play whatsoever. I'd also want to experiment as much as possible to find out what we both like.

If anyone has any tips on how to get started and how to make the most out of experimenting, it would be greatly appreciated.

[ey****]

for experimenting...

well, whatever scenes you are watching or already fantasising about

research how to do, or build to, those 

[Sh****]

I can relate to the scenario that the OP described: I don’t get easily aroused by vanilla sex and so in past vanilla relationships in order for me to orgasm, I needed to play something like a vivid movie in my head, but for me, one that invoked feelings of intense hum-il-i-a-tion. Once I felt enveloped in the accompanying feelings conjured in my head, THEN my body could relax enough to let the physical stimulation take me to orgasm. I used to feel somewhat badly that I had to mentally detach from the person I was with in order to get into the right mindset to achieve orgasm. Now that I’m exploring kink more openly and deliberately, having the source of hum-il-i-a-tion coming from the person I’m playing with has allowed me to be much more mentally and physically in the moment, which has also allowed me to connect more deeply with the person I’m with.