Stay - a line in a song - keep it clean please

[Ma****]

Offering this out for thought , perhaps its just my ramblings, but I do that a lot and so few people talk these days its seems, all "I'm a Dom lets fuck" or "I'm a sub ruin this" sorry that's bull S.  and I've digressed already. I was listening to music in my hifi room all day, as its training rest day, and have been feeling low, loads of cancelations fakes scams etc, and getting frustrated laying the groundwork and understanding for other "Dom's", and to be honest on here and elsewhere its seems to be the new 'in thing' to be sub or Dom, collared and owned etc. Well I come from 30 years of this, from traditional experiences in Europe, to avoiding sex cults in the UK, and supporting a couple amazing people as they left.  To me these terms are specific, important valuable and to be respected. especially Owned or Collard broadly interchangeable, but akin to a wedding in seriousness. and I've see a ... lets say, sub curious, kink curious, girl, bypass my warning and label herself as collared to a Dom, in less than 48 hrs of talking. Anyway, Stay from Rihanna came on, and a line occurred to me, "Something about the way you moved, makes me feel like I cant live without you" and i stopped dead, my breathing stopped, and i welled up, then "the reason i hold on, is I need this hole gone" I breathed again with tears of who i lost (those who know me know) so what fills your hole, and please I don't been graphically, for me, a sub and a slave fill different aspects of my soul. i feel like i need both to be whole, but of course hoe rare is that's, but one who has that cross over, answers me.  i mis that pair bonding, that completeness, the need I have is to care for someone, support them, guide help keep safe, to be validated by the safety they put in my hands, and not for a fling, day to day. 3 months ago i lost that. like a samurai without a master is a ronin, a master with out a slave, a Dom without a sum, is half himself. beware the labels you give, and those you seek. Dom/Sub, Master/slave, Top/Bottom. all valid. but look inward for what you are and what you seek. We should all be custodians of that we learn and teach, and resist distortion.

Edited August 15 by nineinside
spellings

[Li****]

🎵I cant believe im actually... ment to be... heard🎵

[Da****]

Isn’t that why humans drink, drug or overindulge in other vices. I’m so tired of men pretending they give a fuck and then just wasting your time cause they are presenting a fasade. Anyone recognize these lyrics?

Everybody's smoking and no one's getting high
Everybody's flying and never touch the sky
There's UFO's over New York and I ain't too surprised.

[ha****]

I’ve grown so discouraged since my first/only Dom betrayed me and ghosted me. I can’t seem to find an authentic, experienced pleasure Dom who is not “too busy” to take on a new sub. I want the feeling back of being praised by the one I strive to please. Praise in general does nothing for me sexually. I need the affirmations and praise from someone I have developed a deep connection with. Someone who I feel genuinely cares for/about me.

[Po****]

When your breathing underwater and you can't break through the waves

When your mind can't help but wander

Will it ever go away.

[kinkydarling]

I’ve had similar struggles with finding a Dom/sub relationship. I would like to ideally find another switch that would like to flip back and forth with me. However it seems to mostly be all or nothing with people. I have had my own struggles with the people one here and can relate. I choose these lyrics:

“ 'Cause I'm not old, but I am tired
I'm not strong, I'm very weak
I'm not old, but I am tired
I'm not here, I'm somewhere else
I'm not old, but I am tired
I'm one hundred ninety-six
In dog years, I have seen enough
I've seen it all
I've been a really good dog, can I come inside?
Yeah, I've been such a good girl, can I go for a ride?
I'm on a real short leash, but I like it tight
You know I'm such a sweet girl, but I can really bite”
-Halsey

[Ma****]

44 minutes ago, Polyfoxhunter said:

When your breathing underwater and you can't break through the waves

When your mind can't help but wander

Will it ever go away.

I actually text this to my ex " it's like you stole my oxygen"

[Ma****]

4 minutes ago, kinkydarling said:

I’ve had similar struggles with finding a Dom/sub relationship. I would like to ideally find another switch that would like to flip back and forth with me. However it seems to mostly be all or nothing with people. I have had my own struggles with the people one here and can relate. I choose these lyrics:

“ 'Cause I'm not old, but I am tired
I'm not strong, I'm very weak
I'm not old, but I am tired
I'm not here, I'm somewhere else
I'm not old, but I am tired
I'm one hundred ninety-six
In dog years, I have seen enough
I've seen it all
I've been a really good dog, can I come inside?
Yeah, I've been such a good girl, can I go for a ride?
I'm on a real short leash, but I like it tight
You know I'm such a sweet girl, but I can really bite”
-Halsey

Which of her songs is this? I love gasoline "there's a fault in my code"

[ha****]

My song would be Angel by Sarah McLachlan

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay

There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction
Oh, beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins

Let me be empty
Oh, and weightless, and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

[Ma****]

I don't know if my replys are staying. But hasley what song? I love gasoline " there's a fault in my code" and the quote about struggling to breathe, I text that to my ex "it's like you took away my oxygen"

[Ma****]

oh sarah mclachlan, her version on pills by ther perishers is epic

[kinkydarling]

23 minutes ago, nineinside said:

Which of her songs is this? I love gasoline "there's a fault in my code"

Dog years. She wrote it when she got very sick and she was longing to be ‘put down like a dog’ which I relate to as someone with Multiple Sclerosis. I’m new at online ‘dating’ since I was in a relationship the whole time it was a thing. Not to mention some of the less than pleasant interactions on here. I find the song relatable 😂

Gasoline is a good one! If you haven’t heard Safeword I recommend it! It has BDSM stuff in it. Like actual BDSM! It’s cool.

Diagnosis of Halsey:
https://www.eds.clinic/articles/halsey-diagnosed-with-eds-mcas-pots-sjogrens-lupus-and-other-chronic-conditions

[no****]

I will be honest I feel much the same as you. The feeling of protecting, ensuring someone is safe and healthy and their needs are met while also guiding them to work on themselves is the journey. The point is what they become, in some cases they no longer need the Dom or Master and move on to help others. I have been with my wife for 20 years and she earned her collar year 5. I am old so I would say one of my favorites would be “the warrior” by scandal

[To****]

I actually understand what you’re saying.

I don’t think the labels are the problem. It’s when people start using them without really understanding what they mean.

BDSM becoming more visible isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes the sexual side becomes so loud that the actual dynamic gets lost.

Sex can absolutely be part of a D/s dynamic.. it is for me. But if everything disappears when the sex stops, I think something important was missing in the first place.

For me, submission isn’t just about what happens in a bedroom. It’s about trust, consistency, being seen, and choosing to give someone a part of your control because you know they’ll respect what you’ve given them.

And maybe that’s the part people miss when they rush towards the labels..

As I say on my profile: “When you stop mixing up being submissive with just having rough sex… that’s when things actually begin.”

Maybe the same is true for being a Dom.

The label is easy. Understanding what sits behind it is the difficult part.

[no****]

I am old (49), but I think that the popularization of BDSM and the Dom/sub culture may be used inappropriately by some who find it trendy. I cannot disagree with that.

However, I also think that it has given rise to the use of those terms by people that have always acted this way without ever having labels for it.

My father-in-law rejected anything that had to do with BDSM through ignorance and stigma. However, he was a stone cold hard Dom. Since he has passed away I see the decline my mother-in-law has experienced without his hand there to guide and protect her. It’s tragic to tell the truth. I think many people have used these attitudes and behaviors in constructive ways through out the years without ever having a label for it.

Understand that I don’t necessarily think that the label is a good thing. However, it can allow for education and discussion with like minded people which is definitely a good thing.

[la****]

As a sub I agree with all three of you. It's not all about the sex, it's about the connection deep down inside. The trust, the nurturing, just letting someone else take over and take care of you. It's a relationship that is built on trust, communication and consent. It can turn into love as you continue the dynamic.

There are so many Doms that say they are looking for a sub but the only thing they want is a quick trist. And the same goes the other way. They are not looking for that deep connection, they just want some kind of title, a label.

Maybe others don't want that connection because when there is a loss it hurts just as if you were married and your other half is gone.

[no****]

5 minutes ago, lacey62239 said:

As a sub I agree with all three of you. It's not all about the sex, it's about the connection deep down inside. The trust, the nurturing, just letting someone else take over and take care of you. It's a relationship that is built on trust, communication and consent. It can turn into love as you continue the dynamic.

There are so many Doms that say they are looking for a sub but the only thing they want is a quick trist. And the same goes the other way. They are not looking for that deep connection, they just want some kind of title, a label.

Maybe others don't want that connection because when there is a loss it hurts just as if you were married and your other half is gone.

I couldn’t agree more. Thank you for offering that perspective as well. It’s quite valuable

[Th****]

Thisssss!!!!! Im a sub and finding a partner is so hard when all the "doms" online as realistically just toxic fake doms wanting to fuck and have absolutely no connection. It's driving me insane

[no****]

4 minutes ago, Thatcurvybrat said:

Thisssss!!!!! Im a sub and finding a partner is so hard when all the "doms" online as realistically just toxic fake doms wanting to fuck and have absolutely no connection. It's driving me insane

Is this problem you’ve been experiencing cause I can say I’ve experienced the same problem on opposite side of spectrum I had a sub that just did not wish to follow directions did not wish to be cooperative at all

[Th****]

8 hours ago, kinkydarling said:

Dog years. She wrote it when she got very sick and she was longing to be ‘put down like a dog’ which I relate to as someone with Multiple Sclerosis. I’m new at online ‘dating’ since I was in a relationship the whole time it was a thing. Not to mention some of the less than pleasant interactions on here. I find the song relatable 😂

Gasoline is a good one! If you haven’t heard Safeword I recommend it! It has BDSM stuff in it. Like actual BDSM! It’s cool.

Diagnosis of Halsey:
https://www.eds.clinic/articles/halsey-diagnosed-with-eds-mcas-pots-sjogrens-lupus-and-other-chronic-conditions

I love her!!! And I also have EDS/POTS/MCAS (among other things, but those are the dx I share with her)

[Deleted Member]

I’m sorry for such a loss. I know the feelings I want to have when I find my Dom. The line in Coldplay’s song Yellow describes the devotion, “For you I’d bleed myself dry.” Those lyrics do not belong to anyone…yet.

You will find her again. 🙏🏼